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  1. #1
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    The wonder that is airport security

    So as I flew out of CM on Friday, I was briefly interrupted by the bod at the scanner who held up two cheap Bic lighters and said "Only One".

    I was about to correct him, and tell him the actual line in the movie was "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" but I realised he probably wouldn't get the reference. So I just said "Which one's got the most gas?" and he gave me that one, dumping the other in the bin.

    I wondered if this rule was somehow related to "Shoe Bomber" Richard Reid and whether or not his actual problem was running out of gas, and that had he had a second lighter, his fiendish plot may have succeeded.

    Turn to today, leaving Phnom Penh, and I had bought a load of spices in Cambo because they're really cheap.

    This bint went through every one and then carefully removed the Smoked Paprika.

    "OK", I naturally asked, "so why?".

    She gestured throwing the jar in her eyes. apparently indicating that I might somehow use it to blind one of the crew.

    "I understand" I sighed, I mean what's the fucking point?

    I was pondering it further on the flight as I tucked into my meal with the metal fork....
    The next post may be brought to you by my little bitch Spamdreth

  2. #2
    5 4 Knoll
    david44's Avatar
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    Life with the spice gals , living the ream eh


  3. #3
    Thailand Expat Backspin's Avatar
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    Smoking cigarettes now is like using a typewriter as a word processor.

    Vaping gives you a better head rush, it is cleaner, way heathier, more fun and more discreet. Get with the times you dozy luddite.

  4. #4
    5 4 Knoll
    david44's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Backspin View Post
    more fun and more discreet
    A "heads up" from the UniBummer

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat helge's Avatar
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    Is "thumps up" already ...so yesterday ?

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Fuck off skidmark.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Backspin View Post
    Smoking cigarettes now is like using a typewriter as a word processor.
    It isn't. One is a mechanical/technical instrument, the other a nicotine-stick. One would have thought that even you would know that, Backspit.

  8. #8
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    What an utterly pointless thread.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat
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    It could have been, "what have airport security caught you with" or something.

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by malmomike77 View Post
    It could have been, "what have airport security caught you with" or something.
    Yes, more interesting and liable to increase the number of intelligent/semi-intelligent posts.

    So let's derail this thread!

    Early last year when I entered Istanbul Airport, my backpack was swab-tested for various class A drugs and sent the testing machine off the scales. The customs/immigration guy was somewhat surprised until I explained that I had used that bag many times in Shan State, Myanmar where everything is tainted with drug residues. To prove my point, I produced a large wad of Burmese kyat notes (probably about $20 USD worth) and a swab of those notes sent the machine into an orgasm overdrive.

    Fortunately, I didn't have to submit to an anal probe by a female Turkish customs officer... (those are the ones with the moustaches....)
    Groping women when you're old is fine - everyone thinks you're senile

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    What an utterly pointless thread.
    I could start a thread about staring at walls and it would still be less pointless than any of your usual, pitiful moans.

    The wonder that is airport security-mrsbrady-jpg

  12. #12
    Making people dance. :-)
    Edmond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    What an utterly pointless thread.
    Cut him some slack. It's his first time being in South-East Asia. We've all been there and gotten excited.

  13. #13
    Isle of discombobulation Joe 90's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    What an utterly pointless thread.
    The irony.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
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    ^

    ain't that the truth.

  15. #15
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    On the issue of residue contamination on currency, most British banknotes will register on Customs scanners for cocaine presence.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat
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    Don't ask me why, but Mrs Troy thinks Isan salt tastes better than salt in Germany. Unfortunately her attempt to take some back ended up sending the suitcase scanner at Udon into a frenzy. Gave security a good laugh when they found out it was just salt.

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Troy View Post
    Don't ask me why, but Mrs Troy thinks Isan salt tastes better than salt in Germany.
    I just looked, I have four different kind of salt in the kitchen cupboard, including Isan salt from Bandung. They all taste different. The Bandung salt is only used for boiling veggies and pasta though.

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond View Post
    Cut him some slack. It's his first time being in South-East Asia. We've all been there and gotten excited.
    Haven't you got some comments in news threads to whine about?

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Troy View Post
    Don't ask me why, but Mrs Troy thinks Isan salt tastes better than salt in Germany. Unfortunately her attempt to take some back ended up sending the suitcase scanner at Udon into a frenzy. Gave security a good laugh when they found out it was just salt.
    The Cambodian lady did have a good look through the spices. But once she'd nicked my Paprika she had the smug look of the cat that got the cream.

    I suspect she may have had a hankering for Goulash. Or not.

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat Fondles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Backspin View Post

    Vaping gives you a better head rush, it is cleaner, way heathier, more fun and more discreet. Get with the times you dozy luddite.
    Must be way healthier which brings into question the ever growing list of countries that have banned vaping

  21. #21
    Thailand Expat
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    Yes it is.

    Fret not teakdoorers, new security scanners will soon be in place and will allow you to not have to remove anything from your bag. They are already at London City Airport.

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by harrybarracuda View Post
    I was pondering it further on the flight as I tucked into my meal with the metal fork....
    Well, that's a rarity these days.

    Which airline, mate?

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat Backspin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    Yes, more interesting and liable to increase the number of intelligent/semi-intelligent posts.

    So let's derail this thread!

    Early last year when I entered Istanbul Airport, my backpack was swab-tested for various class A drugs and sent the testing machine off the scales. The customs/immigration guy was somewhat surprised until I explained that I had used that bag many times in Shan State, Myanmar where everything is tainted with drug residues. To prove my point, I produced a large wad of Burmese kyat notes (probably about $20 USD worth) and a swab of those notes sent the machine into an orgasm overdrive.

    Fortunately, I didn't have to submit to an anal probe by a female Turkish customs officer... (those are the ones with the moustaches....)
    Really. How credible is this ? Your satchel tested positive for various drugs and you just got waved through anyway ?

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat Backspin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fondles View Post
    Must be way healthier which brings into question the ever growing list of countries that have banned vaping
    It's 1000% fucking healthier. There was some counterfeit batches of vape oil being sold online from China that contained poisons. That killed some ppl. So these Karen governments banned vaping. Which is like banning potatoe chips because some ppl died eating illegal counterfeit potatoe chips from China. Fucking ridiculous. Don't be fooled by retards

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mendip View Post
    Well, that's a rarity these days.

    Which airline, mate?
    Thai Smile. I should say the soon to be defunct Thai Smile.

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