Thread: Is it wrong for adult males to play with children?

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Its long term that can cause problems.

Originally Posted by nidhogg

but the "friend of the family", adult in supervisor position is much more common. Grooming takes time, and its done through "shared" interests etc (which came back to the relationship point I made before).

This is something I'm interested in, nidhogg. In your opinion how would you know if a relationship were OK or were grooming?

Very true Chas but its all down to revelations about Scout Masters and Priests, the child molesters are in the minority but receive full publicity

Even 40 years ago there was inuendo about anybody who were involved with children

Funny even I in the mid 60s after someone told me that her son was going to a camp with a Priest plus others after he the Priest said he wanted her son to be at the camp

We all said Aye Aye

On Saturdays I take my girls out for a weekly fast food treat, each week more of their freinds would join in, the parents give me some money for their offsprings eats so I don't mind.
But on Saturday there is normally about 10 to 12 girls.
I get a big smile from the Thais but some concerned looks from the farangs, not much I can do about it, but as a parent its slightly off putting.

Farangs conditioned then

Originally Posted by TSR2

Farangs conditioned then

Suprised nobody has figured this out as of yet {I'm not really all that surprised}.

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Originally Posted by DrAndy

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Secondly, as far as I am aware, the "stranger" type molestation is very rare - but the "friend of the family", adult in supervisor position is much more common.

and?

and what?

I just thought you may have something to add as it did not make much sense

OK I used the word stranger and should have said anyone, esp family and friends, or even Mr Smith down the road, or your teacher or priest or

Originally Posted by Loy Toy

My second father, well he was my next door neighbour when I was a kid and I called him Uncle Ron is one of the kindest wonderful men I have ever known.

On school holidays he would take all the kids in the area out too the beach, take us fishing and generally was our guardian because all the other parents worked.

When I look back on those days I really appreciate as an adult and father what he done for my younger sister, all the other kids in the area and myself.

He was genuinely a incredibly kind and wonderful man around children and today unfortunately his actions may be perceived as being sinister which saddens me about how the world is today.

I was bought up in a similar situation. Unfortunatellt today's world sees this as a potential problem. I have always been apalled when I have heard about the abuse of a child by family or strangers. I have know answer to the mentality of anyone who abuses a child.

Originally Posted by Norton

Sad state of affairs when an insignificant number of sick fucks and an unrelenting media can bring a society to assume all males are potential pedophiles. Result, a sick "farang" society living in a constant state of fear. Pity the children who are raised in a society where any sort of male affection is denied. They will be missing an important part of what makes us human. __________________

Agree completely.

So, how do you know when a relationship is completely healthy and when it's not? Preferably before any trauma to the child?

Originally Posted by Loy Toy

Nothing wrong with getting a hug from your dad or male relative and I wish I could hug my dad right now.

God damn I do too, he has been dead for 20 years and I had only been sober for about 8 when he dies, but after he was paralyzed I did hug him and kiss him on the forehead when I had visited and was leaving again, I guess maybe he thought that he would be looked at if he showed much affection when he was raising me as a single parent father, so we always just shook hands until he had that stroke.
But I raised my daughter from 3 days old til just a week short of 6 when she went back to the states for school, and while I was raising her in the states she had friends over to spend the night, both girls and 2 boys that were being raised by single parent ladies and they would let the boys spend the night with us so they could go to a party of dance and everyone seemed to think it was alright.
I and my sister were molested by my step dads father when we were small during the war and had to stay with my mother
While I was roaming around the world as a mid teens kid I had full plans on killing that old bastard when i returned home, but by the time I did, he had already died without my help.

^^You can't. The way you frame this question is as symptomatic of the situation as Dug's OP on the other thread; difference is, he's an ass and you're just asking a reasonable question.

Originally Posted by November Rain

So, how do you know when a relationship is completely healthy and when it's not? Preferably before any trauma to the child?

You are the mother of a beautiful bright boy. I know, I played scissors, paper, rock with him on the beach one night.

Without making a great production of it let him know if anyone, male or female touches him in his privates he needs to tell you right away. Most important, if you see his behavior take a shift, query him on what's bothering him.

Originally Posted by JuniorExPat

I don't think you necessarily know unless the signals are absolutely blatant but we all have a gut instinct that many people often choose to either ignore or not trust as much as they should. An intelligent and well-intentioned adult will react sensitively to any worries raised by a parent or concerned adult, unlike the reaction Dug apparently received!

You sound like you've had a lot of experience in this area. How often have you ignored your gut or not trusted it as much as you should have? And given the meaning of that "as much as they should have", how many times has some form of abuse been the result of this ignoring of the gut? I mean, otherwise, what exactly are you talking about here?

Originally Posted by November Rain

Is it possible for an adult male to have an innocent, friendly interest in an unrelated child (trips to the beach, watching DVDs, walking etc) or would there be (in your opinions) always a more sinister motive?

is that really you rain?

Originally Posted by Norton

Without making a great production of it let him know if anyone, male or female touches him in his privates he needs to tell you right away. Most important, if you see his behavior take a shift, query him on what's bothering him.

These are "post-trauma" strategies; the interesting question was about pre-trauma insight.

Originally Posted by mao say dung

These are "post-trauma" strategies; the interesting question was about pre-trauma insight.

Interesting point but if caught early enough there may be no "trauma".

My first job in Thailand was at a Catholic school.

I live in teacher accomodation, with the English manager next door to my room.

A Filipino. A male, gay, Filipino.

I used to go to be quite late and get up early. Most evenings I would hear light tapping at the his door and kids giggling, then them being let in.

When I got up in the morning around 5am or so, the shoes were outside the door still. Sometimes one pair other times two.

I was fired from there for having a fling with the a female member of staff. Or that is what they said.

I didn't go quietly. I brought it up with the brothers as to why it was acceptable for a gay male teacher to allow young students to stop the night, particurarly as the students that did stay were always the camp on the road to being queens students.

The brothers knew nothing about this and questioned him. His answer ( I heard later) was that the students had no where to stay at night time.

This is the wealthiest school in the area where all the kids come from well to do families and they had nowhere to stay.

Needless to say, I still got sacked and he was still allowed to stay there, but not have kids in his room anymore.

Originally Posted by Norton

Without making a great production of it let him know if anyone, male or female touches him in his privates he needs to tell you right away. Most important, if you see his behavior take a shift, query him on what's bothering him.

yes, that is it - listen to your kids. Often parents will dismiss any stuff from their kids as it embarrasses them or for whatever reason

Originally Posted by ChiangMai noon

is that really you rain?

nignog

Originally Posted by Norton

Originally Posted by mao say dung

These are "post-trauma" strategies; the interesting question was about pre-trauma insight.

Interesting point but if caught early enough there may be no "trauma".

You appear to be suggesting that a little abuse may not be traumatic; I tend to agree, but I can think of at least one Thai-related forum that would likely ban you instantly for suggesting such a thing!

I find the OP and its question interesting because basically it is its own answer, and the answer is no, not if the question "needs" to be asked in such terms.

Originally Posted by mao say dung

Originally Posted by JuniorExPat

I don't think you necessarily know unless the signals are absolutely blatant but we all have a gut instinct that many people often choose to either ignore or not trust as much as they should. An intelligent and well-intentioned adult will react sensitively to any worries raised by a parent or concerned adult, unlike the reaction Dug apparently received!

You sound like you've had a lot of experience in this area. How often have you ignored your gut or not trusted it as much as you should have? And given the meaning of that "as much as they should have", how many times has some form of abuse been the result of this ignoring of the gut? I mean, otherwise, what exactly are you talking about here?

Wow, you seem to have a talent for pessimism.

My comments are based on experience of paying attention to my instincts.

Maybe I was being a little oblique, my intention was to suggest that if you sense something is wrong then act on that feeling in a way that will protect the child but not cause an unnecessary incident if you happen to have misread the situation, don't wait for concrete evidence.


JxP

Does he need a C.R.B. every year??? He does in the U.K.

Originally Posted by mao say dung

You appear to be suggesting that a little abuse may not be traumatic

it may not be for some kids, for others it may be

difficult to tell in advance

better have no abuse at all