The only way is up: Land's End to John o' Groats 2015

[somtamslap]

Two very tough days on the road. Trip report to follow after food and ale...

[kingwilly]

Two very tough days on the road. Trip report to follow after food and ale...

WTF? , can ye not multi task?

[somtamslap]

Nandos?

Close enough. Peri-peri chicken from Spoons.

Yesterday I woke at around 6.30am and busied myself with breakfast television until my full English was served at 7.15. I left the b&b in Hereford at 7.55am and had cycled 40 miles in gentle undulating terrain - the tamest of the tour yet - before 11 o'clock. I dipped in and out of mid-Wales and Shropshire for the best part of the day and was fully appreciative of the ride and the scenery I was passing through.

However, as I honed in on the northern Welsh town of Wrexham, quiet lanes became busy A and B roads, and they both forced me to shit my pants in a major way. With articulated lorries zipping past at 70mph as I cowered in the curb, I questioned, quite reasonably, my sanity. But after an hour or so of this I arrived in Chester, skirted the city boundaries, and found a hotel - and a mate of withnallstoke's. Needless to say we drunk an incredible amount of lager.

A few highlights from yesterday - aka, pictures I took amid a 112 mile slog...

Mid Wales and Shropshire - intermittent showers featured for the duration:



But the roads, although sometimes boasting keen gradients, were largely civilised:



Unlike this fucker approaching Wrexham:



During a quick 'comfort' break on the lanes heading into Chester:

[somtamslap]

Today myself and my companion from Stoke woke early and hit the ground running. Yesterday's merriment had concluded at 1am and aching heads were order of the morning. A commiseration dump/leftover kebab munch soon buoyed my spirits and out of the door we rolled...



This was to be - particularly snared in the angst of a seething hangover - probably the hardest day of the tour yet. Why? Well, for one, we had to negotiate the Manchester/Liverpool conurbation, and secondly...

My first puncture of the trip, on the outskirts of Wigan...



and thirdly, off course, my second puncture of the trip... just outside of Preston...



Solace subsequently had to be sort...



And the Family Platter, for one...



Ups and downs, then, on this 64 mile leg.

Will be sorry to see my other mate from Stoke bugger off on the morrow...

[Chittychangchang]

Wrexham has a nickname called rectum.

I concur it is the arsehole of wales.

Liquid night club in Wrexham a harem of slappers.

Just out of interest, did you check the rear tyre for thorns or suchlike having two punctures so close together? Hangovers are a biatch.

Onwards and upwards

[palexxxx]

Solace subsequently had to be sort...

C'mon Slaps, You're embarrassing your editing brethren. Sought ... sought, dear chap.

Great thread otherwise, carry on.

[somtamslap]

Just out of interest, did you check the rear tyre for thorns or suchlike having two punctures so close together

Checked inside and out, thoroughly. Hoping the tyre is still inflated this morning...

C'mon Slaps, You're embarrassing your editing brethren

I think I'm allowed a few more fuck ups than usual here...

[klong toey]

Seem to be winning the battle how are you feeling physically and mentally.

[Bettyboo]

^ I suspect after time in Wales and Stoke that he feels something like this:




Keep up the good work, Slaps - it's a journey to be proud of (if you make it...). &, errm, Rye-Anne says he's gutted that you left him for a bloke from Stoke with an iPhone and bleached hair...

[kingwilly]

Lovely looking country. I expected more stone bridges and trains.

[chassamui]

^Dr Beeching turned the train tracks into cycle paths.

[patsycat]

Lovely looking country. I expected more stone bridges and trains.

Wait until he gets to the highlands of Scotland!! That is breathtaking and rather uphill.

[withnallstoke]

Wait until he gets to the highlands of Scotland!! That is breathtaking

Somewhat ruined by the awful din of drunken Scotchmen blowing those bloody bags with pipes attached.

[reinvented]

come a cropper cycling that chester- rectum road myself in 88
knocked off and run over by a welshman in an austin allegro
the shame
now theres some hills between chester and wigan, and some impressive chemical plants
no piccies?

[Chittychangchang]

some impressive chemical plants

The ICI that stretches 20 miles from Birkenhead to Runcorn?

What a crap hole and hard on the lungs for a cyclist.

Passed it last week at night all lit up like Blackpool lights.

We had a good view from the relay transporter after our breakdown in that hellish part of the world.

I reckon Somtamslap will need his armbands and flippers today.

[somtamslap]

Monumental fuck up of a day today. You know the drill - food, ale, day report...

[VocalNeal]

come a cropper cycling that chester- rectum road myself in 88
knocked off and run over by a welshman in an austin allegro
now there's a shame

Fixed that for you?

[somtamslap]

Firstly, why are backpacker digs always inhabited with fucking weirdos?

Secondly - I'm in a backpackers in Kendal after a mere 50 miles today - the last five of which was walked...

After a moderate night's kip, myself and Stoke#2 adjourned to the breakfast hall where we ate like pigs and spoke loud and obnoxiously - such was our wont.

We bade one another farewell and, as fucking usual, I headed north.

Today started with a traverse of the A6 from Preston to Lancaster where I stocked up for a potential deluge of unpleasantness...

Lancaster:



Halfords, Lancaster:



After Lancaster I joined NCN Route 6, which although was a little slow going, provided a stress-free passage up to Cumbria, the most northerly of the English counties...





At the 40 mile mark, just as I began a keen ascent into Cumbria, my fucking back tyre punctured - and after much shouting and hurling of expletives into the void before me, I noted that the mark on the inner tube was identical to those of yesterday. There was something sharp wedged in my tyre - but still, to this moment, I'm fucked if I can find it.

I 'fixed' the puncture which lasted for about five miles, then decided to cut the day short (I was planning on reaching Penrith) and yomp the rest of the way to Kendal - a further five miles...

I'm staying (in the fucking backpackers) about 30 seconds from a bike shop - so that will be the first port of call on the morrow, and then, Scotland...

[chassamui]

Look on the bright side Slap. At least you got through Brum without falling over Lenny Henry asleep in bed outside the pub.

[klong toey]

Don't fret old chap as a reward for all your efforts i will send you a voucher.
Three nights bed and breakfast at the Nana hotel, no need to thank me just enjoy your stay.

[Neo]

bloody good effort Slaps

[kingwilly]

Consider it a rest day.

[charleyboy]

Lancaster...Birthplace of heroes.
A nice pic of the Millennium bridge, didn't exist when I left.

As the sign on Samet once read...Have a good tirp.

[billy the kid]

Monumental fuck up

that's what it's all about slaps; it's how you handle the situation.
have you got a guardian angel ?

have rode thousands of km in asia and only had one puncture and that happened
walking out of an area of grass where i'd dossed down for the night.

[Dillinger]

have you got a guardian angel ?

^ Probably some guy called Gaybriel from Port Vale