Not If You Paid Us, Say Gurkhas

[jandajoy]

NOT IF YOU PAID US, SAY GURKHAS
VICTORIOUS Gurkhas last night said they wouldn't live in Britain if you paid them, insisting they really just wanted to prove a point.

Welcome, tiny soldiers

As the government pandered shamelessly to 15,000 of the tiny mountain warriors, they admitted that, to them, Britain was a vast, open sewer filled with bloated turds, but it was the principle of the thing.

A Gurkha spokesman said: "I think we can all now agree that if you ask a man to risk his life while hacking off the heads of your enemies for you, then you should at least be willing to live in the same country as him.

"Now that we've established that, let me be the first to say that Britain is a crumbling, high-tax nightmare filled with fat, lazy cretins who wouldn't know culture if it vomitted all over them at 11.30 on a Friday night after eight pints of that piss water you call beer."

He added: "I'd rather live in a box of pins."

Emma Bradford, a newspaper reader from Doncaster, said: "I've never had a problem with them all moving here, what with them being so tiny. But I did keep asking myself, 'who in the name of Christ would want to?'"

In the wake of the victory, Gurkha chieftan Joanna Lumley was briefly the most popular woman in British history before ruining it all by saying something nice about Gordon Brown.

Tom Logan, an interested party from Hatfield, said: "I was very impressed by her passionate, no-nonsense approach and the way she dealt with both MPs and the media, to the extent that I would have proclaimed her my warrior queen and died for her in battle.

"But then she said something nice about Gordon Brown so she can fuck off."

Meanwhile thousands of British men in their 40s have added Ms Lumley shouting ferocious Ghurkha slogans to their list of things that should work just fine, thank you very much.


NOT IF YOU PAID US, SAY GURKHAS - The Daily Mash

[withnallstoke]

Bloody handy for the little chaps staffing the British embassy in Bangers. Just nip inside, fill out a form and get a British passport, then stay in Thailand on a tourist visa(couldn't get a work permit because a Thai could be a security guard). Expect to see a small Japanese/Indian looking chap on a visa run with you in the very near future.

[jandajoy]

OIC Ghurkhas.

General Lumley.



posh bird and all round good egg.

[Thai Pom]

that Britain is a crumbling, high-tax nightmare filled with fat, lazy cretins who wouldn't know culture if it vomitted all over them at 11.30 on a Friday night after eight pints of that piss water you call beer."

That just about sums it up!

OIC Ghurkhas. General Lumley

Great Idea

[jandajoy]

She's lovely.

[Redrum]

I think we can all now agree that if you ask a man to risk his life while hacking off the heads of your enemies for you, then you should at least be willing to live in the same country as him

Not really.

This sentimental mush about the bravery of these men loses sight of the fact they were never offered anything other than money to kill people in the first place.

And they took it.

Fucking mercenaries, all of them.

I don't want one anywhere near me.

As for Lumley, Tom Logan sums it up nicely.

she can fuck off

[DrAndy]

Lots in Malaysia working as bodyguards

Joanna Lumpfish is old and haggard

[Thai Pom]

Fucking mercenaries, all of them

Does that include all soldiers then??

[jandajoy]

Joanna Lumpfish is old and haggard

We all get old Doc.

[Redrum]

Does that include all soldiers then??

No. Some soldiers have an interest in protecting their country, because they & their families live in it, or whatever.

This lot did it for the cash.

[jandajoy]

No. Some soldiers have an interest in protecting their country, because they & their families live in it, or whatever. This lot did it for the cash.

Have you ever met a Gurkha? Had a bit of a chat and so on?

[Redrum]

I don't do Gooks.

[TSR2]

They the Gurkhas are mercenaries full stop.took the Queens shilling,

Whilst they are good soldiers they are not UK regulars

Buck Teeth looking resurrect her popularity,

Emotional Crap

[Thai Pom]

Have you ever met a Gurkha? Had a bit of a chat and so on?

I would like to see anyone tell a Gurkha that he was a mercenary.....

[Redrum]

I'd happily tell him he was a Gook cnut & to fuck off home.

[chassamui]

I don't want one anywhere near me.

If they were not such fervent loyalist to this country and it's people, i suspect you would need to wear your balaclava full time.

[TSR2]

I would like to see anyone tell a Gurkha that he was a mercenary.....

Only with a gun at his head,

Not valid point don,t ya think!

[DrAndy]

I'd happily tell him he was a Gook cnut & to fuck off home.

Good, I will set up a meeting for you

as for "gooks", I thought that was a term applied to the Vietcong

[chassamui]

Whilst they are good soldiers they are not UK regulars

The only thing irregular about them, is the way they have been treated by this government.
Having lived and worked with them, i know whose corner i would rather be in.

[TSR2]

Having lived and worked with them, i know whose corner i would rather be in.

Very true Chas but they are still not regulars

[Thai Pom]

worked with them, i know whose corner i would rather be in

Me too and me too!!

[jandajoy]

I worked, occasionally, with them and had nothing but respect, bordering on awe for their committment and dedication. Another mob that I worked alongside occassionally, had total respect and admiration for them. Mercenaries or not, the dedication and committment they've demonstrated over so many years deserves fair treatment.

I congratulate them on their dubious achievement.

[TSR2]

Gurkha Joke

A bitish patrol was shot at by Gurkha from a hilltop

Captain orders a man to investigate

Bang!!

Catptain sends two men to investigate

Bang Bang

Captain sends three men

Bang Bang

The third man shouts at the Captain

ITS A TRAP THERE.S TWO OF THEM

[Redrum]

Romantic notions of Victoria Crosses & tales of machine-gun nest charging Gooks have got nothing to do with the fact they were paid to do a job & nothing else. That job was killing people. What kind of person picks a career killing people is another matter. As for commitment & dedication, that's partly what employers pay you for. They are only loyal & patriotic about this country because they've been trained to be.

Mindless mercenaries, that's all they are.

[Happyman]

Have you ever met a Gurkha? Had a bit of a chat and so on?

Yes! Had several hundred based in the same village in Cyprus on R & R after the Falklands

Far nicer than the Brit squaddies !