Slap's canal caper

[somtamslap]

I'm not sure if I'm having a mid-life crisis or a nervous breakdown, but either way, having been presented with the task to travel to Basingstoke this weekend I decided to undertake the journey on a bicycle, via the canal.

If you've never heard of Basingstoke, which is likely, it is a small city in Hampshire; if you've never heard of Hampshire, it is one of the six home counties which border London; if you've never heard of London you're a fucking idiot.

The ride, my computer informed me, would be approximately 25 miles, and, because the canal tow path isn't the most buttock-friendly of surfaces, could take me a good few hours to complete - especially when factoring in photograph, fag, and, of course, public house stops into the equation.

From the outset I found myself submerged in autumnal beauty - the canal still and serene, the bracken turning through its shades, and the bracing October air crisp and fresh.



Shipwrecked: but alas, this old barge was still being used - by ducks...

[chassamui]

Pubs and canals are synonomous inventions.

[bankao dreamer]

Nice reminds me of when I used to cycle to work using the canal paths near Birmingham. Not as nice as Hampshire granted. But nice and peaceful until I started encountering hoards of east European types attempting to catch the geese and swans for din dins

[withnallstoke]

factoring in photograph, fag, and, of course, public house stops

Where are the half pints of lager shandy photos?

[pseudolus]

Basingstoke? I had a gardener in the UK, old geeza with out many marbles but decent enough. He was off for 2 weeks and I asked him where he was going. "Bastingstoke". Its only 40 miles away from where I lived. Fucking Basingstoke? Yep - he had been going there every year for 40 odd years he said. Loved it.


Takes all sorts.

Any slut photos?

[somtamslap]

Any slut photos?

There is a slut photo as it happens.

Where are the half pints of lager shandy photos?

All en route. Note to self: don't start threads on a week day morning.

[Dillinger]

the bracing October air crisp and fresh.

You mean cold/brass monkeys ?

You off to any bonfires ?

[Loy Toy]

if you've never heard of London you're a fucking idiot.

Is that the place where their bridge is falling down?

And it seems no fvcker sweeps up the dead leaves.

[Topper]

falling down?

falling down...

[Loy Toy]

falling down...

My fair lady!

[thaimeme]

if you've never heard of London you're a fucking idiot.

Is that the place where their bridge is falling down?

They sold the bridge. As they did everything that was traditionally British.

Lovely.

[somtamslap]

According to Strava, my ride went horribly wrong after I'd popped into the Fox and Hounds for a swift ale...

[somtamslap]

I pondered this graffiti for a while; admired the artist's tenacity; took heed in the moral - then it dawned on me; the saucy little fucker wrote it from a barge. Bastard vandal...

[somtamslap]

A little further up the canal I came across this.

'Help yourself to a small donation'

Don't mind if I do...

[somtamslap]

No shit, Jason. No shit, mate...

[somtamslap]

Onwards!


The solace of a public house shall and must be sought...

[peterpan]

Are you going to hang around for the big bang? (its not Betty or another slut, but their annual bonfire)

[charleyboy]

Thought it read...Slap's anal caper!

[somtamslap]

Are you going to hang around for the big bang?

I shall be here for bonfire night - windows closed wanking over Homeland.

Thought it read...Slap's anal caper!

No, you wanted it to read Slap's anal caper. Be patient. 'Slap's bottie bonanza' shall be airing shortly.

[somtamslap]

These larger pools presented a nice excuse to have a sit down, roll an Old Hoborn, and scour the panorama for anything of aquatic interest...



This heron was as good as it got...

[somtamslap]

This is the kind of bridge that tramps drink Sainsbury's Super Strength lager under. I paused for posterity... it filled me with an enormous sense of wellbeing.



By now, of course, I had a king's thirst for the frosty brew...

[somtamslap]

And there it was. Glistening with a Utopian aura. The Holy Grail of any canal cyclist.

A fucking public house. A warm, cosy, alcoholic beverage purveying public house.





Food was required. I opted for the 'sandwich and soup of the day' combo for 6.25.

Here we have the BBC (greenery for the acronym) and potato and leek respectively...

[somtamslap]

I think that soup was laced with lau khao.

As previously mentioned, my GPS, having traced my actions, suggested that I went fucking beserk for five minutes...

[withnallstoke]

BBC

Bacon, brown (sauce) and cheese?

[somtamslap]

Bacon, brown (sauce) and cheese?

Absolutely not - bladdy norfern philistine.

Some of it was right though.