Weymouth is a bit like Hua Hin. Actually, no — scratch that. It is absolutely fucking nothing like Hua Hin. But if one was to liken British seaside resorts to Thai tourist hotspots, I'd probably pair them together.
Pattaya - Blackpool
Phuket - Bournemouth
Samui - Skegness
Koh Chang - Torquay
Hua Hin - Weymouth
Oh my. What a woeful state of affairs. WHo the fuck am I kidding? No one, that's who.
Anyway you can keep your sun-drenched golden sand and warm azure surf. Keep it! And damn it to Hades and back.
This year we went to Weymouth and had a ruddy, bloody marvellous time - ish. Here I have documented the journey in pictures.
We travelled down by train — Slappette number one can be seen here doodling on a copy of the Metro, which is pretty much all it's good for:
Upon alighting the train at Weymouth, I was totally shocked to hear that everyone was hungry, so we made haste and ran for our very lives to the nearest purveyor of... well... anything! "Just give us some fucking food," my family cried with anguished wails.
Because we were at the sea, I plumped for something that used to live in it.
Crab salad — it sufficed:
Now that we were fed and watered, off we trudged to the beach. It appeared that a quarter the nation's poulation had the same idea:
After sandcastles had been built, the sea been paddled in, and several thoroughly unsatisfying games of bat and ball had been played, we repaired to my favourite place in Weymouth — Wetherspoons (The William Henry) — for dinner. And after everyone else was settled back at the B&B I went back there and drank myself stupid.
However, the next morning I was up at 6.30 and busied myself with an eight mile run along the seafront.
I listened to this as I ran, taking in the cool morning sea air. It was one of the greatest single moments of my adult life...
Back at the B&B, and a proud moment for any father to behold... The little ones enjoying their first full-English breakfast - albeit a bad one. The orange juice was nice though.
And finally, for me, the highlight of the trip. A good old Punch and Judy show: