Has life in Asia ever been shit enough for you to miss England? Do you ever find yourself missing jackets and coats, Sainsbury’s and Waitrose, pubs at Christmas time, Top Gear, Have I Got News For You and Jonathan Ross?
Is it possible that now you have your sexy little Asian girlfriend that you could handle life in the UK because at least you’ll get laid and have company?
Have you not had enough of Thailand and do you ever consider moving back there like some of your mates have done with their Asian wives who are now happily settled in Amersham or Waterlooville or Thame or Harrow on the Hill and are learning to cook from Ainsley Harriot on the telly and are no longer jealous and moody because there are no go-go bars to go to?
Your parents are getting on a bit, they don’t know it yet but they would love your missus and she would take care of them when they had to use a chamber pot, unlike your brothers wife who can’t even lift a finger to send an e-mail saying ‘Thanks for the special anniversary edition of our wedding video that you were up until 6am editing’.
Are you afraid that once back you would never return or are you more afraid that ‘townies’, joy riders and wayward kids on drugs would accost you in their English street wigger dialect and happy slap you?