Cambodia Trip

[njdesi]

No one seems to be at thaizine anymore, so I'll post this here.

I just returned from a five day trip to Cambodia. Not much has changed in three years. The Khmers are as strange and corrupt as ever and the French baguettes are still first class. Unlike my last trip, I went with a Thai girl. The only places she has ever been to are Korat and Pattaya. So who does she rely on for travel advice? Myself, who has travelled throughout the world and has already been to Cambodia. Or her best friend, who has only been to Korat and Pattaya. If you've lived in Thailand for more than five minutes, you know the answer already.

I tried to explain to her that Cambodian society is more conservative than Thailand. So wear my over-sized T- shirts and pants. Also, go easy on the make-up. Her friends answer, "Mai roo." So she dresses up like she is heading out to Dance Fever. She even wore fokkin high heels. I told her she wouldn't be able to walk three feet in Cambodia without getting her heels stuck in mud. She pouts, so I pack her flip flops and extra T-shirts. Sometimes you have to let them figure it out for themselves.

So we arrive at the Aranya Prathet- Poipet border. This is where most you go on your visa runs. The place is complete shit. There are a few casinos between the immigration posts and a lot of beggars and thieves. Ignore everyone who tries to talk to you. You have no reason to tell anyone where you are going or what your plans are. I was walking out of the Thai departure building when a Khmer shit made a grab for my pack. He didn't see that it was strapped at my waist, so the dumb fok almost fell to the pavement when I swung my pack to the side.

While this is going on, the Thai g/f is asking me why all the Khmer men are leering at her. I told her she was dressed like a Khmer prostitute. She didn't like that answer.

So now we are at the Cambodian visa building. 1,000 baht and you're sorted. The actual price of the visa is 20USD, the difference goes into the visa officials pocket. If you are planning on returning to Thailand that day, you can try paying 20USD and bargaining from there.

Next stop is the arrivals building to get the entry stamp. If you just plan on getting the stamp and then heading back to Thailand, don't tell the Khmer officials. They'll just try to hit you up for another 100 baht bribe. Tell them you are going to Siam Riep or someplace else to visit friends.

But if you decide to stay in Cambodia, you'll see a big traffic circle. You'll instantly be confronted by scumbag moto drivers. They'll surround you and won't even let you walk. I never thought I would find a place as bad as Agra, India in SEA. Honestly, treat every moto-op in Poipet like a piece of shit. One agreed to take me to the pick-up truck station for 10 baht. He didn't even take me there. He dropped me off in the middle of nowhere and tried to extort more money. I told him I would give him an extra tip if he took me to the station. So when we got to the station, I gave him his tip. "Don't try to scam an Indian".

The next scumbag was the truck driver. A seat on the truck usually cost 150 per person to Battambang, but he insisted I pay 300 per person. I eventually settled on 400 baht for the both of us. I gave him a 500 baht note and the scumbag tried to give me a 1,000 riel note. Multiply Thai baht by 100 to get the proper riel equivalent (10,000 riel is the correct amount for the mathematically challenged here).

The road from Poipet to Siam Riep is horrendous. According to some of the Khmers I talked to later, the airline with the monopoly on the Bangkok-Siam Riep route pays huge bribes to make sure the road is never fixed. The most important commercial land route in Cambodia is worse than any road in Africa. The Thais are corrupt, but this is extreme. What should be an easy 45 km ride to Sisophon takes 1.5 hours and is the ride from hell.

I am feeling lazy, so I'll write the next part, Battambang and a Thai girls nervous breakdown later...


Scumbag moto-ops


200 baht for a seat inside. 50 baht if you want to be one with the locals.

[njdesi]

Amazingly, the Khmers and my g/f were able to nap while riding over heavily potholed roads in a shockless pickup truck. For me, it was one hour of gritting my teeth and trying to think of my happy place. Which was basically anywhere besides the road to Sisophon. Thankfully, the road dramatically improves from Sisophon to Battambang. I am finally able to get some sleep and wake up in a rundown French colonial outpost.

I didn't bring a guidebook, so I'll give you my impression of what Battambang is famous for. Goofy statues depicting Ramayana scenes. And flies. Many flies. Flies everywhere. My two day challenge in Battambang was to find a restaurant where only five flies would surround my food.

The Thai g/f is still trying to process everything. She can't believe I brought her to this filthy country with these strange people who try to constantly cheat you. Needless to say, Poipet is a terrible introduction to Cambodia. There is one thing, however, that will make everything alright. And that is Thai food. So I ask a moto-op to take me to a Thai restaurant. He says there is one place that makes Thai food called Smokin Pot, but it is closed for the day. I figure Khmer food is similar so we'll give that a go.

So we enter a Khmer Restaurant and the g/f sees a Khmer girl and says "Sawatdee Kha." The Khmer girl looks frightened and runs away. Eventually a man appears and says to my g/f, " Do you speak English?" The g/f really confused at this point. How come these Thai looking people don't speak Thai. So we eventually sit down and they hand us menus. The English speaking man says,"Would you like something to drink?"
The g/f replies,"Ow Nam Plao kha. Nam keng duay kha." I explain to her again that no one speaks Thai here. I order in English and the g/f falls silent. All the Khmer girls at the restaurant are in the corner looking at us and talking about my g/f in Khmer. Being farangs, we are used to this and never think twice about being outsiders. In fact, I think some of us are more comfortable being outsiders in a foreign country. This, however, was her first experience feeling like she didn't belong to the group. Being treated like a farang came as quite a shock to her. The Khmer girls bring the food out and the g/f reflexively says "Khop khun kha." The Khmer girls leave the table as fast as possible. I order sweet and sour chicken and fried rice. Two dishes that are similar everywhere. Of course, they aren't exactly like Thailand, so the g/f barely eats.

Walking out of the restaurant to get a moto, some Khmer men start saying "hey sexy lady" to my g/f. She seems to shutdown at this point. We return to the hotel and she takes a shower, puts on Thai TV, tucks herself in, and glares at me when I try to speak. I know when to leave her alone, so I am off to do some exploring. Next part, Losing a debate on the effectiveness of supply side vs Keynesian economics with my moto-op...



The road to Sisophon.


Battambang


Goofy Statue

[njdesi]

...So I close the door of our hotel room and put the "do not disturb" sign on the doorknob. I don't think the g/f can handle dealing with Khmers at the moment. I'll let her watch Thai TV and pretend she is in Thailand.
About 200 meters from my hotel is an outdoor market. It is basically a jumble of street vendors hawking their food under canvas tents. Like everywhere else in Battambang, the flies swarmed around the food and people. The vendors would occasionally half-heartedly wave their hands, but they didn't seem to be bothered. Same with the customers. Picture slabs of beef and fish swarming with flies. And unlike the Thais, the Khmers don't use plastic to cover their curry trays. After wandering around aimlessly for a few minutes and seeing nothing edible, I randomly picked a street and started walking. I approached a wat about 300 meters south of the market. It looked like a pleasant place to take a stroll for a while. I planned on looking at some Buddha statues and then heading back to the hotel and see if the g/f has recovered. I spot a group of monks talking in front of their dormitory. One of them yells out "Hello!" to me and starts laughing. I say "hello" back and give an exaggerated wave. Thai monks in the provinces do the same. Then the Cambodian monk said,"Please have a seat here. I would like to practice my English with you." Something I've never had a Thai monk say to me. He has learned English solely from books and a few communal audiotapes at the wat. Considering the materials he had to work with, his English skills were impressive. Better than most hi-so kids whose parents spend a fortune sending their kids to private lessons. It's true what they say, money can't buy motivation. So he asks a few polite questions about where I'm from, what did I see in Battambang, etc. I show him a photo of my girl and he almost loses his head. I forgot that monks can't have sex or even whack-off. The kid entered the wat when he was ten and is now nineteen. Never had a g/f. The rest of the questions were about how to pick up women and the mechanics of intercourse. A Cambodian monk in his teens being lectured on the fairer sex by an Indian-American in his late 20s. Whoever thought globalization would lead to this scenario? Before we started singing "We are the World," I left for the hotel.

On the way back to the hotel, I see a street vendor with French baguettes. If you are ever in Cambodia, try one. Although they left the country in a mess, the Frenchies did teach them how to make a proper baguette. Crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside. Nothing like the cake they call bread in Thailand. The baguettes are filled with cucumbers, processed chicken and ham, some soy sauce, sauerkraut, and some native pate. All for the princely sum of 2,000 riel (20 baht). And it's ten times better than anything you'll get at Subways. Obliviously munching away at my sandwich, a moto-driver starts yammering at me in French. I look confused and he switches to English without missing a beat. I'm a bit caught off guard, but he isn't like the scumbags at Poipet so we talk while I head back to the hotel. He agrees to take me to the tourist attractions in Battambang the next day for $8.

So I finally arrive at the hotel. I am standing in front of the room door, dreading what the g/f reaction will be. I am really not in the mood to comfort her or listen to her whinge about the Khmers. I just want to watch some TV and sleep. I take a deep breath and open the door. The g/f practically jumps me. She gives me a kiss and says "Aap nam si." Maybe that nap can wait a little while...

Sorry for the false advertising, next part Losing a debate on the effectiveness of supply side vs Keynesian economics with my moto-op will be written shortly.


Market


Can't see the flies? Trust me, they are there.


Enlightening discourse on Battambang, Buddhism, and Banging....

[njdesi]

…I wake up the next morning with the g/f still sleeping with her head buried in my chest. I give her a kiss on the forehead and she wakes up. No makeup, hair a bit frazzled, she rubs her eyes like a kid and gives me a weak smile. So is this the sabai sabai thing Thais like to rattle on about?

Of course, it doesn’t last long. We’ll be taking two motos to visit Wat Banan and Wat Ek Phnom. Both require traveling on dirt roads and then a long hike up a mountain. A pair of blue jeans, a t-shirt, and a bandana to cover your mouth from the dust on the roads is appropriate attire for this excursion. Of course, she has to put on make up, wear a red blouse that dips below her shoulders, and a pair of white pants. I tell her to change and another argument ensues. I give up, but at least she is wearing flip flops. When her makeup starts to run and her white pants are covered in dust, I know whose fault it will be. Mine of course. I’ve accepted this. Trying to understand women is hard enough. Adding the Thai factor increases the level of difficulty by ten. Imagine being forced to run a marathon. Now imagine being forced to run a marathon backwards while spinning plates on your head. You stumble across the finish line and your Thai g/f says, “Why is there no food on the plates? You give to your mia. You joa chuu.” And this will be the most logical conversation you will ever have with your g/f.

The moto drivers are waiting for us in the hotel lobby and we are off. Exiting the town, we pass through some villages. Unfortunately, since we arrived during the dry season, most of the rice fields were barren. The scenery here must be fantastic right after the rainy season. The moto driver occasionally swerves to avoid a pothole, but the ride through the village is very smooth overall. This idyllic ride ends when we reach the main road leading to Wat Banan.

Living in Thailand, people tend to exaggerate the primitive conditions there. But can you recall the last time you rode through a dirt road in Thailand? How about a dirt road that is the main highway to the provinces? That’s exactly the type of road I was on now. Every time a large truck passed us, we were engulfed in a huge dust storm. I would pull my shirt up over my nose and crouch behind the moto driver. The g/f was doing the same. The longer we stayed on the road, the angrier I became. This road leads to the main tourist attraction in Battambang. Why isn’t the road paved? Why are there so many potholes? So I ask my moto driver, not expecting an answer but just wanting to vent. What followed was a small discourse on the debilitating effects of corruption on a society.

Channo, my moto driver, lived in the refugee camps near the Thai border for most of his childhood. At the camps, he learned to speak French and English. And not the “phut phasaa angrit keng” you say to Thais when you want to be nice. He possessed actual fluency with the ability to talk about academic subjects. If I told him he spoke English well, I would feel like a patronizing [at][at][at][at]. He wanted to become a doctor, but due to circumstances he didn’t explain, his studies were cut short. He heard vague rumors of a relative who survived the Khmer Rouge and lived in Battambang. So he decided to look up his relative and try to find employment here. Ever conversation I had with him, I felt like I was talking to an equal. How many times can you say that about the typical Thai moto driver? Most of them are Carbou listening, lao koa drinking morons. A bright, educated fellow like him should have no trouble finding work. Being Cambodia, nothing can be so simple.

In Thailand, party affiliation is straightforward. The south is solidly Democrat, the rest is Thai Rak Thai. In Cambodia, there are three main players. FUNCINPEC, CPP, and Sam Rainsy’s Party. Due to displacement caused by the Khmer Rouge era, the party strongholds are scattered throughout the country in a haphazard manner. It was even more chaotic at the refugee camps. One camp would be FUNCINPEC and another CPP. Some camps were even part of the Khmer Rouge. To complicate matters further, those that left the Khmer Rouge gulags for the border camps are looked down on by those survivors who never left the gulags. So even though Channo had skills that were in demand, he would never crack the patronage system. He was a returnee from a refugee camp and probably affiliated with the wrong party. So instead, he is forced to be a moto driver for tourists like myself. Even that probably cost him a hefty bribe. Take Channo’s situation and extend it the town we were in. Due to the Byzantine politics of Cambodia, the road would never be fixed. Only CPP provinces have a chance at public works. Unless, of course, there is a large company willing to pay huge bribes. But the only people that would benefit are the average worker. No big bribes, no road maintenance. The end result, I am crouching behind an over-educated moto driver to avoid the dust storms.

I feel bad for Channo. My moto driver should be a Carabou listening, lao koa drinking moron. I shouldn’t be discussing an article my moto driver read in the Economist about India’s tech sector. If he was Thai, he would probably be finishing up his residency and getting ready to start his own practice. When I asked him how he bought his motorcycle, he explained he had actually worked in Thailand. As a construction worker at one of the large sites in Bangkok. And his Isaan co-workers naturally looked down on him. He was just another dark skinned Khmer...

[njdesi]

We finally arrive at the base of the hill near Wat Ek Phnom. The g/f does not look amused. As I predicted, her pants are covered in dust and she is trying desperately to wash off her make-up. I brought some tissues along and she is off to the bathroom. I buy the tickets while she is off cleaning up. $2 per person, including Wat Phnom Banan. She comes back and asks me where the wat is. I point up to a Buddha statue on the top of the mountain. She cranes her neck up and then looks at me like I am madman. Before she can change her mind, I grab her arm and we start climbing the first flight of stairs.

If you go to Wat Ek Phnom or Wat Phnom Banan, you will have a few kids follow you around. Don't be too concerned. Their parents are hawking drinks, snacks, and souvenirs along the pathway. The kids just seem bored and want to watch these strange foreigners bumble around. And we did not disappoint. I think they were so entertained by my g/f that they forgot to ask for a $1 after following us around for an hour. Despite their lithe physiques, most Thais avoid any type of physical exertion. My g/f was no exception. After every few steps, she would stop to catch her breath and wipe the sweat off her face. At first, I thought she was just exaggerating to garner some sympathy, but she was really exhausted. And we had only been climbing the stairs for about ten minutes. Fokin' hell, this is going to be a long day. Some Khmer girls on their way down saw my g/f and started babbling in Khmer. I told them she was Thai. So they stopped talking and just pointed at the top of the hill, a good thirty minutes up, and started laughing. Needless to say, my g/f did not need me to ask for a translation.

I slow down the pace significantly, but the kids and I are still walking ahead of her. Whenever we stop in a shaded area, I practiced my Khmer with them. Most of it is similar to Thai, except for "How are you?" Sounds like "neck so sabai chi teeruu.." Whatever I said, it had the kids in stitches. I was probably telling them to eat day old goat shit or something. So she finally arrives and we all sit down on a few benches. She takes out her mobile and starts dialing. I am confused. Who does she know in Cambodia? When I see her dial the number again, I realize she is trying to dial Thailand. I am about to completely take the piss, but then I have an epiphany. I have been acting like a selfish prick this whole trip.

To recap, she had to take a ride on one of the worst roads in Asia. Then she stayed in a town where she could not communicate with anyone. The only people who acknowledged her were Khmer men leering at her. And every meal we had was inedible. Now I am having her climb stairs with the sun at its peak. Even though she is sweaty and dirty, she is still trying her best. So instead of mocking her, I tell her I understand that she does not like doing these types of things. But I appreciate her effort and she must really like me to be here. She smiles and says that she can't believe what she has to go through to be with me. And after that, she stopped complaining about the heat, food, etc. I wonder what wine goes good with crow.

Before we reach the top, a nun with a makeshift shrine tells us to stop and kneel before her. She starts chanting what I hope is a blessing. She then takes my g/f's hand and starts talking Khmer. After a while she stops and I place a 1,000 riel note in her alms bowl. I wisely decide not to practice my Khmer with her. I already have enough bad karma. Telling a nun to eat day old goat shit won't do me any favors.

A macabre attraction at Wat Ek Phnom is an alcove where the Khmer Rouge would throw enemies of the state to their deaths. Nowadays, the alcove is home to a few Buddha statues, monks talking to the lay people, and a family of monkeys. There also is a small cave where the Khmer Rouge would torture and kill victims. I don't believe in ghosts, spirits, or any other nonsense, but the place did give me the chills. 27 years ago, innocent people were being tortured at the very spot I was standing. And to the Khmers in their mid 30s/40s listening to the monk talk, they probably knew those people. I place a generous donation in the monk's alms bowl before I climb the stairs out of the alcove.

So we finally reach the top and I snap a few pictures. May is happy. She tells me she can't wait to go back to the hotel and take a nice shower and sleep. I decide to wait till we reach the bottom to tell her we have one more stop, Wat Phnom Banan...


Wat Ek Phnom


At the base of the hill


Making a Thai exercise.


Talking with a nun

[njdesi]

So we finally reach the top and I snap a few pictures. There are two ways you can descend from Wat Ek Phnom. You can turn around and retrace your steps. Or you can go down a narrow row of steps that will take you half way down in about ten minutes. By now, May’s white pants were covered in dirt, she was sweating profusely, and her mascara was mess. In a way, she looked like a circus performer that hit skid row. Considering my limited Thai vocabulary, I would have told her, “You same clown, make no money. Dirty! Haha!” For some reason, I did not think she would appreciate my observational humor. A warning to those taking the shortcut. The steps are extremely narrow and there is no railing. If you are drunk or very stoned, go very slowly or you could tumble down to the delight of your Khmer hosts.

After about fifteen minutes, we finally reach the base of the mountain. May is happy. She tells me she can't wait to go back to the hotel and take a nice shower and sleep. Due to my instinct for self-preservation, I waited till after we went down the narrow stairs to explain we have one more stop, Wat Phnom Banan.

While she still looks on in shock, I quickly hop on the back of my moto-ops cycle and head off. She has no choice but to follow. We take another ride on the dirt trail “highway” briefly before passing through some more villages with dried out rice paddies. On our way to Wat Phnom Banan, we pass by three wedding receptions. Some of the younger kids waved as I snapped a few pics on the back of the motorcycle. Because the country is still in such disarray, it was nice to see some hope for the future.

We arrive at Wat Phnom Banan and a couple of kids are scurrying to our bikes. “You want guide! You want guide! One dollar!” the kids scream. With our new posse in place, we start walking towards the Wat. From the bottom, you can clearly see how many steps it takes to make it to the top (similar to an Aztec Temple). May crosses her arms and looks like she is ready to pout. Seeing this, I tell to wait at the bottom. I’ll be back in thirty minutes. Before she gets a word out, I start walking up the stairs without looking back.

I am about a quarter of the way up and wondering where my posse of kids went to. I look back and see the most amazing site. May is actually walking up the stairs! Even though they would probably rob me blind with no remorse, kids are still kids anywhere. They forgot about trying to hustle me for money and instead entertained themselves watching May struggle. To her credit, she made it to the first landing before giving up. The kids join her in the shade while I continue to the top.

Wat Phnom Banan is one of the oldest temples in Cambodia dating back to the 10th century. In other words, before Angkor. Unfortunately, you can never escape the reality of modern Cambodia. Looters had defaced or stolen most of the elaborate carvings and fighting during the Khmer Rouge era caused parts of the temple to be missing. I am disheartened to see a unique, natural treasure in such disrepair. It drives me crazy sometimes. You see these remnants of an advanced, superior civilization. But when you take your eyes of the temples, you realize you are surrounded by shit. This is probably why Cambodia is such a mind fuck.

I snap a few pics and head down to the landing where May is. I joke around with the kids a bit, saying, “Where you from? You are from France? Germany? No? Cambodia! Really!” One kid, with the utmost seriousness, assures me he is not a 25, but is only 6 years old. We share my water bottle before heading back down. When I get to the bottom, Chano tells me that there is one more stop. An old railroad track with a hand propelled cart. Before May dies of exhaustion, I decide to skip this part of the itinerary and head back to the hotel.

Next part, The Ghost of Ganja Past…



Wat Phnom Banan

[NickA]

It might have been easier for her if you'd taken the blindfold off!!!

[njdesi]

^
First you give them sight. Then they want to hear things. It would never end....

[MeMock]

Wow!

I just finished reading that and have to say that was one of the best travel stories I have read in a long time. Always better with pics - well done.

[Marmite the Dog]

Awesome Desi.

Thanks so much for posting that over here. I'd not read the last few installments before.

[klongmaster]

… (A quick preview for Marmite and Ike, the only two people reading this )

…..

Not true desi...I read it all the way through and it was excellent...

of course we all know you're a little fucked in the head taking ur Thai gf with you...coals to newcastle and all that...

however..thks for your effort in putting this together

I've never heard of these places before

[dirtydog]

Yep best travel blog type thingy that I have read in a long time, well done desi

[NickA]

Maybe this could be made into some sort of series -

I took a Thai (bar)girl to......... Russia, China, Japan, India etc.....

[ChiangMai noon]

Fantastic, informative read.
I was thinking about taking my wife to Cambodia at christmas.

nipped that idea in the bud.

[LeedsLeedsLeeds]

Samea as CMN, the wife and I had planned on going to Siem Reap next month as we have friends living there, not so sure now. I'm sure that the wife would cope as she is fluent in English and speaks passable french, the food would be a problem though. We travelled around Laos for a month, went on holiday to Nepal and she enjoyed both trips. The funniest aspect of going to Laos was that we sent post-cards to her parents which were hidden behind post-cards from Guernsey. The multiltude of family visitors haven't a clue where Guernsey is but who cares? As long as no-one knows that we've been to Laos!

[Marmite the Dog]

Take the girls to Phnom Penh for a weekend. They'd love it.

[Crackajack]

Hell Confusous say "if woman were tree stumps man wouldn’t throw stones at them". Seems as though Wemen are no different whether they are Thai, Cambodia or farangs. It might have been easier to do the trip on ones own. Although being greeted at you hotel room like that would be difficult on your own, but then again wemen are a dime-a-dozen. A bit like ordering take out or take in as it were…! Nice story though... a few more pic's would have been even nicer!

[njdesi]

Please stop posting my cambodia trip on the LP.
I'll feel embarrassed taking the piss out of the backpackers I saw in Phnom Penh after all of their nice comments.

Half finished the last part, will look at my digital pics to jog my memory. It feels strange reading this again seven months later. Have some good memories reading this, but also feel a bit uncomfortable. I guess I should write an update on what eventually happened between myself and May.

[dirtydog]

My apologies njdesi, i am the one to blame for that, but hell its the best thing we have on this board

[KoolJohn74]

when's the next installment ?

A great read

[DrAndy]

We are off to Siem Reap on Sunday. I was there a few years ago but not my wife.

She is well travelled now, so should be fun

she can also speak Kymer so hopefully will be able to sneak in to Angkor on a cheap local ticket

No Chinese New Year for me, hooray

[njdesi]

^
I'm a lazy fok. If I get drunk and start thinking about Thailand, I'll write the last part. Or I'll just post some ramblings in my drunken asshole thread.

[dirtydog]

We are still waiting

[DrAndy]

I just got back yesterday from Siem Reap, it was fun

if you complain about two tier pricing in Thailand, do not go to Cambodia, esp Siem reap. They have got it into an art form; restaurants have menus in English with tourist prices (about double), the airport tax is over-double for non-Cambodians, all the tuktuks prices are double, entrance to Ankor Wat is about 20X etc etc. Everyone wants money and tourists have it

My wife can speak Khymer, so she posed as a local and we found out lots of things that could piss you off as a tourist, but the people are also very nice, pleasant and polite. We found good food, at stalls and restaurants, and good bars. In fact, we had a fun week, although a little expensive overall. My wife was not too impressed by the temples, after the first three, but preferred just bicycling around the town and stopping at interesting places. We even had our fortunes told by some old crone who insisted she was married to a French officer. He had left without her, for some reason.

Very funny place too!

[nycjoe]

Shoulda hooked up with the dog, he had a hell of a time and never left his room. Urban Legend in PP.