Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 53
  1. #1
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    03-01-2017 @ 04:09 PM
    Location
    もうがまんできない!
    Posts
    9,754

    Post Scampy's UK Diary

    Well, London has lots of people and they all walk about and stuff. Actually, apart from LHR which stands for London Heathrow and Victoria Station I have only seen Nandos restaurant in Clapham, The Establishment, Natwest bank and the inside of my baby brothers poncy 5 floor townhouse.

    Jamie Oliver has a shop near here which is painted pink, and it sells poncy shit for pooves and their kitchens, basically all it sells is sundried tomatoes and those cunty wooden spatulas with the pegs on which are designed for the sole purpose of lifting spaghetti out of a pot, I bet my brother has one. All the stuff is packaged in thin brown cardboard with some twatty Jamie Oliver slogan, sorry..'Sthlogan' on the side of it in a darker brown in that insipid, Bodyshop-esque, wanky, self-serving faux environmentally friendly packaging that has been all the rage for the past decade.

    I must have walked up and down the high street five or six times, taking in the cool air and wondering why I wasn't cold in my T-shirt and light jacket when many people were wrapped up proper. I suppose I adapt super quick, always have. An attractive woman standing on the street accosted me with a clipboard and asked me if I could spare a short amount of time - for a second there was activity in my loins but I soon realized she was not a prostitute and told her that I had no income and had only just arrived from a far away place but would be happy to chat about other things. She was polite and friendly and said 'no problem' and she called me 'sir'! ..Can you believe that shit! 'Sir' in a British.. (well, Eastenders) accent - it's so friendly here!

    I went to Natwest to get some money out and the mixed race staff were friendly, sincere and knew what they were doing and the service was good, excellent in fact. I wanted to take some money out of my account because I could only get a hundred quid with my Thai ATM which, in London, is about enough for a Happy Meal these days. Anyway, turns out my account has been dormant since 2004 and that I am 21p overdrawn but if I can wait a week they will re-activate my account and send a new card to a woman in Amersham who's spare room I used to rent, which is the only address they have for me.

    I went to Carphone Warehouse and nothing has changed there, they are all the same, all trying to sell you their wares after all these years. The founder should have the decency to retire and let someone else have a go, but they have to carry on and on these coporate types, never know when to stop.

    I went to a pub and I liked the smell, it was strange seeing those brass things on the bar with the holes in again. I ordered a pint of Greene King IPA as it was the cheapest and I expected it to be about 8 quid but it was only 2 pound 20 which wasn't to bad. The barmaid was from Poland, maybe the Ukraine.

    I looked out of the window and saw lots of people, all walking about and talking on their i-phones and getting on the nice red buses or going into Debenhams... I saw a man who looked like father Christmas dressed as a Beefeater standing outside Debenhams like a plum, and I wanted to talk to him, ask him if he had a home to go to.

    The most exciting thing about Clapham and London in general is all the black people, the women really. Black people are great and black women give the best head so I was very excited and I wanted to talk to all of them, I was like a kid in a wog shop. Speaking of shops, I went to a newsagent and bought the latest issue of Empire Magazine edited by Steven Spielberg himself, and it worked out at 200 baht, more than half the price it costs at Bookazine, Asia Books or Kinokiwhatsit.

    I had lunch with my sister in law and we had peri peri chicken in a pitta bread thing which was alright, then I went back to their fancy townhouse. I couldn't figure out the key but the maid let me in and she's from Poland, maybe the Ukraine... Like most people in whatever country and whatever nationality; a while after eating a meal, a poo comes out of my bottom. In the UK they don't have bogside water guns like what we do in Thailand, they have paper. I feel dirty after wiping and worried about skidmarks so a shallow bath is needed after each sit down toilet visit.

    Did fuck all for the rest of the day until me bro got home from work and we went out for dinner. I insisted on paying my own way at The Establishment so I had no starter, no sides, no creme brulee - just the cheapest dish on the menu which was house macaroni cheese and a glass of tap water. I gave in to one pint of Heiniken and the whole lot came to about a tenner, which is an expensive meal, I have NEVER spent ten quid on a meal. That said, I have spent at least 500 baht on a meal in Bangkok and 500 baht is the same as a tenner so what the fuck is all that about?

    My brother is five years younger than me and annoyingly handsome and rich, but then again he's also married and I'm not, and I live in a modest pad but it's in Thailand so who's the cnut?
    Last edited by The Gentleman Scamp; 15-05-2009 at 12:34 PM.
    "I'm an outsider by choice, but not truly. It's the unpleasantness of the system that keeps me out. I'd rather be in, in a good system. That's where my discontent comes from: being forced to choose to stay outside.
    My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place."

    George Carlin

  2. #2
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    Today @ 06:20 AM
    Location
    Reality.
    Posts
    28,699
    so who's the cnut?
    You?
    My brother is five years younger than me and annoyingly handsome and rich and he's also married and I'm not, and I live in a shithole in Thailand so who's the cnut?
    Sounds like sour grapes there mate. What does you brother do?
    And where's the video?

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
    Thai Pom's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Last Online
    14-12-2019 @ 04:26 PM
    Location
    Back in BKK
    Posts
    1,856
    Scampy , Keep it coming, look forward to reading more from you on your trip....

  4. #4

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,774
    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    My brother is five years younger than me and annoyingly handsome and rich, but then again he's also married and I'm not, and I live in a modest pad but it's in Thailand so who's the cnut?
    This is a trick question isn't it? Your hoping we say your brother? Well I aint falling for that one scumpy

  5. #5
    I am in Jail

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Last Online
    15-09-2009 @ 09:21 PM
    Posts
    242
    nice thread, scamp. keep it up. and maybe a pic or two.

  6. #6
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    03-01-2017 @ 04:09 PM
    Location
    もうがまんできない!
    Posts
    9,754
    "Hmm, which paragraph should I copy and paste?" ..Oh look, no effort needed - he's handed it to us in the last line.

    Quote Originally Posted by Dirtydog
    Your hoping we say your brother? Well I aint falling for that one scumpy
    You just did.

    My brother works hard and has remained focused married a wealthy girl and has earned what he owns... (well, half of it) - It proves my theory that you can have a good life in England, providing you can afford a decent lifestyle.

    Everybody wants what they haven't got, I suppose we envy each other on certain levels but despite our differences we get along like a house on fire, at least he ain't religious like the one in HK.

    Seeing my other brother tonight and the three of us will be re-united for the first time since 2006. We get closer as we get older, and I'd prefer to talk in my usual silly form about my observations in Britain because that's your business, my family is mine.

    Okay, so I'm in one of the spare rooms with the window agar and it's cold but in a nice way.. I don't need no air con, I don't need a fan, hey presto! I just open the window!

    I could murder a fry up, i'll offer to make one.

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat jandajoy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Last Online
    02-11-2016 @ 08:50 AM
    Posts
    19,599
    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    We get closer as we get older
    Very true. Same same for me and my 2 brothers.

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat jandajoy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Last Online
    02-11-2016 @ 08:50 AM
    Posts
    19,599
    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    I could murder a fry up, I'll offer to make one.
    Will you buy the ingredients ?

  9. #9
    On a walkabout
    Loy Toy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Last Online
    09-12-2019 @ 06:59 AM
    Posts
    28,682
    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    a while after eating a meal, a poo comes out of my bottom.
    I love your writing style Scampy!

    Should change your nic too Mr. Poo for this thread only!

    Over for the wedding and "that" video mate?

    Hope all goes well for you and your updates (including pics) are eagerly awaited.

  10. #10
    This is not my avatar
    NickA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    11,204
    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    It proves my theory that you can have a good life in England, providing you can afford a decent lifestyle.
    Don't forget, you've come back during one of the nicest parts of the year. You've managed to miss out on the winter.

    But, yes, if you can spend the winter abroad then you can have a decent lifestyle in England. I'm working on it.

  11. #11
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    03-01-2017 @ 04:09 PM
    Location
    もうがまんできない!
    Posts
    9,754
    Quote Originally Posted by NickA
    if you can spend the winter abroad then you can have a decent lifestyle in England. I'm working on it.
    Touch call really, rough it for a low wage in Thailand - (unless you've been posted out there by a company or are retired) or stay here and make as much as you like with only the tax man taking his piece of the pie.

    Quote Originally Posted by Loy Toy
    Over for the wedding and "that" video mate?
    Just met the couple, I remember them from my bro's wedding but theirs is in August and they understand that uncle and aunties 50th takes priority.

    It's a bit nippy actually, I need to find a charity shop or something and get a nice V-neck.

  12. #12
    RIP
    Happyman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Last Online
    31-01-2011 @ 09:29 PM
    Location
    Rawai Phuket
    Posts
    6,010
    Quote Originally Posted by jandajoy
    Quote: Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp We get closer as we get older
    That seems to be so true!
    Didn't see or contact my elder brother for years after I left UK in 1964 !
    Met up with him at Dads funeral 25 years later ! Got on great !
    From then on used to stop with him on my flying 2 day visits to UK ( back there for work).
    We are both retired now and he has leased a house for 5 years here in Thailand and spends 6 months a year living just down the road !!

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat jandajoy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Last Online
    02-11-2016 @ 08:50 AM
    Posts
    19,599
    ^good init.

  14. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Last Online
    10-09-2009 @ 02:28 AM
    Posts
    891
    ^ Not always. When me and my brother were kids he was 4 yrs older than me so 4 yrs bigger and stronger too which was not great because he could be a vicious bastard. I waited for the day that I got big enough to give him a beating and now that I am we are too much on friendly terms to have a fight.

  15. #15
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    03-01-2017 @ 04:09 PM
    Location
    もうがまんできない!
    Posts
    9,754
    The sun just came out!

    You know what the best thing is about being in the UK?

    I only need a shower once a day.

  16. #16

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,774
    Wont end up with so much towel lint on your knob showering once perday scumpy, you could get lucky and pull a slagdog

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat
    gusG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Last Online
    11-12-2019 @ 10:45 AM
    Location
    Koh Samui
    Posts
    1,210
    How are the armholes going?

  18. #18
    Member
    The Zapster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Last Online
    13-01-2010 @ 06:18 AM
    Posts
    155
    It's a bit nippy actually, I need to find a charity shop or something and get a nice V-neck.
    A bit nippy? It's fucking freezing.

  19. #19

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,774
    You can check out how cold scumpy is here.

  20. #20
    The cold, wet one
    November Rain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Last Online
    31-03-2015 @ 03:06 PM
    Location
    In my happy place
    Posts
    12,214
    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    I wanted to take some money out of my account because I could only get a hundred quid with my Thai ATM which, in London, is about enough for a Happy Meal these days. Anyway, turns out my account has been dormant since 2004 and that I am 21p overdrawn
    And exactly how much were you hoping to withdraw???

    Nice thread, Scampster.

  21. #21
    たのむよ。
    The Gentleman Scamp's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Last Online
    03-01-2017 @ 04:09 PM
    Location
    もうがまんできない!
    Posts
    9,754

  22. #22

    R.I.P.


    dirtydog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Pattaya Jomtien
    Posts
    58,774
    ^Whose that then scumpy? Someone famous?

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    60,017
    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    The most exciting thing about Clapham and London in general is all the black people, ..........blah blah.........Black people are great and ......... give the best head so I was very excited and I wanted to talk to all of them,
    I dont disbelieve you.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    I insisted on paying my own way at The Establishment so I had no starter, no sides, no creme brulee - just the cheapest dish on the menu which was house macaroni cheese and a glass of tap water.
    some things never change, do they?

    Quote Originally Posted by The Gentleman Scamp
    You know what the best thing is about being in the UK? I only need a shower once a day.
    soon you'll only be needing one, once a month.....

  24. #24
    Sprayed On Member
    The Fresh Prince's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Not in the willage
    Posts
    11,683
    ^^^Is he a vandal?

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat
    taxexile's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    15,703
    oxfam blazer, how much?

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •