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  1. #26
    Knows fok all
    daveboy's Avatar
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    All wheel drive them Jags.

  2. #27
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    It's a Modeo with a dinner jacket

  3. #28
    Never Mind The Bollix
    Looper's Avatar
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    I was very happy with my shiny Jag until Smeg mentioned in a post a while ago that he has got one. Now I feel a peculiar sense of unease when I get in and look down at the leaping cat in the middle of the wheel.

  4. #29
    Knows fok all
    daveboy's Avatar
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    Oh well thanks looper I'm in a foking smegmoble now.

    Last edited by daveboy; 29-02-2012 at 01:16 AM.

  5. #30
    Thailand Expat
    Bogon's Avatar
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    ^ Can fit 8 people comfortability.

    2 in the front.
    3 in the back
    3 dead ex-girlfriends in the boot!

  6. #31
    Never Mind The Bollix
    Looper's Avatar
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    Was lying on the beach today seeing if I could try and catch the eye of this presentable 40 y/o aussie MILF.

    She was pretty fit although obviously been around the block a few times but beggars can't be choosers in farangland.

    Anyway I though I had got a few sideways glances from her and might be able to strike up some amiable banter if we both went for a swim at the same time when out of nowhere a seagull took a swooping dive and did massive shite on the side of my neck. I have never seen bird shite of this quality or quantity. Like a cupful of thick translucent pale green gloop the consistency of swarfega. No idea what it had been eating but I think it was in need of medical attention.

    Anyway my Irish granny assured me many years ago that being hit by a bird in flight is a sure sign of good luck but when you are sitting on the beach covered in shite and your target MILF is sniggering into her magazine it feels more like bad luck.

    I retired from the sand defeated for the day and repaired to the showers to hose myself down.

  7. #32
    Never Mind The Bollix
    Looper's Avatar
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    Bad news: Almost exactly 14 years to the day since my last speeding ticket in Sydney I got another ticket today. Range 2 speeding $227 + 3 points. Price has gone up a bit since last time.

    Good news: I was caught doing 79 in a 60 zone. 19kmh over the limit. 1 more kph and it would have been range 3 speeding. $351 + 4 points.

  8. #33
    Lord of Swine
    Necron99's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    Bad news: Almost exactly 14 years to the day since my last speeding ticket in Sydney I got another ticket today. Range 2 speeding $227 + 3 points. Price has gone up a bit since last time.

    Good news: I was caught doing 79 in a 60 zone. 19kmh over the limit. 1 more kph and it would have been range 3 speeding. $351 + 4 points.
    If you havent had a ticket in 10 years write them a nice letter asking to be let off due to good behaviour, I did and it worked.
    You must admit guilt in the letter.

  9. #34
    Never Mind The Bollix
    Looper's Avatar
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    Well I have never heard of that but I was scratching my brains unsuccessfully trying to think of a way to wriggle out of it so I might give that a spin.

    Do you remember was that range 1 or 2 or 3 speeding?

    Was that QLD?

  10. #35
    Lord of Swine
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    it was Vic and it might be limited to range one... Can't recall/

  11. #36
    I am in Jail
    Mr Earl's Avatar
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    Bad lucky is when the battery on me new Porschy goes flatty, Boohoo. call the toe truckee

    Me go ride the bikee

    and fuck you nicely

  12. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Earl View Post
    Bad lucky is when the battery on me new Porschy goes flatty, Boohoo. call the toe truckee

    Me go ride the bikee

    and fuck you nicely
    Stop drinking Earl.

  13. #38
    Thailand Expat
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    Good news. Just let off the most amazing fart.

    Bad news. There were lumps in it!

  14. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I can remember playing cricket when I was in my early teens and one of the girls with us tried to leap-frog the stumps...very messy indeed.
    Was it one of those spring loaded sets on a heavy metal base? Made by a company called "Flange Catapult" and misappropriated by the cricket people.

  15. #40
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Bad Luck: I had my leg amputated yesterday.
    Good Luck: The bloke in the bed next door wants to buy my slippers.

  16. #41
    Member ChookRaffle Jones's Avatar
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    Bad luck: I got 3 parking tickets last week, $50, $50, $100
    Good luck: I didn't find the parking inspector, I would have strangled him/her and would be in jail now.

  17. #42
    Never Mind The Bollix
    Looper's Avatar
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    I got a letter back from QPS in response to Necron's suggested appeal for clemency telling me to get bent and pay my fine



    Bad news: I got another ticket the very next day.

    Good news: it was for doing 72 kmh in a 60 zone. Range 1 - $151 + 1 point. 1 more kmh and it would have been range 2 speeding - $237 + 3 points.

    I feel a bit conned though since the date of offence was before they even posted the 1st ticket. Would have been nice to get the heads up first.

    I believe the traffic po-po is now using unmarked cars as I have avoided fines for 14 years just by watching out for the white van or cop with speed gun and have avoided many tickets with judicious and timely braking.

    If this is true then that means I have almost no option but to actually start driving slower which seems like a bit bollix to me

    Bad news: Cutting down trees today I managed to drop one right on my Note 3



    Good news: I get to buy a new phone now

  18. #43
    The cold, wet one
    November Rain's Avatar
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    Bad luck: My previous employer (the worst ever!) was late giving me my P45 back & put on it a leaving date 2 months after I actually left, so I've been on emergency tax for 6 months. Have talked to tax office & they were taxing my present (only!) job as a second job

    Good luck: All sorted now & end of this or next month, I will be getting a nice little rebate. Seeing as I'm crap at saving, I'm looking at this as a convenient savings scheme!

  19. #44
    Never Mind The Bollix
    Looper's Avatar
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    Bad Luck: I have recently lost my gigantic porn stash of over 10 years vintage. I cannot find it on any hard drive anywhere after moving all my shit around doing a spring clean recently - and this happens right at the start of the Covid lockin. fark.

    Good Luck: I have spent Tuesday and Wednesday this week beginning the lengthy and arduous task of rebuilding the stash from scratch and have struck gold by turning up many old favourites on pornhub.

    Bad Luck: I am running the risk of terminal RSI in the process and I had strained the spuds dangerously empty by close of business Wednesday night.

    But once I set my mind to task I see it through


  20. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    It is true that being stabbed in the arsecheek with a rusty spike doesn't sound all that great but a glass is half full person will recognise and celebrate the narrow avoidance of a far worse fate.
    ...the sudden penetration of your ring piece by a rusty spike might seem like a pleasant change...

  21. #46
    Never Mind The Bollix
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    Quote Originally Posted by tomcat View Post
    ...the sudden penetration of your ring piece by a rusty spike might seem like a pleasant change...
    I had completely forgotten about that nasty incident until I followed that quote link back to the OP.

    The freshly awakened memory makes me wince just thinking about it.


  22. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    The freshly awakened memory makes me wince just thinking about it.

    ...ah, young love...

  23. #48
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    by turning up many old favourites on pornhub.
    what are you using to download the vids ?

  24. #49
    Thailand Expat TheRealKW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Looper View Post
    Bad Luck: I have recently lost my gigantic porn stash of over 10 years vintage. I cannot find it on any hard drive anywhere after moving all my shit around doing a spring clean recently - and this happens right at the start of the Covid lockin. fark.
    I never watch a porn movie twice. Once soiled, they are no longer any good. imho.

  25. #50
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    you watch a whole movie ?

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