Top 30 Nights out in the UK

**Joe 90** · 05-06-2023, 05:17 AM

Swansea the Mumbles mile and Wrexham fondly called by the locals as the Rectum of Wales, should have a honorary mention!

Those Welsh birds love cock on account of all the local men's tendencies towards sheep shagging.

Some of most memorable sexual experiences have been with ladies from the valley's.

Too many to mention, but one in particular stands out.

She had this technique and perversion for multiple orgasms, not hers, mine.

She would literally gobble you into oblivion, that was her thing.

Afterwards she would offer you some rarebit then put her glass eye back in and bid you farewell then wander off in search of more sustenance.

**dirk diggler** · 05-06-2023, 05:28 AM

Good girl, could have got a job in Eden.

**Bonecollector** · 05-06-2023, 05:36 AM

Eden 5555 monsieur Marc with his girls and their 'tool bags'

**dirk diggler** · 05-06-2023, 06:09 AM

Tell us more, we've only heard rumours...

**dirk diggler** · 05-06-2023, 06:11 AM

Marc was murdered btw.

**Bonecollector** · 05-06-2023, 06:17 AM

Originally Posted by dirk diggler

Marc was murdered btw.

Yea, a sad end to an illustrious career as one of Bangkok's finest ever pimps. Definitely went down on his terms and true to his audacity.

**Bonecollector** · 05-06-2023, 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by dirk diggler

Tell us more, we've only heard rumours...

You could pre-order outfits and tools basically. It was about the most professionally run whore bar ive ever come across.

**Bettyboo** · 05-06-2023, 07:52 AM

I presume this list was generated by AI, and the AI programmed by some wanker who has never had a night out in his life...

Shockingly crap list (that's not to say that you can't have a good night out anywhere...).

I once had a great night out with Shane Mac of Teeth and drinking fame; oh no, that was in Islington, can't mention that...
I once had a great night out when Ian Brown (of Stone Roses fame) asked me "what the fuk are you on mate?"; oh no, that was in Muswell Hill, can't mention that.
I once had a great night out with A Mongolian young lady and a Finnish young lady where...

, can't mention that, it was in E1.
I once had a f'kin mad night out with an Italian girl (quality Lake Come sort; gorgeous...) where we got wankered in the extreme then pretended to be BZW traders and got a free penthouse room atop a 5-star hotel (went on a BZW account due to a company ID card I'd "picked up" earlier in the evening...

); oh no, can't mention that, t'was in Canary Wharf.

I've had shit nights out in Swansea, Cardiff, Newport (don't even wanna mention a Bridgend night out - fuk me...

), Sheffield, Ipswich, Reading & Bristol. I've had a pretty good night out in Glasgow, but if truth be known, I'm not sure the locals liked my London accent, so I was a tad worried that evening (what window would I pick???).

Crap list.

**david44** · 05-06-2023, 02:46 PM

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

don't even wanna mention a Bridgend

green owed for the Hole with the Mint

**dirk diggler** · 05-06-2023, 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by Bettyboo

I presume this list was generated by AI, and the AI programmed by some wanker who has never had a night out in his life...

Conducted by Get Licensed, each city was assessed on a range of factors including the number of bars and pubs per 100,000 people and safety when out and about.

Link in the OP.

Just a bit of fun Betty, nothing to get worked up about.

Ian Brown is a talentless monkey-faced oxygen thief by the way. The Stone Roses were shite too. Squire did well to get out of there and his Album with The Seahorses was brilliant.

Brown headlined Blues and Roots Festival on 15th March 2008 or 2009 in Perth, Oz.

Later that night we're in Rosie O' Grady's in Northbridge, the man himself swaggers up:

Bouncer: Errr, not tonight mate

IB: Do you know who I am?

Bouncer: I don't give a fuck mate, you're not coming in here dressed like a tramp

I couldn't breathe for laughing.

**reinvented** · 05-06-2023, 03:18 PM

^
harsh, agree brown cant sing for toffee, but decent lyricist
mani was perhaps the best drummer of his cohort/ generation

roses never my favorite but appreciated them more later in life

and thats rich coming from aussies who generally dress like they did when they got off the transports

**dirk diggler** · 05-06-2023, 03:38 PM

Originally Posted by reinvented

and thats rich coming from aussies who generally dress like they did when they got off the transports

Have you tried getting into a bar in Oz lately? It's nearly impossible.

You need photographic ID (passport or Aussie driving license only), dress shoes/boots but no steel toes, a collar, a full detailed description of everywhere you've been that month, a full detailed description of what you've had to drink that year, the biometrics of everybody you know in the world and a full body cavity search.

Cvnts.

**DrWilly** · 05-06-2023, 04:33 PM

That's a losing business model. Once the cavity search is done you're also done and don't need to go into the bar to pick up anyone anymore that night. Well, so I've heard...

**Mendip** · 05-06-2023, 04:36 PM

^^ Should there not be a comma after 'dress'?

**dirk diggler** · 05-06-2023, 04:42 PM

Originally Posted by Mendip

^^ Should there not be a comma after 'dress'?

I've not been to those places cos I'm not in the habit of eating cheese and onion pies or quiches.

**Mendip** · 05-06-2023, 05:07 PM

^ You're missing out mate.

Down in Somerset we eat quiches freely, secure in our sexuality.

But I don't wear dresses, I hasten to add.

**DrWilly** · 05-06-2023, 07:59 PM

Originally Posted by Mendip

But I don't wear dresses, I hasten to add.

Just your dog...

**Troy** · 06-06-2023, 01:42 AM

Originally Posted by cyrille

Christ knows what they found to do in Walsall.

I was quite surprised about Telford bein 4th too. It's been a very long time, but in my teenage years, we used to take girls out to Ironbridge for a quiet night out. Used to be good draught beer on sale and nice summer evenings in pub gardens.
Still got into trouble, mates car broke down and brought girlfriend back to parents at 2am. No mobiles in those days so parents were worried sick.

York is a fun place, Falmouth used to be great fun as well as Penzance. Loved Nottingham with the nursing Universities and Bristol was also fun. London? Always had fun there, used to have a parking spot at Imperial for years after uni.

**Joe 90** · 06-06-2023, 01:50 AM

Originally Posted by Troy

used to have a parking spot at Imperial for years after uni.

Bet that saved a few quid!

Can't believe Birkinhead is not on the list!

£15 entrance to the Zoo nightclub and all you can drink and you get to finger every bird on the dancefloor.

Total carnage!Total carnage!!

**Reg Dingle** · 06-06-2023, 02:09 AM

Was this list compiled by some tightwad Scottish lover of cheap student nights out, by any chance Dirk?

Dudley?
Kidderminster and Halesowen were livelier

Whitley Bay was far superior to Newcastle for a night out/stag do.

That's bullshit that, there's hundreds of towns, especially seaside, not on Dirks list in the UK that you can get it for a pack of fuckin scratchings

**Reg Dingle** · 06-06-2023, 02:14 AM

Originally Posted by Joe 90

£15 entrance to the Zoo nightclub and all you can drink and you get to finger every bird on the dancefloor.

Mate, you're nearly 60

**Joe 90** · 06-06-2023, 02:29 AM

Originally Posted by Reg Dingle

Mate, you're nearly 60

Like I said, a lot of lubrication is needed

**dirk diggler** · 06-06-2023, 02:30 AM

Originally Posted by Reg Dingle

Was this list compiled by some tightwad Scottish lover of cheap student nights out, by any chance Dirk?

FFS don't shoot the messenger, Outside of Scotland I've only had a night out in Gatwick, shite. Knutsford, shite. And Manchester.

Manchester was alright but I was stopped off for a night to visit a mate who lived in Knutsford and worked with submarines.

It started snowing and we went to Manchester (Something Cross) and had a pretty good time until I pulled a bird and my mate started acting like a neglected 6 year old and cock-blocked me.

The flight to BKK the next day was horrible to say the least, but at least I had a whole centre section on the plane to pass out on.

The same mate came to visit me in Thailand a few years back. In the end I drove him to the train station and told him to get the fuck out of my car and never contact me again.

Fucking Knutsford. Told me he lived in Manchester.

**Joe 90** · 06-06-2023, 02:36 AM

Originally Posted by dirk diggler

Fucking Knutsford. Told me he lived in Manchester.

That's debtors paradise mate.

The plastic women there want to see a dozen platinum cards in your wallet before you get to buy them an expensive drink let alone a sticky finger.

**Joe 90** · 06-06-2023, 02:37 AM

Originally Posted by dirk diggler

The same mate came to visit me in Thailand a few years back. In the end I drove him to the train station and told him to get the fuck out of my car and never contact me again.

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