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Thread: School memories

  1. #1
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    School memories

    I was reminiscing about school yesterday and thought it might be a good thread for TD and (hopefully) a bicker-free topic. Good, bad, funny etc.

    Some that spring to mind:

    My mate punching our German teacher and getting expelled.

    Someone doing a ouija board and rumours spreading in the school that the piano had started playing itself etc.

    Nervous as fuck in trials for the school football team, knowing the other lads had been the best players at their primary school too.

    The dinner ticket black market with the poor kids selling their free tickets on to make a bit of cash.

    Having to wear fucking shorts to school even in the dead of winter at primary school.

    Being called to the nun's office to be hit with a leather whip or getting a ruler across the knuckles from my primary school English teacher.

    My loony CDT teacher cycling up and down the corridors.

    Relentlessly taking the piss in religion classes and our teacher eventually walking out in tears.

    Seeing up the skirt of the fittest girl in school when I was 14. Probably the highlight of my year.

    Jumping over the fence to go the chippy and hiding around corners to hide from teachers who were on the prowl looking for us.

    PE in the local park and doing sliding tackles hoping not to cut yourself on a broken bottle or get AIDS from a discarded needle.

    Cooking class in first year and having a beautiful young teacher from Birmingham who went for a minor operation one day....and died in the operating room.

    My maths teacher who died in a motorbike accident on the way to school one morning.

    The smelly kid who used to reek the classrooms out. I can still remember the smell to this day.

    All the year standing on the stage, hiding behind the curtains, to sing a song ripping the piss out of another lad one day.

    School dinners. Chips, sausage and beans and a can of coke. Making butties out of it and one of the lads squashing one into the hair of a really nasty girl who started crying.

    The school bus home and fights at the bus stop between ourselves and other schools. "FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

    All piling onto the bus without any money and the bus company telling our school that they weren't gonna stop there anymore.

    Knuckling down in my last year and that feeling of relief when I did pretty well in my GCSEs and felt like an adult knowing I was set for college and, eventually, uni.

    Seeing five lads from my year alone selling the Big Issue in town when I started working.

    So many more memories. I didn't believe people at the time, and it certainly didn't feel like it, but they were some of the best days of my life.
    Last edited by hallelujah; 12-11-2021 at 03:37 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hallelujah View Post
    Nervous as fuck in trials for the school football team, knowing the other lads had been the best players at their primary school too.
    The humblebrag

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reg Dingle View Post
    The humblebrag
    To be fair, I was fucking good until I had a bit of a big summer on the chips and gravy and curries. I was like Jan Molby when I got back and never played again after the third year. Fat little twat I was.

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    There are many.

    One of my earliest at primary school was being forced to dance with girls, i cannot remember but think it was square dancing. If any of the boys threw a paddy they ended up getting forced to dance with the lady teacher. 8-9 years later and you'd jump at the chance of grabbing a girls arse in a dance, it was the girls running away then.

    EDIT

    In secondary school a punishment for boys was to get forced to take part in drama school plays. It happened to me quite a bit but actually you quite often got to do parts with some of the hottest girls in school. My class mates used to take this piss but didn't know you could get in a clinch with someone way out of their league.

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    Quote Originally Posted by malmomike77 View Post
    There are many.

    One of my earliest at primary school was being forced to dance with girls, i cannot remember but think it was square dancing. If any of the boys threw a paddy they ended up getting forced to dance with the lady teacher. 8-9 years later and you'd jump at the chance of grabbing a girls arse in a dance, it was the girls running away then.

    EDIT

    In secondary school a punishment for boys was to get forced to take part in drama school plays. It happened to me quite a bit but actually you quite often got to do parts with some of the hottest girls in school. My class mates used to take this piss but didn't know you could get in a clinch with someone way out of their league.
    You'll have black and white photos of these events too, won't you?

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    ^ affirmative

    It was pre decimal

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    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    I remember breaking my toe playing basketball during PE and being shipped up to the hospital.

    I was lying there complaining about the pain and the curtain to the bed next to me was pulled back and there was another dude from my school on the cot next to me.

    He asked what had happened so I explained in detail and described the severe pain I was in.

    Asked him what he was in for and he calmly replied that he'd been kicked square in the plums and one of his testicles had split.

    I shut the fuck up.

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    So building up a mental picture here

    Hal would be your Pogo Patterson and Mickey your already balding potential sex pest gym teacher.



    I was always easily led at school, got caned, rulered and slippered then belted at home. Didn't do me any harm

    I played for the school footy team once as a goal hanging striker in a 18 nil battering. They never picked me again, although I didn't really understand the offside rule and had 2 left feet.

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    In my secondary school years, after moving to a different town, I was invited by some of my new classmates to leave the school premises after eating our lunch and pop across the road to the pub for a drink. We were all wearing school uniforms.

    "Half a pint of pale ale, please."

    "That'll be 12p."

    We went to another pub in the town too and got served there but I thought the pub across the road from the school would have twigged we were still at school and certainly not 18 years old.

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    ^ 1971?

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    I used to look forward to getting my free school milk, loved that.

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    They created a 'C Team' because there was enough of us keen (but shit) to play football. We played 1 game all year. (Against the B Team).

    Being put next to the class weirdo in the hope that by me being sensible it would force him to be but instead made my life miserable and ruined my already average grades.

    Being sent to the Head of Year because the substitute teacher thought I was taking the piss when I said I didn't understand what to do. And then sent to the deputy head when I came back and told the sub that the Head of Year told me that the sub should explain it.

    First place in the Sports Day Obstacle race.

    Fighting (getting beaten up by) kids from other nearby schools.

    Packs of 10 Mayfair Light.

    2 litre bottles of cider.

    Touching a girls tits on a dual carriageway.
    I'd like to see what morning looks like
    Don't wanna drink pint after pint
    I wanna wake up without feeling sick
    But I can't cuz I'm a drug-abusing alcoholic

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    Quote Originally Posted by malmomike77 View Post
    I used to look forward to getting my free school milk, loved that.
    I can still smell that milk.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna View Post
    certainly not 18 years old.
    Wasn’t a problem.

    A girlfriend’s older brother gave me his draft card. Same height, weight, blonde and blue.

    But the card described a scar on the left wrist. I have a scar on my right wrist.

    Some bouncers would ask to see the scar and I would show them.

    They would say,…………..that’s your right wrist.

    I’d tell them,……..IT’S YOUR LEFT.

    They would let me in.
    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrong View Post
    I can still smell that milk.
    it was usually warm by the time we got to drink it.

    I recall our Geography teacher Mr Davis, yes he was welsh. He sat me and a chap Phillip right at the front because we had the attention span of goldfish and he could stare us into working. He used to do his thing on the blackboard and then tell us to get on with whatever he was teaching, corries, cwns and cirques or whatever and the sit down and lean his chair back against the wall pivoting on the back legs with his feet upon his desk and staring down his nose through his glasses.

    Anyway, one particular day this sequence of events was followed and everyone was head down and working when there was a yelp followed by an almighty crash and everyone looked up to see only his feet in the air bicycling away. Next the whole blackboard came crashing down on top of him, it was one of those side by side sliding blackboards. Everyone was just stunned silent in shock. The finale was two panes of glass from the cupboards that surrounded the room containing variously books and samples also decided they would join the party and fell out and shattered. Mr Davis took a while to extricate himself, no one moved but the first thing he uttered was mine and Phillips names, bellowed them out and accused us of having moved his desk. He as kind of OK but sustained a cut on his cheek and smashed glasses.

    We both got marched to the head of years office and ended up with a full week of detention the following week. I suspect an enquiry was held and it transpired it was the cleaners who had for once moved all the furniture around to properly hoover. Me and Phillip did the detention, got a note sent home, i got the belt from me dad and neither of us got an apology.

    All that aside he was one of my favourite teachers.

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    Private primary school. No drama.
    Private secondary school . No drama.

    Sorry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VocalNeal View Post
    No drama.
    Wong thread VN, it isn't the "what dramas did you have at school" thread, are you sure those private schools taught you to read correctly?

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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrong View Post
    They created a 'C Team' because there was enough of us keen (but shit) to play football. We played 1 game all year. (Against the B Team).

    .
    Ha ha. We had the same. All the fat kids trying to kick a ball 2 yards without falling over.

    Was Dil your captain?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna View Post
    In my secondary school years, after moving to a different town, I was invited by some of my new classmates to leave the school premises after eating our lunch and pop across the road to the pub for a drink. We were all wearing school uniforms.

    "Half a pint of pale ale, please."

    "That'll be 12p."

    We went to another pub in the town too and got served there but I thought the pub across the road from the school would have twigged we were still at school and certainly not 18 years old.
    12p for half a pint! Kiinell, nev!

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    Quote Originally Posted by AntRobertson View Post

    Asked him what he was in for and he calmly replied that he'd been kicked square in the plums and one of his testicles had split.
    We used to play football outside the priest's house cos his gates were perfect goals and they were surrounded by privits.

    One night my mate scored the winning goal and climbed up onto one of the posts before jumping off into the privits. You can guess the rest....

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by malmomike77 View Post
    it was usually warm by the time we got to drink it.

    I recall our Geography teacher Mr Davis, yes he was welsh. He sat me and a chap Phillip right at the front because we had the attention span of goldfish and he could stare us into working. He used to do his thing on the blackboard and then tell us to get on with whatever he was teaching, corries, cwns and cirques or whatever and the sit down and lean his chair back against the wall pivoting on the back legs with his feet upon his desk and staring down his nose through his glasses.

    Anyway, one particular day this sequence of events was followed and everyone was head down and working when there was a yelp followed by an almighty crash and everyone looked up to see only his feet in the air bicycling away. Next the whole blackboard came crashing down on top of him, it was one of those side by side sliding blackboards. Everyone was just stunned silent in shock. The finale was two panes of glass from the cupboards that surrounded the room containing variously books and samples also decided they would join the party and fell out and shattered. Mr Davis took a while to extricate himself, no one moved but the first thing he uttered was mine and Phillips names, bellowed them out and accused us of having moved his desk. He as kind of OK but sustained a cut on his cheek and smashed glasses.

    We both got marched to the head of years office and ended up with a full week of detention the following week. I suspect an enquiry was held and it transpired it was the cleaners who had for once moved all the furniture around to properly hoover. Me and Phillip did the detention, got a note sent home, i got the belt from me dad and neither of us got an apology.

    All that aside he was one of my favourite teachers.
    Brilliant.

    We had a teacher who was hunchback so he was always sat kind of skewed from his desk, almost looking underneath when he spoke, but the first table were the swots who also happened to be the sexiest girls in school with some of the shortest skirts and the biggest tits. My god they were fit.

    He knew. We knew. They knew.

    Everyone went home happy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hallelujah View Post
    12p for half a pint! Kiinell, nev!
    Luckily I had enough pocket-money to pay for it.

    Quote Originally Posted by hallelujah View Post
    We used to play football outside the priest's house cos his gates were perfect goals and they were surrounded by privits.

    One night my mate scored the winning goal and climbed up onto one of the posts before jumping off into the privits. You can guess the rest....
    First year at secondary school and we were playing football in the playground at lunch time. The goal was in front of a 10ft high wire fence but one of the lads still managed to kick the ball over the fence. Unfortunately, on the other side of the fence was a house and the ball went through the kitchen window. Double unfortunately, there was an old man doing the washing up at the time. He came out of the house and spoke to us, with blood pouring down his face, all cut up by the broken glass. Fair play to the old guy, he didn't get angry at all, he just said it was one of those things. Those were the days.

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    Quote Originally Posted by hallelujah View Post
    We used to play football outside the priest's house cos his gates were perfect goals and they were surrounded by privits.

    One night my mate scored the winning goal and climbed up onto one of the posts before jumping off into the privits. You can guess the rest....
    We used to play in the graveyard using the stones as posts...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna View Post
    Luckily I had enough pocket-money to pay for it.


    First year at secondary school and we were playing football in the playground at lunch time. The goal was in front of a 10ft high wire fence but one of the lads still managed to kick the ball over the fence. Unfortunately, on the other side of the fence was a house and the ball went through the kitchen window. Double unfortunately, there was an old man doing the washing up at the time. He came out of the house and spoke to us, with blood pouring down his face, all cut up by the broken glass. Fair play to the old guy, he didn't get angry at all, he just said it was one of those things. Those were the days.
    Ouch...

    ...We were playing cricket on the old school fields in the summer with my mate bowling at me - he couldn't bat to save his life, but he could bowl very fast and had put a few school windows through behind me - and I've come out of my crease and hit him for 6! I hit him on the up on the sweet spot of my bat.

    This shot was once in a lifetime and probably the best shot I've ever played - even to this day I think of it, I had creamed him - but it was sailing for the church windows behind the fence, and it inevitably went right through the first glazed window and another commandment was shattered.

    The nuns and priest thought less of it than I did , but what a shot it was, nev. I'm typing this and can still see it as it left my bat.

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    In the 70's we used to live in a place and up the road was a chap who used to grow prized Dahlias. As lads we were always playing footie and used to play a game where you kicked the ball off his roof and the idea was to get it over the top or to get it to bounce back clearing his fenced in garden which contained his dahlias.

    The ball frequently landed in this garden and the offender had to retrieve it which was OK when he wasn't at home. When he caught us and or the ball he used to give us a hell of bollocking and he was a burly fireman so he has scary. He eventually got fed up and started puncturing balls. Cant blame him, we were really annoying little shits.

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