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  1. #1
    Thailand Expat
    Moonraker's Avatar
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    What kind of pirate would you be.

    So I am sat here at work bored senseless, doing the same old thing that I was doing last year which just happens to be the same old thing that I'll likely be doing next year.

    Sod that, I want to be a pirate. I think I'd be a good pirate, as in good hearted but a tad cheeky. I'd deliberately wind up authority figures, just for the sake of it. I'd have a monkey, not a parrot but a monkey. I'm not sure about the rum bit, I think I'd be more of an ale drinking pirate. I'd definitely be a clean shaven pirate because beards get itchy and look stupid. Also no eye patches, after all I have two perfectly good eyes.

    I'm bored, humour me.

  2. #2
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    I want to be a swashbuckling, three legged pirate with an all female crew

  3. #3
    Sprayed On Member
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    I'm liking the all female crew idea!

  4. #4
    Dislocated Member

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    Pirate goes into a bar and the landord say 'I haven't seen you in years'

    Arrrh' he says ' I've been sailing the 7 seas in search of buried treasure'

    Oh ' the landord say 'well you've certainly changed, I see you've got a wooden leg'

    AAaaarh' he says 'we were in a sea battle with a spanish galleon and a cannonball blew my leg clean off'

    oh' and I see you've lost one of your hands there and you've got a hook'

    Aaaaaaaarh he says 'I was in a cutlass fight with some Jamacian bandits and had my hand chopped right off, so I had this hook put on'

    so what about the eye, I see you're wearing a patch'

    Aaaaaaaaaaarh he says, I was checking our heading, and as I looked up in the sky a seagul shit right in my eye'

    but surely that wouldn't make you lose you eye' says the landlord.

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarh but, he says ' it was my first day with the hook'


    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarh aaaaaaaaaarh aaaaaaaaarh me hearty. .

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
    Moonraker's Avatar
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    Why are pirates called pirates?

    Because they just arrrrgggghhhh.

  6. #6
    ding ding ding
    Spin's Avatar
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    I'd like to be a copyright pirate, mostly working with porno DVDs.

  7. #7
    RIP
    blackgang's Avatar
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    I am going with Thetyim and I will only be a white pirate. to many black ones now in somalia and they be giving us swashbuckler Errol Flynn types a bad name. coarse I hear he did have a thing for 17 year old ladies.

  8. #8
    Sprayed On Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackgang
    I am going with Thetyim
    You cant unless there's something your not telling us bg. He's taking a female only crew.

  9. #9
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    ^ he might be able to take BGs leg though

  10. #10
    Sprayed On Member
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    A young man is captured by pirates and is persuaded to join the crew rather than walk the plank. After a few weeks at sea the captain speaks to the man and asks him how he is getting on. The man replies that on the whole he is enjoying things - the rum-soaked drinking binges, the plundering, etc - but there was one thing missing.

    "What's that?" asks the captain.
    "Well, there are no women" replies the man.

    "Arrr" says the captain "Follow me!" The man follows the captain to what appears to be a barrel, on top of the barrel stands a coconut with a face drawn on and a few strands of wispy straw for hair. On the barrel is a crude outline of a woman's body and between the legs is a bung hole. "We calls her Carmen," says the captain, "and you may take her as you will". The man explains that he was unlikely to make use of her and goes on his way.

    However, as the months go by with no respite, Carmen appears more and more attractive to the young man. Finally he can resist her no longer and the man has his wicked way with Carmen the rum barrel. To his amazement the experience is far more satisfying than he could ever have imagined!

    The next day the captain greets him again. "How did you get on with Carmen then, lad?" he asks eagerly. The man replies "Rather better than I thought... actually, it was rather good!"

    "Good," says the captain, a great beaming smile splitting his black-bearded face. "It's your turn in the barrel tomorrow!"

  11. #11
    Dislocated Member

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    LOL! Out of greens.

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat

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    A British MP, AARRHH JIM LAD

  13. #13
    RIP
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Fresh Prince
    You cant unless there's something your not telling us bg. He's taking a female only crew
    Can't do that, got to have a cook for Christs sakes,, women are not qualified for cooking good food, fuck it, ya want to eat that shit might as well stay ashore.

  14. #14
    The Dentist English Noodles's Avatar
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    I think blackgang would be a poop pipe pirate.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by English Noodles
    think blackgang would be a poop pipe pirate.
    Maybe a BRIGAND, MOUNT THE MAIN MAST!!

  16. #16
    How Dare You!!
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    Seaman Staines, Master Bates or Roger the Cabin Boy


  17. #17
    RIP
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    The Cabin Boy, The Cabin Boy
    The Bloody little nipper
    We lined his ass with broken glass
    And circumsized the skipper

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat nedwalk's Avatar
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    twas on the good ship 'venus' by christ you should have seen us..

    i,d be cvnt of a pirate

  19. #19
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
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    I'd have a happy crew, we'd all wear tights and have moustaches and hold hands and stuff.

  20. #20
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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    The SS Scampy Movie


  21. #21
    RIP
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    TWO YEARS BEFORE THE MAST...



    or
    24 months on a Greek Vasoline tanker...55555

  22. #22
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    I'd be a modern pirate: Politician or Corporate CEO or Lawyer or Monarch.

  23. #23
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    ^ What do these modern pirates look like?

    I'd be a female, maverick pirate. Something like that.


  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thetyim View Post
    The SS Scampy Movie

    He's going a little limp.

  25. #25
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ Joking ain't yer. That's me with a steaming hardon at best.

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