Oldie but goldie.

[charleyboy]

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says, ' I clocked you at 120 km/h, sir.'

The driver says, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100,
perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth, 'F...k it woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your
seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it
off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my
back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T You shut the f..k up?

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always
talk to you this way, Ma'am?'


I love this part......


'Only when he's pissed.'

[harrybarracuda]

Another blast from the past.

This Nun comes back from doing the shopping, and complains to the Mother Superior about being stopped by the police every time she goes out.

The Mother Superior reminds her that she is doing God's work and she must not complain.

Sure enough, next time she goes shopping, the police are there waiting for her.

"Has this vehicle got valid insurance madam?" says the policeman.

"You've seen it four times this week already" says the Nun.

"It's a routine check madam, you understand" says the policeman, so she shows him her insurance.

"Do you have a valid driving license madam?" asks the policeman?

"Oh come on, you've seen that four times this week as well!" exclaims the Nun.

"It's a routine check madam, you understand" says the policeman, so she relents and shows him her license.

Whereupon he undoes his flies and flops out his John Thomas.

The Nun says "Oh please, you're not going to breathalyse me again are you?!".

[charleyboy]

^Good one, never heard it before!