Well, thanks for the tips guys.
I seem to be all out of Vaseline!
The only suitable stuff in my bathroom kit is a tub of liquid soap and a tub of shampoo. I'm not sure they'll be any good.
There's also two sealed 'dental kits', two shower caps and two packs of cotton buds, but I'll take them home for presents for the wife and daughter.
I need to do something because I'm hobbling around like a 90 year-old.
I know I'll regret it, but I'm going to send a LINE message to my temperature nurse along with the picture of my foot. I just know that this will get complicated.