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  1. #1
    anonymous ant
    tsicar's Avatar
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    my ex wife turned into a tree!

    i have never been a religious person, and have always laughed at the silly superstitions and beliefs that accompany many religious beliefs, but since my ex croaked, i started to kinda like the idea of this reincarnation thing, and when i got back to the village, crouching on the crapper in her parents' home after my first issaan meal, i noticed this large cockroach crawling up the wall.......
    it kinda stopped at eye level, looked at me and waved its antennae at me in a rather insolent and crude way. i was immediately reminded of my ex, and as i slowly seperated "her" legs from "her" body, laughing crazily, i thought:" hey, this buddist thing isn't so bad after all- you can get even with people even ater they have croaked!"
    after slowly heating its abdomen with my lighter until it burst, i felt really satisfied with myself, the burned fingertips were but a small price to pay for the pleasure i had gotten from this important act of revenge......
    next morning my bubble burst:
    grandma dragged my kids around the back of the house, and explained to them that their mother had come back as a tree! she knelt in front of it, speaking softly, and spread some rice and some water around for "her" to eat and drink.
    every morning she repeats the ritual, speaking softly to the tree for twenty or so minutes.
    it is a shit-ugly tree, and after the old bat leaves, the chickens come and steal all the rice, and then it is my turn to go and liberally soak the roots and scrawny trunk in urine, and slowly, very painfully pull a few leaves off of the bitch.
    how the hell did she pull it off? i really had my heart set on her returning as a cockroach.....
    can anybody who knows a bit about reincarnation please throw some light on the subject: is it really possible to be reincarnated as a tree, or are they just trying to keep me away from the cockroaches, for fear of me getting even with the right one?

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
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    I take it that you didn't like your wife much?

  3. #3
    Cacoethes scribendi
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    What sort of tree, tsicar? I have heard talk of an Asian myth that deals with trees as part of the reincarnation process. Maybe I can do some research for you, If you like?

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat
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    A monk said that my mother was dog, which I found strange. I never knew he'd met her.

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat Texpat's Avatar
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    Not sure what kind of tree your deceased wife is tsicar, but if it bears fruit, don't be tempted.

  6. #6
    Member Bubba's Avatar
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    ^ some ecstacy and a few lines of coke should help you get in the mood as well.


  7. #7
    Have you got any cheese Thetyim's Avatar
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  8. #8
    The cold, wet one
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    Can't green you, Thetters, but that's an excellent one.

  9. #9
    Member MrBoJangles's Avatar
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    How did she die? Did somebody 'shoot' her and put her in the 'trunk'? I think it best to just 'leaf' her alone now.

  10. #10
    anonymous ant
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    Quote Originally Posted by MeMock View Post
    I take it that you didn't like your wife much?
    so, you figured it out, too!
    didn't think it was that obvious
    cheers

  11. #11
    anonymous ant
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    Quote Originally Posted by Texpat View Post
    Not sure what kind of tree your deceased wife is tsicar, but if it bears fruit, don't be tempted.
    naa, even if i might have been tempted before, i know it would be toxic after i pissed on it!
    cheers

  12. #12
    anonymous ant
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmite the Dog View Post
    A monk said that my mother was dog, which I found strange. I never knew he'd met her.

  13. #13
    anonymous ant
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    Quote Originally Posted by Loombucket View Post
    What sort of tree, tsicar? I have heard talk of an Asian myth that deals with trees as part of the reincarnation process. Maybe I can do some research for you, If you like?
    it is one of those with the small red berries. they taste ok, very sweet, and at the moment all the other trees of the same type have borne fruit, but this one has not borne any fruit yet, and the leaves have started wilting since i started peeing on "her".......

  14. #14
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    My father in law (deceased) came back as an owl. So the family believe. How this came about was because I tried to make light of why an Owl came to be sitting on our patio. It was obviously sick or injured and wouldn't fly away and this worried the wife due to Owls being associated with death. I casually remarked that "maybe it's your dead father, come back to see our new baby" ? Within 10 minutes of that I could hear someone talking on the patio. I asked the wife who it was and she replied "it's my mother". I went outside and to my amazement her mother was sitting down talking to the Owl, asking why he (the father in law) had come back ? She then stuck the Owl under her arm and walked off in the direction of the temple, still talking to the Owl. What became of the Owl I have no idea but within an hour of this occurance, the wife's mother had arranged a party at our house, with as many locals as she could round up. The local charlatan also attended to offer his support, courtacy of the standard fee. Thanks to him and the devine intervention of the mother in law the Owl (father in law) hasn't been back.
    Conclussion is that you don't joke with Thais.

  15. #15
    たのむよ。
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