The 'Up To You' Culture

**chassamui** · 07-03-2009, 10:22 PM

Having said in another thread that I prefer the Thai ‘up to you’ culture, rather than the nanny state in UK, I find myself eating my own words now. In conversations with the gf, it always crops up.

Me: Do you want to go out tonight?
GF: Up to you’
Me: what do you fancy doing this weekend?
GF: Up to you
Me: We need to find a long term house rental. Where would you prefer to live?
GF: Up to you
Me: Should i buy a second hand car, a pick up or a bike. What do you think?
GF: Up to you

Is it Thai thing? They don’t want to make decisions? Or is it a woman thing, my ex was a bloody nightmare at making decisions, (She was Libran though)

Do they think I will come back and blame them if they contribute to a decision? Do they want exclusive rights to blame me when things go wrong, because I have to make all the choices? Maybe it’s like I read somewhere else, they are just plain lazy?

Anyone throw any light on it?

**barbaro** · 07-03-2009, 10:37 PM

First of all, the "nanny state" is a reference to governmental intrusion into citizens lives.

"up to you," is about personal relationships regarding decision making.

Please make note and differentiate.

**filch** · 07-03-2009, 10:40 PM

Originally Posted by Milkman

First of all, the "nanny state" is a reference to governmental intrusion into citizens lives.

"up to you," is about personal relationships regarding decision making.

Please make note and differentiate.

What he said!

P.S. Get a gf that has a brain!

**chassamui** · 07-03-2009, 10:45 PM

Originally Posted by filch

Originally Posted by Milkman

First of all, the "nanny state" is a reference to governmental intrusion into citizens lives.

"up to you," is about personal relationships regarding decision making.

Please make note and differentiate.

What he said!

P.S. Get a gf that has a brain!

Bollocking accepted. I used up to you as a Thai metaphor for freedom of choice. I accept this was incorrect and will lash my self later as a punishment.

If i wanted a GF with a brain i would have not divorced the last one. I prefer compliant, to argumentative smart arse women like PB

Care to have a stab at answering the thread now?

**Thetyim** · 07-03-2009, 10:50 PM

Being married to a thai is like a pantomime horse act.

You are in the front and leading the way but the hind legs are pointing the head in the right direction.

**Boon Mee** · 07-03-2009, 11:11 PM

Originally Posted by Thetyim

Being married to a thai is like a pantomime horse act.

You are in the front and leading the way but the hind legs are pointing the head in the right direction.

That's a good analogy, Thetyim. Having been married to a Thai for >28 years now, the fun never stops!. Tham jai khun = up to you and it does have several interpretations for the farang & the Thai. Generally, if the Thai does not have strong feelings one way or another about a subject she will say "up to you" and it's not meant in a disrespective tone.

The thing about the Thai culture and Farang is there's more freedom of choice in Thailand than in Farangland - generally more personal freedoms too. Many moons ago when I brought my wife to the states for an extended visit she remarked after being there for a while: "What's this sh*t about Land of the Free & Home of the Brave anyhow?" "I get this Home of the Brave but this place certainly isn't the Land of the Free"

Couldn't agree with her more...

**filch** · 07-03-2009, 11:45 PM

Originally Posted by chassamui

Originally Posted by filch

Originally Posted by Milkman

First of all, the "nanny state" is a reference to governmental intrusion into citizens lives.

"up to you," is about personal relationships regarding decision making.

Please make note and differentiate.

What he said!

P.S. Get a gf that has a brain!

Bollocking accepted. I used up to you as a Thai metaphor for freedom of choice. I accept this was incorrect and will lash my self later as a punishment.

If i wanted a GF with a brain i would have not divorced the last one. I prefer compliant, to argumentative smart arse women like PB

Care to have a stab at answering the thread now?

If the advice posted so far hasn't given you any idea, then I feel you're going to be disappointed.

I think you have to choose what you want. Dominant woman, woman with a brain, someone who adds value to your life or a subservient woman.

The choice is yours here in what was 'LOS'.

**chassamui** · 07-03-2009, 11:51 PM

Originally Posted by Boon Mee

Originally Posted by Thetyim

Being married to a thai is like a pantomime horse act.

You are in the front and leading the way but the hind legs are pointing the head in the right direction.

That's a good analogy, Thetyim. Having been married to a Thai for >28 years now, the fun never stops!. Tham jai khun = up to you and it does have several interpretations for the farang & the Thai. Generally, if the Thai does not have strong feelings one way or another about a subject she will say "up to you" and it's not meant in a disrespective tone.

The thing about the Thai culture and Farang is there's more freedom of choice in Thailand than in Farangland - generally more personal freedoms too. Many moons ago when I brought my wife to the states for an extended visit she remarked after being there for a while: "What's this sh*t about Land of the Free & Home of the Brave anyhow?" "I get this Home of the Brave but this place certainly isn't the Land of the Free"

Couldn't agree with her more...

A very helpful post BM. I had a real problem with her lack of interest in where we would live, and the choice of house/condo/flat, especially as she would be most affected as she works and i am retired. I wanted to make her feel she was an equal partner when it came to making these kind of decisions. She just said to me that i am the man so i decide. Thai female thing i guiess.
It's the personal freedoms that pushed my decision to emigrate anyway.
Thanks

**EmperorTud** · 08-03-2009, 12:24 AM

Originally Posted by filch

I think you have to choose what you want. Dominant woman, woman with a brain, someone who adds value to your life or a subservient woman. The choice is yours here in what was 'LOS'.

But only from a pool that have been rejected by the indigenous population.

**dirtydog** · 08-03-2009, 12:58 AM

Originally Posted by chassamui

I wanted to make her feel she was an equal partner when it came to making these kind of decisions.

Why would you want to try and change their culture and the way they have been brought up?

**NickA** · 08-03-2009, 01:29 AM

Originally Posted by EmperorTud

But only from a pool that have been rejected by the indigenous population.

**EmperorTud** · 08-03-2009, 01:51 AM

^ looks skateable.

**chassamui** · 08-03-2009, 02:07 AM

Originally Posted by dirtydog

Originally Posted by chassamui

I wanted to make her feel she was an equal partner when it came to making these kind of decisions.

Why would you want to try and change their culture and the way they have been brought up?

Point taken DD. Dumb farang still learning.

**Sir Burr** · 08-03-2009, 02:35 AM

You've got two choices.
You can either let the "up to you" drive you crazy, or, dive in head first and make all the decisions. If she doesn't like one of your choices, then tell her that she should either say something, or, shut up.

**hillbilly** · 08-03-2009, 02:58 AM

Originally Posted by Thetyim

Being married to a thai is like a pantomime horse act.

You are in the front and leading the way but the hind legs are pointing the head in the right direction.

So true!

Best advice thus far!

The Thais even have a saying about this. Damned if I can remember now, but something about elephants.

**Marmite the Dog** · 08-03-2009, 08:40 AM

The Midget doesn't do the 'Up to you' shit, thank goodness.

But, previous gfs have. It's just the woman thing of giving themselves over to their man to look after them and look out for them apparently. Just sounds like lazyness to me.

Bones · 08-03-2009, 09:23 AM

I don't know what you are complaining about. I agree with her. the women's place is just to agree with the man, and act all feminine. girls in the west used to be that way once too. until they burn't their bras in the 70's and started to look and act like blokes

**The Gentleman Scamp** · 08-03-2009, 09:52 AM

Ask her if she fancies spicing up the sex life by going to Angel Witch bar in Nana and taking home a brass for the night.

**AnthonyR1** · 08-03-2009, 10:34 AM

don't try too hard to change the "up to you" thing dude. i fought it for years now i have created an ultra opinionated GF! has WAAAAY too much input on decisions now

**Begbie** · 08-03-2009, 11:21 AM

Originally Posted by Sir Burr

You've got two choices.
You can either let the "up to you" drive you crazy, or, dive in head first and make all the decisions. If she doesn't like one of your choices, then tell her that she should either say something, or, shut up.

This is the bane of my life. Where do you want to eat? .. "up to you"...ok lets go to such and such...."no I don't want to go there". Actually I've grown so used to it that I won't start the ignition until we agree on a destination, though sometimes I forget.

A cultural trait.

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