FLASHBACK: My marriage to a Thai girl

[DJ Pat]

I was manager at a family run Thai restaurant in London when this girl came in and wanted a job. She was a student at the UNL nearby and was looking to add some life experiences to her adventure studying. (doesn't mean she was very adventurous). I swifty got my deputy (I was a crap manager, got the post thru nepotism) to offer her a job and it was also very obvious that girl was pretty, unlike what I was used to seeing around me.

At this point in my life I was slowly disappearing up my own arse, it was 1998, I was out 4 nights a week and was also a small time party provider / organiser on the side, providing DJs / security / party things, equipment to affluent clients as well as working as an extra on various TV projects produced by independent productions going out on channel 4. In a nutshell, I was burning the candle at both ends as well as drinking like there was no tomorrow, every night.

So I needed a change, and I had taken the restaurant job as a starter, passed most of the party work to my Filipino Dj-business partner and retained my DJ nights, reducing them to 2 a week, not because I was a crap DJ but I was getting sick of coming home at 3am, getting paralytic then collapsing at 5am, and having to get up at 10am looking awful.

I decided also that I'd rediscover my Thai side, which I'd pretty much abandoned at age 12, when my mother passed on. Working at the restaurant was a starter, and a girl I met at a party I played at suggested I should see Thailand as a grown up and attend a full moon party. (I didn't get to the full moon party til 2002) I realised my Thai was awful and my understanding a bit rusty, so I accepted a full time post at the restaurant and learnt how to work with the public.

Another part of the change was to get a Thai girlfriend. I remember deciding that very moment, sometime in October 1998. (don't you wish you could turn back the clock? Like the famous words of Johnny Hates Jazz) It started with me walking her home, not far from me, then a peck on the cheek led to some further kisses and the rest is none of your goddamm business.

Anyway four months later I realised that I was still drinking and the only way to stop myself would be to move her in with me. But her mother insisted that if she live with me we should marry. Oh well, marriage is after all just a piece of paper right? So what!! Let's do it.
So there I was alone on my stag night, my final night getting paralytic alone. No stag night, no "L" plate superglued to my shorts, or getting handcuffed to a lampost, no waking up on a remote Scottish beach...just me and my cat at home in my flat.

Next morning, rather bleary eyed I took a Nissan minicab to Finsbury Town Hall, passing a florist on the way to get my white rose, and went thru the ceremony, took some cringeworthy pictures and went to the reception at the restaurant and enjoyed the time with mates and relatives.
Our honeymoon was a night out in Chinatown eating crab and fried rice (it's on video somewhere) followed by getting the last tube home and falling into bed (I had to take two sleeping pills as I was off the drink).

Fast forward a year and it was time to do the wedding in Thailand. In Nakhon Pathom near the Buddha Monton, just off that Royal road. I was apprehensive but didn't have that feeling of not being in control that I felt at the London wedding, there were a bunch of Thais organising this one. I got my suit made, had the flowers round my neck, got dabbed with powder, knelt for hours on end, got pins and needles a lot, chanted a lot, posed for hundreds of pictures, ate a lot and then it was the afternoon recess before the evening session and dinner with stage and band along with speeches.

I had to personally go round every table and wai them, greet them all and accept a sup of whisky and soda from all the manly males whilst all the females just smiled and said "lorr" or "narak". The whisky and sodas started to go down the front of my shirt as I was getting out of it. I hadn't eaten for six hours.
Then there was my awful speech about how much I loved my sisters and father and how "beautiful they all looked". I was talking to a sea of round tables with ten to twelve people at each, and there were at least a thousand in attendance as my wife's father was the Mayor of the province.
My dad's speech included a hilarious story (all in Thai) about a tuk tuk driver and my now Mother in law sang a famous Thai love song with tears running down her cheeks which smudged her make up, then the band played, I ate and the night went on.

You'd think it being our wedding night we'd be at it like rabbits but a clue as to how the marriage would turn out was shown to me in the first night of this wedding...we spent the night opening the envolopes that got given to us and counted the cash until 5am. I was cursing and grumbling about "what kind of culture is this?" But I'd had clues already in my first year after the London wedding:

I was never expected to buy a newspaper, get a haircut, eat at the cafe, have a Mars bar or buy new music without asking her first. I managed to get a reprieve on the music. I thought it was just marriage.

Then there was all the smug married friends who'd ask me "How's married life?" and I'd gleefully answer "Great" with gusto....But inside I was doubting it and doubting myself and my ever more miserable existence. Don't marry young. There's a reason people tell you that.

The marriage had by now turned into a routine, I'd work, give her the money and it'd go into the bank. I never wanted for anything but after a few more months I realised that I hadn't felt sexual about her for ages. Her routine was pretty static, she'd work, (by now she was a chef at a large Thai restaurant near where Harry used to live) come home, put on an hour of Thai soap on video, then from midnight onwards make several calls to Thailand using cheap phonecards, which were crap reception, so she'd have to talk very loudly into the reciever.

Of course I was unable to sleep and I also realised she never really loved me at all, and all the phone calls were business related and were about the future for her in Thiland in three years time, without me. I never let on to her that I understood that much Thai.

So I bought another bed and put in the front room and gave her an unltimatum: I no longer give her a penny, I pay the rent, and she saves her cash then gets the hell out a year later. It was almost Xmas and I was in a festive mood. I was tired and needed a holiday. Fast.

I finally got to take a holiday after the hectic Christmas shedule to Chiang Mai, to hook up with some family and friends and take in some mountain scenery. Then I got a call from James, an ex-co-worker at the DJ store I used to work from. He and another mate were in Pattaya, and they wanted to show me a good time.

I'd never been to Pattaya, had heard it was "fun" and that was about it.

The story then continues into my "I didn't realise people were so obsessive..." story.

Several months after the Pattaya incident and all connected events, it was time for her to go, and by this time we hated one another. She was preparing a business in Thailand and was in constant touch with her business partner via telephone. One day I picked up her phone and took a look. Lots of "darling" "love you" messages from the business partner. I was annoyed a bit, because as much as you can not love somebody, it's still possible to care about them. A little. So, this is what ended our association.

The day she was due to leave she was defiantly not budging an inch, and was egging me on to hit her. I know she was acting under instruction from a friend who'd told her that if I hit her she can gain possesion of the flat. So I screamed and shouted, broke a table in half (how manly of me I know) and she called the police, who she thought would rush round to her aid. "sort it out amongst yourselves" she was told.

She left in the end and I took another break to return to...an empty flat!!

Just the kitchen and sofa and beds were left. She even took the carpets. My cat, "Toots", jumped onto my shoulder from a shelf she was up on and I hugged her and said "I'm home".

I was as happy as a pig in shit to be alone once more.

[Shrinking Violet]

Have you seen Government Grant lately?

[DJ Pat]

no but he works for the government right?

[Shrinking Violet]

Why is there a red thingy by your nik?

[seth106]

Self-indulgent bolox


Get a life Prat

[DJ Pat]

Self-indulgent bolox


Get a life Prat

^^That was my life at that time..

[mad_dog]

Why did she rip you off if she was from a reasonably well to do family? Spite?

Oh well you live and learn eh mate? I had a holiday fling with a yaba whore when i was 21... Oh the memories...

Nakon Pathom is a nice town though eh?

[DJ Pat]

^^Her family and friends were fine, it was her own attitude, she was unable to completely 'control' me on her little finger, though I did conform in the first year I think.

Why did she rip me off? Quite possibly oppourtunist coupled with me being a prat, or muppet of something along them lines.

Nakhon Pathom is a lovely place with great folks and a laid back feel. Well that's what I felt at the time.

People are always expecting me to look back on my marriage and want to black it out, but we got positive stuff out of it in our separate ways.

[britmaveric]

Makes you think twice about marriage.

[Blake7]

Quite Scamp-like really in the attempt to gain popularity by "baring all".


Note: It backfired for TGS

[mad_dog]

[quote=DJ Pat

Nakhon Pathom is a lovely place with great folks and a laid back feel. Well that's what I felt at the time.

.[/quote] Spot on mate

[stroller]

Quite Scamp-like really in the attempt to gain popularity by "baring all".


Note: It backfired for TGS

Pat can only improve his rep.

[Shrinking Violet]

I love Nakron Pathom; the smell of pig shit for me to inhale. Beats thai pussy anyday.

[dirtydog]

Quite Scamp-like really in the attempt to gain popularity by "baring all".

I think in that one post pat has posted more text than you in all your 105 posts, does that make him bad? forums do rely on text, no text=no replys, 1 sentence replies do not make an interesting forum.

[Marmite the Dog]

I never understand why so many guys put up with so much shit from their partners. The moment a relationship becomes a chore, it becomes history as far as I'm concerned, and I expect my pertner to feel the same.

[stroller]

How old are you, son?

[hirondelle]

wow... that was a really cool post Pat, thanks for having the wotsits for sharing that bit of your story

*hugs*

[Troubled]

I never understand why so many guys put up with so much shit from their partners. The moment a relationship becomes a chore, it becomes history as far as I'm concerned, and I expect my pertner to feel the same.

And if kids are involved?

[Marmite the Dog]

I never understand why so many guys put up with so much shit from their partners. The moment a relationship becomes a chore, it becomes history as far as I'm concerned, and I expect my pertner to feel the same.

And if kids are involved?

Not surprisingly, I don't understand people having kids either. Isn't there enough people on this planet already?

[cantona]

Not the 1st and won't be the last Pat. Fok, I'm only recently married!

[Storekeeper]

Interesting story Pat.

[Lily]

To be fair though Pat, you didnt really love her when you married her either, did you?
It seems to me you were looking for someone to control you and your life.

[DJ Pat]

To be fair though Pat, you didnt really love her when you married her either, did you?
It seems to me you were looking for someone to control you and your life.

Spot on. I think I needed somebody to pull my head outta my arse. She was there at the right time. I convinced myself she was the right one.

[DJ Pat]

"baring all".

There's more to come.

[Blake7]

Quite Scamp-like really in the attempt to gain popularity by "baring all".

I think in that one post pat has posted more text than you in all your 105 posts, does that make him bad? forums do rely on text, no text=no replys, 1 sentence replies do not make an interesting forum.

tsk tsk, whos a naughty blakey then