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  1. #1
    Isle of discombobulation Joe 90's Avatar
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    Bomb squad scrambled to A&E after mortar shell gets stuck in man's bottom

    Troops from 11th Explosive Ordnance Disposal Regiment rushed to the Gloucestershire Royal Hospital after being notified by police 'that a patient had presented with a munition in his rectum'.

    The man was said to be a military enthusiast who found the shell while clearing out, but somehow 'tripped' and fell onto the 57mm piece of army ordnance.

    The mortar round was used by the Royal Artillery in the Second World War as anti-tank rounds, though it would later also be used by British tanks in North Africa.

    These rounds measure at 57mm (2.2 inches) in diameter and an eye-watering 170mm (6.7 inches) in length.

    A spokesperson for Gloucestershire Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust said: "We can confirm that the police and Explosive Ordnance Disposal team (EOD) attended Gloucestershire Royal Hospital yesterday

    Bomb squad scrambled to A&E after mortar shell gets stuck in man's bottom - Manchester Evening News


    Makes you wonder what *really* happened to those war vets who came back with shell-shock. No wonder they don't like to talk about it.
    Shalom

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe 90 View Post
    The man was said to be a military enthusiast who found the shell while clearing out, but somehow 'tripped' and fell onto the 57mm piece of army ordnance.
    ...*cough*...

  3. #3
    Chinese spy sabang's Avatar
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    UXO clearance specialists did not sign up for this!

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
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    ...always turn on a light when inserting a dildo...

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat VocalNeal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe 90 View Post

    The man was said to be a military enthusiast who found the shell while clearing out, but somehow 'tripped' and fell onto the 57mm piece of army ordnance.
    Bummer

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Joe90 does a little fist pump and exclaims "Subscribing to that anal insertions hints and tips mailing list really paid off!"



  7. #7
    Excommunicated baldrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joe 90 View Post
    Manchester Evening News
    I gather this is not out of the ordinary

  8. #8
    In Uranus
    bsnub's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by harrybarracuda View Post
    Joe90 does a little fist pump and exclaims "Subscribing to that anal insertions hints and tips mailing list really paid off!"
    Why not he is already on all the dogging lists.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat
    Mendip's Avatar
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    ^ This sort of thing is right up his alley!

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat Saint Willy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mendip View Post
    ^ This sort of thing is right up his alley!

    That's a shitty pun.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    It's a dark passage in TD's history.

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat Saint Willy's Avatar
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    I bet that bomb wrecked 'im.

  13. #13
    Praise Jesus
    Edmond's Avatar
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    That must have hurt like buggery!

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
    dirk diggler's Avatar
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    Doctor Foster went to Gloucester,
    To check out some military fare.
    He found and an old nuke,
    stuck it right up his dook,
    Then cause a provincial bum scare.

  15. #15
    Praise Jesus
    Edmond's Avatar
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    ^ Now we're talking.


    Tomcat unloaded his gun
    Lodged the shell inside of his bum
    It was a good trick
    as jolly Mendip
    inspected Tom's inner rectum

  16. #16
    Chinese spy sabang's Avatar
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    That bloke will go down like a bomb on Grindr.

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond View Post
    Tomcat unloaded his gun
    Lodged the shell inside of his bum
    It was a good trick
    as jolly Mendip
    inspected Tom's inner rectum
    ...you do have a day job, right?...

  18. #18
    SMILEY VIRUS
    david44's Avatar
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    Glad our TD UXB bum squad on the case, Clues O to the rescue to give a good ordnance survey.


  19. #19
    Thailand Expat
    Mendip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond View Post
    ^ Now we're talking.


    Tomcat unloaded his gun
    Lodged the shell inside of his bum
    It was a good trick
    as jolly Mendip
    inspected Tom's inner rectum
    Yet again, I fail to see why I'm included in a thread. I really have better things to do right now.

    But, anyway...

    There once was a deviant called Ed...
    Who dropped a torpedo right on his wife's head,
    She said, 'how dare you...
    You know I hate pooh,
    I think Luigi will send you a red'!

    As should I, you weirdo.

  20. #20
    I am not a cat
    nidhogg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mendip View Post
    Yet again, I fail to see why I'm included in a thread. I really have better things to do right now.
    You are a board icon mendy. Enjoy the fame..

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by tomcat View Post
    Tomcat unloaded his gun
    Lodged the shell inside of his bum
    It was a good trick
    as jolly Mendip
    inspected Tom's inner rectum
    ...you do have a day job, right?...
    Current job is sufficient.

  22. #22
    Praise Jesus
    Edmond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg View Post
    You are a board icon mendy. Enjoy the fame..
    Mendy did whinge and did whine
    Six months without yaadong and wine
    Spread on the bed
    in the gardener's shed
    Now he smiles big and wide all the time.




    Quote Originally Posted by tomcat View Post
    ...you do have a day job, right?...
    I'm actually looking.

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat
    Mendip's Avatar
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    Ed is a little bit thick
    He just can't do a limerick
    It's such simple rules
    Just count syllables
    But he'd rather make up a new nick!


    And I don't winge and whine by the way. The wife says the same... I just make observations.

  24. #24
    Praise Jesus
    Edmond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mendip View Post
    He just can't do a limerick
    Mendo, he doth speak the truth
    Poetry is not my strong suit
    After one day Nana
    he's 10 kilos lighter
    Happily sipping on yaadong vermouth.


    Onya Mendy.

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat
    Mendip's Avatar
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    Fuck me it's worse than I thought
    He can't count, nor rhyme, what a sort
    The words that he uses
    Are like Chico's abuses
    But at least he's stopped droning about sport

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