The only way is up: Land's End to John o' Groats 2015

[hallelujah]

Today I woke up after seven reasonable hours of sleep, yet my eyes stung, my legs ached, and my botty felt like I'd been fed rohypnol by a posse of Ghanaians.

I arrived in the breakfast hall precisely 10 minutes early according to the studious trollop at the door, so I planned my route and waited for the full English I'd requested the night before. In fairness it was worth waiting for - superb!



Today I would head due west to Glastonbury, tackling some of Devon's most spiteful climbs en route. After an hour of riding, though, my legs went numb and I was able to appreciate the beauty on which I was surrounded...



Had a chinwag with this local lass...



40 miles later I crossed the border into Somerset. The terrain began to level out and I started to feel a great deal more optimistic about the situation. 2.5 days of grinding up the hills of Cornwall and Devon had been a real baptism of fire and I was glad that they were now behind me.




Glastonbury Tor...




I've been eating a lot. A shit load of food. After breakfast I stocked up on ginger nut crunch cakes, six of the bastards. They were gone by noon. And when I arrived in Glastonbury, via the Quantocks, I made for the nearest pub and went ballistic Two pints of Thatchers, fish and chips, and soup and bread. After all, this had been a 95 mile day - bringing my total for the trip up to 245.

What a great thread.

[somtamslap]

draught Guinness is great for this.

Noted.

Are you planing to have a rest day

40 miles today, so near enough a rest day.

I would have thought you'd have known about it being somewhat damp in England.

Damp, hilly and humid today. Flat road is what I crave the most.

Over the bridge now, you've broken the back of the journey.

I ground the fucker into submission, Bets, Smashed the journey to bits. Devastation, I tells ye.

what was the grub like?

I ate it so fast I forgot to taste it.

and more to the point, where are the mustard and horseradish?

I clearly don't have time for condiments.

[somtamslap]

Bit of a slack day again. I'm now in Hereford, where I would've been if it hadn't rained yesterday. But as my lodgings were all booked up here I pedalled the 40 miles from Chepstow, arrived at lunch time and ducked straight into Wetherspoons for their Thursday curry - Mm mmm!

As usual the road undulated, starting with an early 600ft climb over the Forest of Dean and into Herefordshire.



The weather was overcast and humid with the occasional spots of rain in the air - not my favourite riding conditions. But views were invariably very pleasant indeed.



The cross bike earnt her keep today. Here we trudged the final 10 miles into Hereford over farm tracks...



Approaching the city...



Splendid venue for a spot of tea...



I'm off back to Wetherspoons for dinner and ale.

On the morrow, chaps...

[somtamslap]

Are you walking like John Wayne ?

The arse is actually in remarkably good shape. But 100 miles on the morrow may alter that.

[klong toey]

I am sure you deserve lunch in Wetherspoons but if you find the time head off to the adult apple juice shop.Its also got a tea room so no excuses.
The Cider Museum : Visit Hereford's famous Cider Museum and learn about the history of cider making

[taxexile]

are those roads and tracks you are using for cyclists only, looks like it would be a good 4WD trip.

[nidhogg]

and more to the point, where are the mustard and horseradish?

I clearly don't have time for condiments.

No time for condiments????

Good God man. That is hacking away at the foundations of our civilization.

[VocalNeal]

Are you walking like John Wayne ?

I do that every morning. First trip from bed to toilet!

[somtamslap]

I am sure you deserve lunch in Wetherspoons but if you find the time head off to the adult apple juice shop.Its also got a tea room so no excuses.

I went the four pints of Kronenberg route instead. Gone off cider since I over did it in Somerset.

are those roads and tracks you are using for cyclists only, looks like it would be a good 4WD trip.

They're National Cycle Network routes - some are dedicated biking lanes - the one above is not.

Good God man. That is hacking away at the foundations of our civilization.

Tell me about it. I went Portuguese last night. Meaning I had...?

I'm pleased to be watching BBC Midlands at the moment. Softly, softly and all that.

[toslti]

Nandos?

[withnallstoke]

Has slapper endured death by buggery?

[Bettyboo]

I told him not to touch anything that was pushed through that hole, but he wouldn't listen. I feel guilty really, as my post probably put the idea into his head then he cycled back down to Ryan's cubicle and waited... It wasn't long before Ryan turned up, and after a couple of tappings on the wall and the messgae:

"Are you John?"
"Nooo eyeham Rye-anne."
"Ok, ok, yes, Ryan, Ryan, are you, errm Rye-anne?"
"He-are eat-is den."

I only wish I'd mentioned in my post to Senor Slaps that what gets pushed through that hole, Rye-anne's-ol, it's not a lollipop...

[withnallstoke]

^ You reckon he choked to death?

[Bettyboo]

^ sadly so.

[PAG]

Has slapper endured death by buggery?

He did 180km yesterday (Hereford to Chester) so an update to his excellent thread may not have been his first priority after dismounting! That said, no sign of this morning's breakfast pics yet. Maybe a lie in?

[kingwilly]

Has slapper endured death by buggery?

He did 180km yesterday (Hereford to Chester) so an update to his excellent thread may not have been his first priority after dismounting! That said, no sign of this morning's breakfast pics yet. Maybe a lie in?

Lazy git. Today's yoof have gone to the dawgs.

[withnallstoke]

so an update to his excellent thread may not have been his first priority after dismounting!

Well it should have been.

He has concerned readers here, who worry as to the manner of his demise.

Inconsiderate bastard that he is.

[Bettyboo]

^ Scribe Slaps, since the success of his first novelette, stopped caring about his readers; the people who put him where he is today.

I've had a semi on for the last 7 months due to his repeated promises that Malcolm's Mother would make a comeback. Does he care about my semi? No, he doesn't care one jot, not when he has Ryan's lollipop to keep him entertained. That's what happens when folks get a taste of stardom...

[Iceman123]

The no update situation, is ridiculous. I for one will be reporting this to the top mod KW to enquire as to whether a jailing is in order.

[barrylad66]

hope he's alright

on second thoughts he may have skipped off in to the sunset with ryan..

[taxexile]

he's probably slipping some length to the wrinkled old landlady of the doss house he stayed in last night in return for a full english.

[withnallstoke]

he's probably slipping some length to the wrinkled old landlady of the doss house he stayed in last night in return for a full english.

Hope not.

Think he stayed at my mates last night.

[nidhogg]

so an update to his excellent thread may not have been his first priority after dismounting!

Well it should have been.

He has concerned readers here, who are all waiting to piss themselves laughing when he monumentally effs it all up.

Fixed that for you.

Inconsiderate bastard that he is.

Indeed.

[patsycat]

Maybe he's taking a day off.

[Chittychangchang]

I do believe he was passing through the Bemuda Triangle of the UK:Stoke-on-Trent so anything could have happened.

I reckon a wonky wheel has fallen off.