RIP little Bam

**Bonecollector** · 21-06-2022, 09:19 AM

Originally Posted by Simon43

Thanks everyone for all these kind words. I only wish that I had returned to Thailand at an earlier date and been able to intervene earlier in her illness. I have of course, lots of sympathy for her mom and family for their loss, but FFS they must have realised something wasn't good healthwise when Bam started dropping literally kilograms of weight each week.

Went to the temple between my lessons to help to wash and dress her body. Once everything is completed with her funeral, I need to get a TB check for myself and her mom, because we were in close contact with Bam for several weeks (wearing masks of course), in her hospital room.

I think I speak for everyone in commending you for your humanity, You probably made her last few days showing such an interest and love for her; you can be happy in the knowledge that she probably passed with a full heart.

Thai's can be strange and appear somewhat shallow when it comes to death. I do not think it is that they do not care but more that they believe in a next life. Someone, such as Bam, is going to a better life and therefore they will feel best just to let her go and not fight it. I can really understand the reasoning behind this if you are Buddhist and believe in reincarnation. Why prolong a life of pain when you have a new, probable, better life waiting for you. I think that is how they might feel about Bam noi. Bless

**katie23** · 21-06-2022, 09:29 AM

RIP Bam. I hope her next life is easier & more abundant.

@Simon - thanks for taking care of her when she most needed it. You are a gem.

**panama hat** · 21-06-2022, 09:39 AM

Originally Posted by Bonecollector

I think I speak for everyone in commending you for your humanity, You probably made her last few days showing such an interest and love for her; you can be happy in the knowledge that she probably passed with a full heart.

^ Definitely.

What an utter tragedy, Simon . . .

**Simon43** · 21-06-2022, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by Bonecollector

I think I speak for everyone in commending you for your humanity, You probably made her last few days showing such an interest and love for her; you can be happy in the knowledge that she probably passed with a full heart.

Thai's can be strange and appear somewhat shallow when it comes to death. I do not think it is that they do not care but more that they believe in a next life. Someone, such as Bam, is going to a better life and therefore they will feel best just to let her go and not fight it. I can really understand the reasoning behind this if you are Buddhist and believe in reincarnation. Why prolong a life of pain when you have a new, probable, better life waiting for you. I think that is how they might feel about Bam noi. Bless

Yes, it's definitely a Buddhist thing. If this life is only one of many, why hang around in this life when things go bad? Actually, I think this is a better attitude than the belief that there is only 1 life, and all efforts to maintain it against all odds should be strived for. For Bam, it wasn't really the diseases that ended this life - more the medications than simply overwhelmed her vital organs.

In a Christian country, I guess people would be in tears at the sight of the lifeless body. Yesterday, there was laughter at the temple as family struggled to put a new bra on her body, and when her sister applied make-up to her face. Kids ran around, no tears at all, Bam was already on her way to the next life.

The day before she died, a kind nurse spoke to her and explained that she would shortly pass from this life into the next, and there was nothing to fear. Bam understood her words and although she couldn't speak, nodded her head in understanding.

Tomorrow we'll have the cremation, and then I'm off to Samui. I'm batted around many potential locations to live for a few years, and the property for rent on Samui with a big garden looks OK for me

**Bonecollector** · 21-06-2022, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by Simon43

The day before she died, a kind nurse spoke to her and explained that she would shortly pass from this life into the next, and there was nothing to fear. Bam understood her words and although she couldn't speak, nodded her head in understanding.

That is unbelievably sweet.

Nobody knows for certain what happens when we die; as with life, usually best to think positively!

Enjoy Samui, nice to hear the place you found has a garden and I look forward to seeing the pictures.

**dirk diggler** · 21-06-2022, 03:50 PM

Oh man, not a dry eye in the house.

So sad for your loss, Simon.

I hope the source/s of these terrible illnesses have been made aware of the danger to themselves and others.

RIP Bam.

**Simon43** · 21-06-2022, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by dirk diggler

Oh man, not a dry eye in the house.

So sad for your loss, Simon.

I hope the source/s of these terrible illnesses have been made aware of the danger to themselves and others.
RIP Bam.

TB is an opportunistic infection that often occurs in HIV-positive people who have a compromised immune system. Bam will have been infected with HIV when she was perhaps 16 years old or younger. Who knows what man/teen infected her (it wasn't IV drug use). She lived with me in Phuket and would go out most evenings with her older sister on the Thai teen boys' motorbikes. I went to great lengths to get them home by 10 or 11pm. They would come home, wait until I was asleep, and then creep out again!

I even superglued the windows shut and slept with the door key, but they used nail varnish remover to soften the glue!! Believe me, Bam was very resourceful and stubborn when she wanted to do something LoL. Such are the follies of youth....

**nidhogg** · 21-06-2022, 04:22 PM

Simon - when was she diagnosed?

**Simon43** · 21-06-2022, 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Simon - when was she diagnosed?

More than 1 year ago when she had a maternity test. She was offered the necessary drugs, but refused them out of ignorance, because she thought that they would harm her unborn child (in fact, they would protect that child, according to Sheryl from ThaiVisa). Also, because she felt healthy, she did nothing. As she started to waste away, she was too ashamed of her HIV status, so she never told her mom until only a few weeks ago. Her mom is also ignorant of how deadly untreated TB/HIV can be, and she was only admitted to hospital/started on drug treatment when I happened to visit her and saw her predicament.

Basically, a fuck-up all round, from the doctors who didn't push/explain the risks, to the ignorance of her and her family (no blame there - it's down to education, professionals, teachers etc to make young people aware of the risks of HIV/TB etc).

**nidhogg** · 21-06-2022, 05:56 PM

^ Thank you. Poverty and ignorance as much as the HIV/TB. As said, just simply too sad.

**Simon43** · 27-06-2022, 01:47 PM

I was 'hit hard' by grieving for Bam a few days after her death, especially since I went straight back into my online teaching. I've been able to resolve my grieving by considering the event from a Buddhist perspective (I'm not religious, so this is my understanding of what a Buddhist would think). Bam was living one of her lives, but has now moved on to her next life. Rather than delay the moving-on from this life (by trying against impossible odds to keep her 'in' this life), it is better to make the passing from this life to the next as comfortable as possible for her. The nurses and doctor did this by suggesting a morphine drip, after Bam went into a coma and the chance of recovery 'in this life' was all but gone. Bam passed relatively peacefully from this life in about 20 minutes after the morphine drip was attached. So (from a Buddhist perspective), she is now starting her next life, and that is something to be happy about for her.

Anyway, her family asked me to return for the 100 day Buddhist get-together, and I'm happy to do that. My thoughts and heart are at peace now ��

**Switch** · 27-06-2022, 02:39 PM

A tragic and untimely death. No age is good to die but at 18?!?!

So sorry for your loss.

**I Coalman** · 09-07-2022, 09:42 AM

Originally Posted by Bonecollector

Thai's can be strange and appear somewhat shallow when it comes to death. I do not think it is that they do not care but more that they believe in a next life. Someone, such as Bam, is going to a better life and therefore they will feel best just to let her go and not fight it. Bless

But religion is b/s.
We get one go, and that's it.
But the idea of a party atmosphere at Bam's passing is a great idea.
When I go I'd like it to be a big session, with me found in a shopping trolley somewhere the next day when the party-goers have forgotten where they left me.

Bam had her one life.
What are the odds of anybody getting a life?

**russellsimpson** · 11-07-2022, 02:15 PM

Sorry for your loss Simon. RIP Bam

**Simon43** · 11-07-2022, 02:56 PM

Yes, after going all around the country, I came back to Pattaya! But there is a solid reason for this. Bam's death hit me rather hard, and although I usually enjoy living in rural isolation, I felt that such a place might encourage brooding thoughts. I felt that it would be better if I located myself in a place with er.... stimuli, so that I didn't sit thinking about the past sad events. (She was like my own daughter, because my own kids are in the UK and I looked after Bam for 15+ years).

So I came back to Pattaya, because Pattaya offers most things that I like (beach breeze, clean air, jogging beachpath, many restaurants, supermarkets etc). The only downside is that a condo near the sea is typically a shoebox on one side of a skyscraper, with zero chance of installing radio antennas. But I was able to find a 'penthouse' on the roof of a 4-storey shophouse on 3rd road, with a nice 50 sqm patio. I'm there now, teaching online, and installing my massive (antenna) erection

Oh - I just tested positive for Covid. Still, better than gonorrhea I suppose....

That Tik-Tok video/tattoo was my own, personal tribute to Bam. I'm over the grief and getting on with life.

Naturally, I will move locations again in the future!! I want to improve my Burmese language and then return to Myanmar when my UK state pension kicks in, in 3 years from now.

**thailazer** · 12-07-2022, 12:22 PM

Way too young. Condolences to all Simon, knowing that is not enough.

**Hugh Cow** · 12-07-2022, 01:01 PM

Absolutely. Bloody awful Simon. My sincere sympathies to you and family. Very very sad.

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