The race back to Britain, 2017

[somtamslap]

A quick update.

I currently find myself in some grotty little hostelry in Bordeaux. Yes, Bordeaux.

My train from Paris stood static on the tracks in the middle of France yesterday afternoon due to 'luggage' (I must learn to speak this language), and this meant I missed my connection to the border.

So the plan has changed and I will ride home from here. Firstly though I must shake off the effects of eight bottles of Heineken and a carafe of vin rouge (Bordeaux) - my head is bastard banging.

I'm aiming my bicycle towards a place called Soulac-Sur-Mer and will hopefully stick some pics on here this evening.

[Neverna]

And from Soulac-Sur-Mer take a ferry to Royan? Or does your new bike have water wings?

[Bogon]

^ Damn, just looked at Royan and they have a place called PLANET EXOTICA (yes, labelled in capital letters).

Clicked it and turns out it's a botanical garden of some sorts and not a place with whips, chains and candle wax dripped on your nipples.

As you were Slappers...

Looking forward to the update.

[somtamslap]

And from Soulac-Sur-Mer take a ferry to Royan?

That's the plan.

80 flat miles from Bordeaux to Soulac yesterday, all along a cycle path - the French, it has to be said, have nailed cycling infrastructure.

^ Damn, just looked at Royan and they have a place called PLANET EXOTICA (yes, labelled in capital letters).

Cheers Boggles, I'll certainly keep an eye out for that.

The two days of travelling down here totally took it out of me (I drunk a wee bit too much booze), and I'm shirking pictorial duties due to being to fucking knackered to go through the whole photobucket rigmarole.

Will hopefully get on it later today.

Pointing the bike at Nantes, 138 miles up the road.

[bsnub]

80 flat miles from Bordeaux to Soulac yesterday

What was your average speed?

[somtamslap]

PLANET EXOTICA (

I saw a sign for it, Boggles, and took a picture just for you.

What was your average speed?

15mph for that. But it included negotiating a way out of Bordeaux, and I'm fully laden here. The backpack is causiing me quite a bit of grief, as is the French predispodition for taking siestas at exactly the same time as I want lunch.

In La Rochelle at present with a gut full of moules et frites and Stella Artois.

[Neverna]

In La Rochelle at present with a gut full of moules et frites and Stella Artois.

Superb. Much better than grilled pork on a stick with sticky rice and a Leo.

[somtamslap]

i'm at the top. a week on the road has rendered me rather fucking knackered. will add pics when i get home.

[bsnub]

15mph for that.

That's a long day.

[dirk diggler]

Good effort man, best of luck to you!

I waz skydiving in Pattaya a couple of weeks ago and i met an absolute legend of a man that goes by the name of Jo Skeats. This guy, 23 years old, had cycled there from uk.

Hopefully ill be in Songkhla when he arrives after cambodia, vietnam and laos.

You can check his blog and route here https://www.google.co.kr/search?ie=U...CZKl8wf_mr7oDw

[Neverna]

I hope Slap is OK. No word from him for a couple of days.

[Chittychangchang]

Last heard off stomping grapes in Brittany.



I fear he may have gone native..

[katie23]

^lol. Vive le France!

I have nice memories of 40% absinthe from France. Just 2 shots of it and I was very *happy* already. Good thing I didn't sample the 70%!

Hope slaps is okay, and hope to see more pics of the French countryside.

[somtamslap]

It's all good in the hood - back at home where I had the first reasonable night's kip for a week. I also have access to a computer that works and a half-decent net connection, so here's a few pics from the first day.

Things started well enough. I woke up, albeit with a low-level hangover, and made the short walk over to St Pancras international where I would catch the 07.55 train toe Paris Gare du Nord.



The service was both punctual and pacy... and also gave me the chance to brush up on my French. The language barrier, however, would prove to be quite a hindrance - and the little French I no would be flecked with both English and Thai. I was speaking to these people in broken Thai for the most part - they honestly didn't know what the fuck was going on. But credit where it's due, 90 per cent of the French people I spoke with were capable of at least telling me they couldn't speak English - in English.



Two-and-half hours after leaving London, ploughing a furrow through the classic French countryside - flat pastureland dotted with church spires and little hamlets - we arrived in Paris. This where the journey would start getting a little, how can I say - awkward.



Firstly I had to locate my bicycle which had been sent out on an earlier train. Finding 'Dispatch' - or Geo Parts as they call it - was a chore. I was already feeling a little fatigued from the travelling I'd already done, so upon quizzing a few of the station staff about the whereabouts of my 'velo' (ou est my fucking velo?) and receiving blank stares, I decided to take advantage of the country's current state of emergency and queried three burly soldiers brandishing semi automatic assault rifles. They pointed me in roughly the right direction and I eventually found my bike, got on it then started pedalling through Paris - my destination Gare Montparnasse, about five miles south of my present location.

To be honest, a combination of luck and a sheer will to get the fuck out of here as quickly as possible was my only compass.







At last...



More in a bit.

[bsnub]

^ Can't see the pics....

[Neverna]

I can see them.

[ENT]

In La Rochelle at present with a gut full of moules et frites and Stella Artois.

Superb. Much better than grilled pork on a stick with sticky rice and a Leo.

I gave up on that cr*p a while ago after checking out the sources of the meat and rice.

I almost went totally vego, but refrained from the mad impulse and got some good imported whey for protein and scored some organic purple rice, but the hankering for a bit of NZ hill run Merino wether, roast or bbq'd along with a decent home-brewed stout remains.

[hallelujah]

If you think that's trouble, Slap, you should try getting from Gare du Nord to Gare d'Austerlitz in the south east of the city when none of the travelling party is willing to pay a franc for the privilege.

Fucking funny though

[Dillinger]

take your bike test and get another Honda Wave, you nutter

[somtamslap]

Gare d'Austerlitz

Never heard of it. Sounds horrible. I won't be attempting to get there any time soon.

From Gare Montparnasse I had to catch a train to Bordeaux and then get a connection down to Hendaye on the border.

Once cosily ensconsed in the carriage, I found the buffet car and hit it - hard. These little saucisson snacks are sensational.



One thing I'd say about the French rail service - the TGV - is that although their trains are rapid, they've not exactly been designed with wants of the inquisitive tourist in mind... Through these windows I can see a grass verge through the bottom section and the sky through the top. The middle bit - aka 'the view' - has been barricaded by a massive chunk of plastic. Poor show, Monsewers. Poor show.



Some 20km outside of Bordeaux, the train stopped. This little delay would go on to alter the dynamic of the entire trip. It transpired that there had been a bomb scare in Bordeaux station, and that we would sit static on the tracks for the next two hours. I missed my connecting train, and due to the time contraints of the journey, I didn't have the luxury of another day's travel. I would have to start in Bordeaux and pedal to the top from here.

Outside Bordeaux train station.



By this time I was fairly heavily pissed, so I went into the shabbiest (and therefore hopefully the cheapest) hotel I could find.



The room naturally came with all the mod cons; tv, hot shower, five-foot plastic pole...




This hotel was run by a Morroccan person and he and his friends played cards and laughed raucously while I made steady in-roads into a carafe of vin rouge and shovelled home huge spoonfuls of couscous et poulet... it was indeed a delicious repast.



The sun setting over Bordeaux.



And come the morning, nursing a spiteful, guns-blazing hangover, I swiped open the curtains and surveyed the road ahead.

Now the cycling would finally begin.

[Neverna]

Brings back memories of my youth. Ahh.

[nidhogg]

I made steady in-roads into a carafe of vin rouge

And come the morning, nursing a spiteful, guns-blazing hangover,

Dafuk? That little carafe gave a "spiteful, guns-blazing hangover" ?????

Either you are way more of a pussy than you let on, or there was a wee bit more to the story.

For now, pussy has it.

[bsnub]

That little carafe gave a "spiteful, guns-blazing hangover" ?????

[somtamslap]

Dafuk? That little carafe gave a "spiteful, guns-blazing hangover" ?????

Actually I think the preceding 10 cans of Kronenbourg were the main contributers.

[klong toey]

Mr Slap, I'm not sure if if you are aware of the fact that there are a lot easier way's of doing a pub crawl.