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  1. #1
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    crippen's Avatar
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    Qualifications 2009 in the U.K.

    Bus Passed: Boy Gets Award For Catching Ride

    12:48pm UK, Friday August 14, 2009
    Bob Denham, Sky News Online
    An exam board is offering a certificate for simply catching a bus - but the recipients insist the 20,000 scheme is worthwhile.


    Getting the bus? What do you want - a certificate?
    Bobby McHale, 15, from Bury, Greater Manchester, received the AQA 'qualification' for completing a three-week summer programme.
    Students of Bury Council's youth service are given the award for passing the Using Public Transport unit - which simply requires candidates to walk to a bus stop and get on a vehicle.
    But while both Bobby and his dad Andy described the certificate as "stupid", they stressed that the project is "fantastic value for money" and don't want it to be scrapped.
    How To Get The Bus Certificate
    1. walk to the local bus stop;
    2. stand or sit at the bus stop and wait for the arrival of a bus;
    3. enter the bus in a calm and safe manner;
    4. be directed to a downstairs seat by a member of staff;
    5. sit on the bus and observe through the windows;
    6. wait until the bus has stopped, stand on request and exit the bus.

    After paying 9 for a three-week bus pass - cheaper than it would otherwise be - students can take part in free activities such as archery and football and volunteer in community projects.
    The scheme serves 900 children in the area at a cost of 20,000 but, at just over 20 a child, it is valued in the community.
    Andy told Sky News Online: "Anyone who sees kids going on that scheme knows it's a good idea."
    Bobby, meanwhile, said he was "slightly embarrassed" by all the media attention.
    Perhaps it is no bad thing that the family are heading off on holiday - though it is unclear whether they will be taking the bus.
    This is how to spend taxes!

  2. #2
    The Pikey Hunter
    Gerbil's Avatar
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    Cool. Certificates for Window Lickers.

  3. #3
    The Pikey Hunter
    Gerbil's Avatar
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    A tricky one, making a cup of tea:

    AQA - Making a cup of tea
    1. Fill, plug in and switch on an automatic electric kettle.
    2. Put one tea bag in a cup.
    3. Wait until the kettle switches off.
    4. Pour hot water into the cup.
    5. Remove tea bag from cup with a spoon.
    6. Add milk.
    7. Put sugar into the cup as required.
    8. Stir the tea.


    http://store.aqa.org.uk/qual/uas/units/pdf/87313.PDF
    You, sir, are a God among men....
    Short Men, who aren't terribly bright....
    More like dwarves with learning disabilities....
    You are a God among Dwarves With Learning Disabilities.

  4. #4
    splendid and tremendous
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    Quote Originally Posted by crippen
    3. enter the bus in a calm and safe manner
    This is where alot of teenagers in the UK will come unstuck. Last time I was back there it seemed that they wanted to act like total pricks when they were on the bus, swearing and being disrespectful in the presence of the older folks on it etc. There should be a certificate in being able to 'not be a complete wanker for a few minutes' too.
    That's where the kids in Thailand have my respect. A hell of alot more respectful and polite compared to the wankers back home.

  5. #5
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    AQA - Making a cup of tea 1. Fill, plug in and switch on an automatic electric kettle. 2. Put one tea bag in a cup. 3. Wait until the kettle switches off. 4. Pour hot water into the cup. 5. Remove tea bag from cup with a spoon. 6. Add milk. 7. Put sugar into the cup as required. 8. Stir the tea.
    FAIL

    You forgot to add the option of putting the milk in before you add the water

  6. #6
    The Pikey Hunter
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    ^ what, let the tea bag soak in the milk? Are you insane?

  7. #7
    Banned Muadib's Avatar
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    Pitiful... Next thing you know they will be issuing certificates of excellence for wiping your arse after pinching a loaf...

  8. #8
    The Pikey Hunter
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muadib View Post
    Pitiful... Next thing you know they will be issuing certificates of excellence for wiping your arse after pinching a loaf...

    Funny you should mention that.......

    In successfully completing this unit the student will have

    demonstrated the ability to
    1. select items to keep him/herself clean;
    2. name six items used to keep him/herself clean;
    3. identify the function of six items used to keep him/herself clean;
    4. identify at least three items to be put in a toiletry bag when going on holiday;

    shown knowledge of
    5. how to keep him/herself clean;

    experienced
    6. taking part in a discussion about the importance of good personal hygiene ;
    7. taking part in a discussion about the care needed when using personal hygiene items, e.g. razors, deodorants.

    http://store.aqa.org.uk/qual/uas/units/pdf/LS8214.PDF


  9. #9
    loob lor geezer
    Bangyai's Avatar
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    Bollocks .... last week, with just a certificate for swimming 50 metres on my resume , I was too underqualified to get a decent job. Looks like now I'm over qualified . Ah well ..... a weeks a long time for the gamefully unemployed .

  10. #10
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    A lot different from when I was a brat !

    In London we had the old style double deck busses and the estate that I and a lot of my chums lived on was very near the crest of a steep hill.
    The Bus stop was about half a mile further on and if you stayed on the bus it was a long walk back !
    Solution ?
    We ( about 8 of us ) would be standing on the platform as the bus approached the crest - going a bit faster than running pace - and the driver changed down to first gear, as he crunched through the gears the speed would drop off to walking pace and we would all jump off!
    What I always remember was the conductor on the bus - I think he must have been a jumpmaster in the Paras- he would bar our way and watch the driver - as soon as he dipped the clutch he would yell Green Light !Go! Go! Go! and stand aside .

    Dont think that would go down too well in the present nanny state !





  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Gerbil
    AQA - Making a cup of tea 1. Fill, plug in and switch on an automatic electric kettle. 2. Put one tea bag in a cup. 3. Wait until the kettle switches off. 4. Pour hot water into the cup. 5. Remove tea bag from cup with a spoon. 6. Add milk. 7. Put sugar into the cup as required. 8. Stir the tea.
    FAIL

    You forgot to add the option of putting the milk in before you add the water
    Shame on you. how can a tea bag properly infuse unless it is submerged in boiling water?
    It would seem you would fail even the easist of qualifications.

  12. #12
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by crippen
    Students of Bury Council's youth service are given the award for passing the Using Public Transport unit - which simply requires candidates to walk to a bus stop and get on a vehicle.
    There you have it. The smart ones, those that pass, go to the bus stop and get on a bus. The failures just get on any vehicle.

  13. #13
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  14. #14
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    It comes from the US, in fact

    every time I have worked with US companies, and they have training schemes, they always give nice certificates to all attendees, even if they slept through the course

    even in Thailand you get a cert for attending a cooking course

    so why not for catching a bus, especially nowadays when queueing is a thing of the past
    I have reported your post

  15. #15
    The Pikey Hunter
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrAndy
    so why not for catching a bus, especially nowadays when queueing is a thing of the past
    Why not indeed?

    If you've gone to the trouble of trapping it properly by digging a big pit, camouflaging it and waiting for your prey to fall in, then tyou deserve a certificate for catching it, I'd say.

  16. #16
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    A certificate for catching the old style bus whilst moving might have been more plausible. The run, the leap, the grab for the white pole before swinging yourself to safety...


  17. #17
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    Route No 9
    Kensington/Albert Hall to Aldwych !!!

    Ours was 240 - Golders Green to Mill Hill Broadway !

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by crippen
    Students of Bury Council's youth service are given the award for passing the Using Public Transport unit - which simply requires candidates to walk to a bus stop and get on a vehicle.
    There you have it. The smart ones, those that pass, go to the bus stop and get on a bus. The failures just get on any vehicle.
    The failures steal a vehicle nowadays.

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