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  1. #1
    Thailand Expat
    Simon43's Avatar
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    Guess my next destination...

    Well I'm all packed up! On November 25th, I will fly out of Laos and onwards to settle in a new retirement destination, the identity of which will remain a secret - but do try to guess!

    Why on earth am I leaving Laos, and especially the beautiful city of Luang Prabang, where I have lived for several years, and hoped to remain until my UK pension kicks in, in 2025, at which point I had laid plans to relocate to somewhere with a sunny beach and better health care. So what went wrong?

    Well, Covid-19 didn't help of course. Laos made valiant efforts to keep out the virus, primarily because its health-care system is crap - the country would not be able to cope with massive numbers of infections. But sadly, returning Lao workers from Thailand who crossed illegally back over the Mekong river brought Covid with them, and the rest is history.

    I have just endured the second of very strict, month-long lockdowns here in Luang Prabang, where barriers were built across our road to stop anyone trying to enter or leave, even though there were no Covid cases. No food allowed in!! After exhausting what I had in the house, I went to the sole, tiny village shop and was able to buy enough water to drink for a month, as well as many cans of pilchards in tomato sauce and packets of mama noodles. That's what me and the local cats have been surviving on. Other villagers have been catching frogs to eat and eating weeds from a small pond!! Luckily, I have a banana tree in my garden, so I got some fresh fruit. I've lost a few Kg.....

    But that's not why I'm leaving. The 'encouragement' to go was when the local police bigwig drove past my house (before the lockdown), and saw my radio amateur antennas, (I'm the only radio ham in Laos, with a radio licence from the central government). The next morning, there was a police 'raid' on my house, with 8 bemused police taking photos of everything and anything. I was grilled for an hour, and then another police raid that same afternoon, with more police. Yet another visit the following day, and then I was 'invited' to the police station for a lengthy talk and what I was doing in Laos

    The last straw was another forced visit to the police, where I was told that I was living in Laos with a false work permit (not true), fined $200 (no receipt given of course), and my local ID card confiscated (no big deal!).

    So I decided that it was time to leave, and although internal (and international) travel is very difficult, due to Covid restrictions etc, I will fly out from Laos next month, with my pre-planned retirement destination being the goal.

    But where am I going? Make your guesses!
    Groping women when you're old is fine - everyone thinks you're senile

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat YourDaddy's Avatar
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    Thailand

  3. #3
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    Buckaroo Banzai's Avatar
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    And we thought we had it bad here.
    I am sure after hearing about our wonderful lives here you are heading for LOS. but my bet is on Timbuktu

  4. #4
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    But where am I going?
    ...another cheap backwater, perhaps?...

  5. #5
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    From the frying pan into . . . Cambo?

  6. #6
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    Simon43's Avatar
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    Not Thailand. I left Thailand a few years back because I am too stingy to put 800,000 baht in a bank account. Besides, 2 of my ex-wives live there.

    Timbuktu demonstrates your ignorance of geography Where is the beach in Mali?

    A cheap backwater? Of course, because I'm a lowly teacher. But this cheap backwater is also home to millionaires and luxury casinos... (nope, not Cambodia).

  7. #7
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    ^Turkey?

    Btw does Candy/ Cindy travel light?

  8. #8
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    Buckaroo Banzai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    Not Thailand. I left Thailand a few years back because I am too stingy to put 800,000 baht in a bank account. Besides, 2 of my ex-wives live there.

    Timbuktu demonstrates your ignorance of geography Where is the beach in Mali?

    A cheap backwater? Of course, because I'm a lowly teacher. But this cheap backwater is also home to millionaires and luxury casinos... (nope, not Cambodia).
    I was counting on yours LOL but I am glad to see that you are a step ahead of me. Is it then the sandy beaches of Nepal?
    If that's not it I am all out of ideas.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat Saint Willy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by katie23 View Post
    ^Turkey?
    That was my guess also.

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat russellsimpson's Avatar
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    I'm thinking Portugal.

  11. #11
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    Philippines it must be then.

  12. #12
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    aging one's Avatar
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    ^ Dont think you can get in now. I also dont think Simon would pay for 14 days of quarantine.

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat Fondles's Avatar
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    Some little coastal town in Indonesia is my guess.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    Jamaica.

  15. #15
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    Togo. I think it has a beach.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat Saint Willy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    Well I'm all packed up!
    Quote Originally Posted by Simon43 View Post
    On November 25th, I will fly out of Laos
    That's well organised. Let's hope the police don't detain you before then...

  17. #17
    I am not a cat
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    Greece?

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat
    Simon43's Avatar
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    To increase the clues, this 'country' (there's a clue in itself!) is on the UK index-link pension list, (like Philippines, Greece, Portugal etc, but not Togo!).

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat YourDaddy's Avatar
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    Canada

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat
    Simon43's Avatar
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    As for Candi, that's a very sad story


    Candi was born in China, but couldn't get a passport to travel to meet me in Thailand. So she was expertly smuggled by truck from China to Thailand via Laos. When I moved to Laos, I also had to smuggle her through the Nong Khai border (a feat in itself!). Now, flying out of Laos with minimal luggage, I had to face the hard truth that she couldn't come with me.


    I couldn't leave her to be abused by some pervert Lao police officer. Nor did I want to shamelessly abandon her in a rubbish tip. So one morning, while she was sleeping, I approached her and attacked her with a sharp knife! I beheaded her, and then slowly dismembered her beautiful body, disposing of the evidence after dark with a smoky fire in my garden.


    Oh what a sad time! But I can no doubt find another Chinese companion, thanks to the worldwide smuggling skills of the factory in Shanghai!

  21. #21
    I'm in Jail

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    You're a one-off, Simon...

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by aging one View Post
    ^ Dont think you can get in now. I also dont think Simon would pay for 14 days of quarantine.
    AO is correct. As a foreign tourist, Simon still can't enter PH. Only citizens, former citizens & their families are allowed now, plus some foreigners with visas like diplomats, spouse / resident/ retiree visa.

    @Simon - yeah your UK pension will be indexed linked in PH. You can consider PH for your next country when you're eligible for pension. Hopefully by then, there's no new pandemic!

    I can guarantee the beach & warm weather, as well as typhoons, earthquakes (and the occasional volcanic eruption). As for healthcare, you must pay for it.

    Btw if you want to build a hotel in PH in the future, I can sell you some land. It's near a swamp.

    RIP to Candi....

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Well that's quite the tale.

    Good luck with it all. My guess is somewhere with less law enforcement.

  24. #24
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    Buckaroo Banzai's Avatar
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    A clue. A clue !
    a Blue's clue.

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat
    Simon43's Avatar
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    The clue was 'country' in inverted commas.
    Lots of millionaires (especially Russian millionaires) and casinos
    Great food, cheap living, deserted, sunny beaches, mountains, English widely spoken
    Ham radio 100% allowed, but likely to infuriate neighbouring radio hams

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