Thread: Bloody Backdoor Bandit

I got anally attacked by a vicious predator and ended up with a bloody arse yesterday.

I did not even realise that anything had happened until some time later (much like a Catholic altar boy who has blocked out memories of traumatic events)

I had been working in the forest and then come in and showered and made my evening meal of spicy Tom Yum soup (Blokish batch bucket that lasts a week)

I had finished my spicy soup and I got up to take the bowl to the sink when I noticed that the sofa cushion was covered in copious amounts of blood.

I should have taken a photo but my top priority was preventing the blood stain on the white sofa cushion cover.

And at this stage I had not even realised I was still bleeding since a quick mirror check did not reveal a cut on my back.

It was only when I checked a 2nd time that I realised my brand new dark blue boxers were also soaked in blood.

Anyhoo it appears to have been a leech and this is where the nasty barsteward leeched onto me...

Right in the old builders crack.

Weird thing is he must have been on me throughout my shower and dinner.

When I spotted the wound I could feel a little strip of flesh or something. I pinched it thinking it might be the leech, and a strip of gooey flesh tore off. I don't know it was a bit of the leech or a bit of me. It was light coloured fleshy goo and leeches are dark green or black.

So if he detached in the house then where would he go?

He would be well engorged with amount of time he was probably on me.

Where would be the likeliest spot to find a detached leech hiding inside the house?

How long do they live for indoors?

Originally Posted by Looper

Where would be the likeliest spot to find a detached leech hiding inside the house?

...guest bedroom...

Well it seems to have vacated your bum parts real quick, of it's own volition. Dunno if that's a good or a bad thing. I guess it was just bumming a ride.

^^^ Call that an arse Looper?

There's nary a hair in sight.

Fuck but that bloke’s weird.

Originally Posted by Looper

Weird thing is he must have been on me throughout my shower and dinner.

Their saliva has a type of local anathstetic in it, that's why you didn't know it had taken a bite out of your arse and was siphoning your blood like a disgruntled Ex. Just like her and her lawyer, they only drop off when they're fully satisfied. You probably kept bleeding for some time after it was gone too, the bastards also have something in their saliva that stops blood from congealing. You may have carried it into the house on your clothes or it might have been attached to your quoit already before you got home if you were wearing clothes that gave it easy access (no not a g-string, jeans with an un-tucked shirt is all they need.)

Surprised you haven't had encounters with them before as from pics you've posted, it looks like you live in the Hinterlands area of the Goldie which is full of the fucking things. You didn't say how you removed it, their teeth can stay in the wound site and become infected if they're just ripped off or are dead when removed. We had to be really careful in PNG because tropical ulcers were so easy to get from open wounds and would burn them off as we all carried durrie lighters back then, or put salt on them, both ways make them let go and drop off. Anyway, you'll live

So if he detached in the house then where would he go?

I'd be more worried that he has disappeared up your butt hole

Originally Posted by Mendip

^^^ Call that an arse Looper?

There's nary a hair in sight.

I believe that back, sack and crack waxing is all the rage down under.
Should have took a freshly sparked rollie to it!
Life is a constant learning curve.

I nearly came out with an old leech joke I know...

But it sucks!

HW, a lot of blood sucking animals such as vampire bats, mosquitos and fleas have an anticoagulant in their saliva to stop blood clotting. There's research to use leech and mosquito saliva to help break up blood clots and stuff.

Strangely enough human saliva contains stuff that promotes blood clotting, which is why people automatically lick wounds. Although I wish Looper luck in finding someone to help him out with that.

Originally Posted by cyrille

Fuck but that bloke’s weird.

Might seem weird to you mate, but he's OUR weirdo.

Originally Posted by Mendip

^^^ Call that an arse Looper?

There's nary a hair in sight.

Perhaps our Loop is a secret shaver of sorts - preferring that Metrosexual appearance.
Ya never know about folks until they start flashing nude pics of themselves.

Nonetheless......a very teakdoor themed thread.

Are we just gonna totally ignore opening a new "TD Rear of the Year" thread?

Get your bums out guys (and girls).

Looper's 2 peaches wrapped in a silk hanky will be hard to beat.

Originally Posted by Bogon

Are we just gonna totally ignore opening a new "TD Rear of the Year" thread?

Yes, please. Oddly enough, I just visualized Mendips' ass and I doubt I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Originally Posted by Topper

Yes, please. Oddly enough, I just visualized Mendips' ass and I doubt I'll be able to sleep tonight.

Originally Posted by Bogon

Are we just gonna totally ignore opening a new "TD Rear of the Year" thread?

Get your bums out guys (and girls).

Looper's 2 peaches wrapped in a silk hanky will be hard to beat.

expect reds

Originally Posted by Topper

Yes, please. Oddly enough, I just visualized Mendips' ass and I doubt I'll be able to sleep tonight.

And you think I'll be sleeping soundly, knowing what you're dreaming about?

Originally Posted by Looper

Anyhoo it appears to have been a leech

the fukers can get into some unpleasant places

I had one once get on a friends eyeball up under the eyelid… big af.

can’t use fire on an eye ball, nor dry salt. Small bottle of saline solution did the trick quick smart!

Originally Posted by Looper

I had been DOGGING in the forest and then ...

fixed that for ya

APPLY COCAINE LIBERALLY AND WAIT FOR THE BUM'S RUSH

You guys are so gay! Lmao
talking about mens asses.

what is seen, cannot be unseen sadly.

Alternative Photographic anal ysis reveals

1 Loopy has mistakenly posted from his GRINDR profile
2 He should wipe DOWN not UPWARDS after using the bum gun.

I'be never had a leech on me but watching this movie from a very young age is probably the same thing.

Originally Posted by MarilynMonroe

what is seen, cannot be unseen sadly.

Ah, I remember the pics of your tits....