Thread: Dinner party, the f**cking up thereof

How dare you call ME inhumane.

Originally Posted by somtamslap

How dare you call ME inhumane.

I didn't.

You merely imagined it.

Calm down.

Right, you fucker.

I'm gonna do the washing up!


I really am actually. The kitchen's a mess. There's fucking matter everywhere.

Originally Posted by somtamslap

I'm gonna do the washing up!

Gloves or pliers?

Think you missed 1 hour cooking time for the pork still must be nice to lose 1 hour of your life whilst sober.
Personally i would have left earlier no WINE in my glass.

The entire sink's gone rotten.

I won't be attempting anything without the gloves.

Originally Posted by klong toey

Think you missed 1 hour cooking time for the pork

Think you might be right. This is a bit of pork belly I did a while back. Some three hours in the oven and a perfect snap, crackle and pop on it...

Generally speaking, one should roast a pork joint for about 30 minutes a pound, and then add another 30 mins, at around 180c in a fan oven. Crackling is difficult at best of times but the surefire route is to separate it from the underlying fat once the joint is ready and return it to the oven at, say, 200 C for another 10-15 minutes. It can be dovetailed with giving the roasters a nice final blast of heat and while the pork joint is resting under a foil envelope to keep it warm. The juices which escape should be added to the gravy.

Otherwise, it looked fine - no need to clutter a plate up and one should eschew the British notion that vegetables need to be piled high. They are a garnish for the pork which should take centre stage although a handy reserve left in the kitchen is useful for those with piggy appetites. Underdone pork is not as tricky as it once was when worms abounded in the livestock. However, rare pork can be difficult to digest. Eating rare chicken is the real no-no since salmonella is endemic in Britain. I actually like my pork juicy and a slight tinge of pinkness in the middle of the joint isn't a death warrant.

I'll have some of those tater's...Did you inform "The Wallster," that you keep your nads in a cup and soup in bowl yet?

^What gravy Gent, I don't see any gravy?

Originally Posted by Seekingasylum

They are a garnish for the pork which should take centre stage

Of course, the guests were informed as such.

Originally Posted by ltnt

I don't see any gravy?

I did eventually make an appearance.

Originally Posted by somtamslap

I did eventually make an appearance.

You did? Before or after the bottle was consumed? "I did...."Gin Jesus! No stomach lining left in you Slap...whew! Bad stuff gin...switch to grain alcohol please...

^ Does, doesn't it...

looks like Freddie Krugers neck

Originally Posted by Seekingasylum

Generally speaking, one should roast a pork joint for about 30 minutes a pound, and then add another 30 mins, at around 180c in a fan oven. Cr

Would you care to impart your expertise on the subject of sausages, please ?

don't roast em'

Originally Posted by Headworx

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Scored with a Stanley blade - nary a crunch!

After some guidance from Google and experimenting, the tricks for great crackling with an electric oven are to score evenly, dry the fat and also inside inside the scores thoroughly with paper towel, press coarsely ground salt into the surface and scores, then put the meat on the top rack of an over set to full-bore for about 20 mins (though this will depend on the size of the joint and the heat of your oven). Once the crackling has taken shape, turn the oven down and cook as normal.



Works well

Cooked properly, shouldn't be overcooked - as in: OVER WELL DONE.

^Aren't you another one of the peanut gallery who's always got some piece of advice to say in this section of the forum, but has never once posted a home-cooked food pic?. Ever?.

Anyway, due to the magic of a 200 Baht meat thermometer on a probe, no meat should ever be overcooked. Or undercooked, unless you want it that way.



Feel free to show us how it should be done.

Is there now a vegetable shortage in England or did you do the Thai thing of only putting 6 pieces of potato on a plate?

Also, what was the yellow stuff on the plate?

Originally Posted by CSFFan

Is there now a vegetable shortage in England or did you do the Thai thing of only putting 6 pieces of potato on a plate? Also, what was the yellow stuff on the plate?

Potato: complete lack of foresight on my behalf - I forgot English nippers love roasties and gravy.

Yellow stuff: cheddar infused swede.

Originally Posted by Headworx

^Aren't you another one of the peanut gallery who's always got some piece of advice to say in this section of the forum, but has never once posted a home-cooked food pic?. Ever?.

Anyway, due to the magic of a 200 Baht meat thermometer on a probe, no meat should ever be overcooked. Or undercooked, unless you want it that way.



Feel free to show us how it should be done.

That looks great, can you do an adult serving?

Originally Posted by Koojo

properly dry

This is most certainly the way forward.

More guests due to a fortnight.

45 mins mate ! jeez your lucky you never got food poisoning .

you want 35 mins per 500gm + another 35 mins on top

Fan oven 190

BTW shopping at Waitrose ?? you must be one of the few on TD who shop there

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Yellow stuff: cheddar infused swede.

Cheese & swede? Nooooooo!