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  1. #1
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    How often to you think of them? Your parents and their ancestors?

    Let's face it, there are not many on here under the age of 30. Many of you moved to LOS after retiring, and some have started second families. I am not judging or anything like that, but I have a more poignant question for you all. How often do you think of your youth? Your deceased family members? Do you have pictures, mementos, tchotchkes or heirlooms?

    I am sorry, but I come from a small family with a long history. Most of the senior members of my family have died off. It has had an effect on me for sure.

  2. #2
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    Less so these days as its over 25 years since i lost my mum to cancer, but the cancer sucks thread popping back up and poor Kits sad news did prompt some reflection. Dad less so, he passed when i was 11.

    Nowadays its mainly younger family members who are curious that gets me reflecting, getting out old photos for the kids etc. One of my sisters and niece began researching our family trees, we are a complicated family and on one side they have got back to the c16th - but to be honest its not really my thing, i tend to like to live in the present but some of the ancestors were a bit colourful and not the Introverts that Katie has me pegged as.

    I think as you age you recognise your own mortality and this can trigger bouts of sometimes maudlin thoughts, it did in my 40s for some reason but not so much now.

  3. #3
    CCBW Stumpy's Avatar
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    I gotta say Snubs, I seldom reflect back on my younger days much unless I catch with some old buddies that we did stuff, however my daughters frequently message me with pics of my days Drag racing in the NHRA and our days at the track. They find old pics and send along. It was a huge family function as we always brought them and usually a cousin or friend. Outstanding memories.

    As for my elders and families, I am from a very large Sicilian family. My Dad has 4 brothers, my mom 3 brothers and 2 sisters. Only a few have passed away and I speak with a few of my uncles pretty regularly as they always like to hear what I am up to on my travels for work around SEAsia. We are all connected on Whatsapp. I have quite a few pics of family from my parents as babies, my daughters and cousins and nephews on our walls along with pics of my wife and her family.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub View Post
    How often do you think of your youth? Your deceased family members? Do you have pictures, mementos, tchotchkes or heirlooms?

    Yes I think of my youth, because it comes from death. At my age it has finally hit that friends and family are dying off faster than I would like.

    Yes there are pictures of both my wife's and my parents in this house that we see daily.

    Sure we have pictures and mementos all around the house. Using my dad's big desk, his Arab employees built for him on his retirement. My wife loves my mom's mom's hardwood rocking chair. I think most of us are connected family wise in all aspects whether living here or the states.

  5. #5
    Guest Member S Landreth's Avatar
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    Went by and gave my strict mother a Cuban sandwich two days ago. Shhhhh,……I purchased a two new suits about two weeks ago because she’ll be leaving us. My father was taken from us when we were young.

    Have pictures that are constantly sent to me and my older sister by my younger sister (keeper of the keys) of family members that have passed away and I try to visit their mausoleum every year (father, grandfather, grandmother and youngest sister). Making sure the flowers are fresh. My younger sister contracted with some outfit that will remove old and place new at the site.

    I have a framed 5.00 dollar bill on the wall in the loft that was a bet between my father and grandfather (dated Nov 6th 1961) on the first deer of the season. The tail of the deer is also attached to the frame.

    We had a large family. My grandmother was one of 11 siblings, most of who lived in California. My younger sister will get news and share it with us.

    My mother will also share news about her siblings and their kids.

    My daughter will keep me updated on my former spouse (Nurse Ratched has moved to Arizona). But not when whatshername is with us.
    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

  6. #6
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    I'll be 37 on Monday, within 10 years 7 friends have passed on. It's is certainly food for thought and makes one appreciate each day. As for family, I am concerned about my dad's cavalier attitude to a healthy life. I have one grandparent still alive, although I honestly can't see her having much longer left, she is not in good health at all. As for me, the older I get, there more seriously I take health and fitness- I'm rather keen on breathing and not dying.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub View Post
    How often do you think of your youth?
    Occasionally, but that comes from being a member of groups that are themed on things like the cars we drove back then.

    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub View Post
    Your deceased family members?
    Every single day.

    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub View Post
    Do you have pictures, mementos, tchotchkes or heirlooms?
    Only a folder of pics on my computer that I can't bring myself to open or delete.

  8. #8
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    Aw, such a sentimental post, Snubs.


    Both my grandparents have passed on and I was close to both sides.. so I do think about the memories a lot. I also have many pics from my parents of them and my past. My dad recently gave me a bunch of photos that were given to him from his sister who lives in Arizona and is dying from Cancer. It won't be too long my parents will die and that will be really sad for me as I am close to both of them. They kind of hold the little family I have left together, especially my mom. Since I don't have kids, and am only close with one brother, it'll be really sad when my parents die. Love looking at old photos.. I have a few things from my grandparents that died, that I cherish too.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandaloopy View Post
    I'll be 37 on Monday, within 10 years 7 friends have passed on. It's is certainly food for thought and makes one appreciate each day. As for family, I am concerned about my dad's cavalier attitude to a healthy life. I have one grandparent still alive, although I honestly can't see her having much longer left, she is not in good health at all. As for me, the older I get, there more seriously I take health and fitness- I'm rather keen on breathing and not dying.
    Mandy, if you don't mind me asking, how old were your friends and what did they die from? (ie - was it self-inflicted such as riding a motorbike when drunk, suicide, alcoholism, drugs etc). Like you, most of my friends have died from illness (self-inflicted and not) and accidents.

    My family in the Uk broke off contact with me at least 10 years ago, but I still email them Xmas and birthday cards. They never reply. I do have photos on my table of my 2 daughters, but they are 1 and 2 years old in the photos and 22 and 23 in real life now. The other photo on my table is of my Thai niece who died last year of TB

    I'm in the UK right now going through prostate cancer diagnosis and thereafter treatment. Got a biopsy in about a week from now. Regardless of the outcome, I should have many years left in me since prostate cancer grows slowly. But these events have made me reconsider how not to waste my future years. I am keen to get back to Myanmar to teach in-class again, (if anyone will have me!). Relaxing on a beach in sunny Thailand is (for me) enjoyable for only a short period of time.
    Groping women when you're old is fine - everyone thinks you're senile

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    I'm in the UK right now going through prostate cancer diagnosis and thereafter treatment. Got a biopsy in about a week from now. Regardless of the outcome, I should have many years left in me since prostate cancer grows slowly. But these events have made me reconsider how not to waste my future years. I am keen to get back to Myanmar to teach in-class again, (if anyone will have me!). Relaxing on a beach in sunny Thailand is (for me) enjoyable for only a short period of time.
    All the best, Simon. Glad you are doing well. My dad is doing well after having radiation.. only goes back for tests at the end of August. There is a saying, forgot who said it, but without health we have nothing. Life is so short, enjoy while you can.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandaloopy View Post
    I'll be 37 on Monday, within 10 years 7 friends have passed on. It's is certainly food for thought and makes one appreciate each day
    I really get you there, I have lost a handful of friends too and I am only 50. Makes you realize that it could happen to you as well. Best to get where the air is clean and you can breathe, Mandy.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandaloopy View Post
    within 10 years 7 friends have passed on
    Now that made me think. Similar happened to me i lost 4 friends, 2 of which were very close in 3 years when i was 18 to 21 - up until then i'd not really known death. One was run over, two died in motorcycle accidents and one as a passenger in a car. I got a bit numb and quite cynical and careless through my 20s.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    Mandy, if you don't mind me asking, how old were your friends and what did they die from? (ie - was it self-inflicted such as riding a motorbike when drunk, suicide, alcoholism, drugs etc). Like you, most of my friends have died from illness (self-inflicted and not) and accidents.
    Sure, no problem. 5 was from booze/drugs, 1 was manslaughter ( he got into a fight, hit his head) 1 was a bike wreck; they were apparently way over the limit, which seems to make the death all the more pointless.

    Makes me think: Is an expat life particularly harsh? My life is pretty tame.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat Backspin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mandaloopy View Post
    I'll be 37 on Monday, within 10 years 7 friends have passed on. It's is certainly food for thought and makes one appreciate each day. As for family, I am concerned about my dad's cavalier attitude to a healthy life. I have one grandparent still alive, although I honestly can't see her having much longer left, she is not in good health at all. As for me, the older I get, there more seriously I take health and fitness- I'm rather keen on breathing and not dying.
    I'm 38. Other than a motorcycle rider killed a few years ago , I haven't lost friends. Mid/late 30's isn't usually when you start losing friends is it? Edit. I seen your other reply.

    These were expat friends eh.

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat misskit's Avatar
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    I think about deceased family members all of the time. I haven't been able to get away from that lately. Comes with age, I guess, and will not get any better.

    I have small things around the house here to remind me of loved ones. A kimono made by my deceased MiL hangs on my bedroom wall. An elephant cigarette box which belonged to my grandma on the tv console. An engagement ring passed down several generations of women. Stuff like that. Most heirlooms went to my brother and his family. Pretty silly to bring the big stuff to Thailand. Before I left the US, while the family was going though the old photos, I took photos of the photos to keep on my phone but none hang on the walls here.

    My father had a CD made from the 8mm movies he made in the 50’s thru the 70’s. If I want to have a real good cry, just break that out. Grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles long gone all appear young and happy. I miss them all.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Backspin View Post
    I'm 38. Other than a motorcycle rider killed a few years ago , I haven't lost friends. Mid/late 30's isn't usually when you start losing friends is it?
    You have been very lucky to reach such an age and not lost any friends.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by misskit View Post
    My father had a CD made from the 8mm movies he made in the 50’s thru the 70’s. If I want to have a real good cry, just break that out.
    I have one of those too. I tried to watch it a few years ago, and it was very emotional, and I had to shut it off. Every time I look at that CD I say to myself that I should watch it, but I never do.

    Quote Originally Posted by misskit View Post
    Grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles long gone all appear young and happy.
    Yes, that is the one for sure. Holidays at my great Aunts place mostly.

    Quote Originally Posted by misskit View Post
    I miss them all.
    So do I. It has been weighing on me of late.

  18. #18
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    I think of my parents often, and miss them dearly . If I could have only one wish granted , it would be to spend a few minutes with him so that I can apologies for being such a prick in my formative years.

  19. #19
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    I have a folder on my phone which are family pics and they are usually older ones, taken 10 or so years ago (pics of printed pics). When I miss my dad (RIP), I look at pics from that folder.

    I don't have pics of my grandparents (both sides) on my phone, but I have them in my mind's eye. Which reminds me - I have to look for that photo album where there are pics of my paternal grandparents. When my dad was younger, he looked nothing like my grandpa. But when he got older (60+), they appeared more similar. Genes, I guess.

    I never knew my maternal grandparents because of life circumstances. They lived in another country and we weren't able to visit while they were still alive due to lack of $$$ and difficulty of paperwork (needed visas at that time).

    I've dreamed of my departed dad several times. The last one was fairly recent.

    Question: do you dream/ have you dreamed of your departed ancestors or friends? If yes, were they good, bad or silly dreams? How did you feel after the dream?

    +++++

    Re: friends, I had a colleague/ friend pass away due to encephalitis when I was in my early 20s. Visited her once in hospital, in the ICU. Her death affected me at the time. I sometimes wonder how she would've been if she had lived.

  20. #20
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    Before I joined up, I worked in hospitals and many of my friends were from ancillary staff, porters, cooks, cleaners, laundry and others.

    Joe was a hospital cook in his early 20s. Died on his motorbike on the way to work one day. I can still see his cheery, ruddy face and engaging smile to this day.
    Others who died were through old age end of life stuff, but Joe’s death hit me really hard.
    Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.

  21. #21
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    I talk to my elderly mother weekly (we have a set day and time). Dad passed years ago, and mum gets a call on the day that was his birthday. I inherited his service medals, watch and a few other bibs and bobs.

  22. #22
    CCBW Stumpy's Avatar
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    I speak with both my parents every few days and my Dad almost daily through Whatsapp as we watch sports and talk crap at each other about how the Giants/Warriors are doing. My dad at 89 can rip off Whatsapp messages like a kid. I love it and we laugh. He even takes selfies flipping me off after I show him pics of my planned dinner.

    My Mom is plugging along with her cancer.

    I get updates from a few High school buddies about who died. I would have to guess 60 to 70% have died already for a variety reasons. Sickness, accident, drugs, suicide. My best friend is alive and well and owns his own business in Aptos California. We email back and forth and I see him when I travel to the US. My daughters and I have grown very close again. After my divorce and me moving abroad for work it was tough on us. But now it's like it was. We send pics, vids and calls. My oldest daughter asked me to please bring all my racing pics and stuff back. She has a wall she wants to add all of them too.

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub View Post
    Let's face it, there are not many on here under the age of 30. Many of you moved to LOS after retiring, and some have started second families. I am not judging or anything like that, but I have a more poignant question for you all. How often do you think of your youth? Your deceased family members? Do you have pictures, mementos, tchotchkes or heirlooms?

    I am sorry, but I come from a small family with a long history. Most of the senior members of my family have died off. It has had an effect on me for sure.
    Never had thoughts of my own mortality until I hit 50. Ever since the thought grows stronger with each passing year and earth in the family. Within the last 24-30 months I’ve lost 6 of my aunts and uncles between the ages of 67-86. And then on December 31st last year my Mom popped her clogs at age 76. So all 6 of the siblings on my Mom’s side are now gone and I’ve got 3 of 10 left on my Dad’s side. Two in their 80s and the youngest who I think is 72 now. Guess that pretty much puts me in the ranks now of us cousins being up next. So far think only two have passed away so far. Also expecting to start hearing of more Shipmates passing away in the coming years at a faster pace. So far it’s been a sporadic thing in recent years.

    Late last year before moving to Thailand I pretty much divvied up any heirlooms I had. Gave a nephew the 5/10/15/20 year pins I’d been hold into for about 30 years that belong to my Grandpa for his years at Diebold. Pretty much did the same with a lot of my Navy and family memorabilia passed out to my kids, siblings and a couple cousins. Brought just a few pictures with me to Thailand.

    My wife is one of six siblings and has lost three already. One of them passed away early last month. Don’t think any of them would have even been 60 yet if still alive.

    I’m 61 now and pretty content at this stage in life. Have a kinda sorta “it is what it is” attitude towards the coming deaths in the family I’m sure to experience. I’m the oldest of 6 and kinda hoping I outlive at least a few of them …

    I don’t look back too much. Too late for that bull sh1t. Really feel at peace with it all and myself.

    Cheers fellers!

  24. #24
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    ^ i think we get more pragmatic as we age and face our own mortality, as long as someone has had a good innings then it is what it is. I find young ones dying upsets me.

  25. #25
    CCBW Stumpy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Storekeeper View Post
    Never had thoughts of my own mortality until I hit 50.
    Good post above SK.

    I don't think about dying. Not sure why. Probably because I am busier then a 1 legged man in an ass kicking contest or because I almost died a few times earlier in life from doing extreme sports and a few near misses. I do think a lot of that comes when one has free time to look back....or forward. But I fully agree, at our age, it is what it is. When my time is up, I just wanna check out fast. The same way I lived my life.

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