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  1. #1
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    Watch Grass Grow With Armstrong

    I love these things. It's the only type of thing I can grow.

    Day 1:

    I was full of excitement and trepidation when Lazada delivered it on a busy weekday afternoon. When questioned by my wife I claimed it was a science project for my daughter. I let her water it to prove my lie but I snuck out later to give it a better watering because my daughter is an idiot who can't grow grass hair as good as I can.

    I went to bed dreaming off grass.

    Watch Grass Grow With Armstrong-img20210904114029-jpg
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    I'd like to see what morning looks like
    Don't wanna drink pint after pint
    I wanna wake up without feeling sick
    But I can't cuz I'm a drug-abusing alcoholic

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat David48atTD's Avatar
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    Do those things work inside, or have to be outside in the sun?

  3. #3
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    Day 2.

    I slowly make myself down the stairs to let the dog out. My eyes are blurry and my head is thick with fog.

    When suddenly I'm awoken by a shriek and a call. THE HAIR HAS GROWN the 7 year old shrieked just a bit too loud, causing my hangover to vibrate down my spine. But she's bloody right. It's grown hair in a day. This is a miracle.


  4. #4
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by David48atTD View Post
    Do those things work inside, or have to be outside in the sun?
    I can't imagine why it wouldn't grow inside as long as it's not locked in a box or something.

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    Day 3. Despite my excitement the previous day I had completely forgotten that this thing existed. That's Mondays for you I guess

    So it was only this early afternoon that I was alerted to what I can only imagine is a gift from God, surely this rabid growth of a seed could not be down to science alone.

    The daughter's named him, but I'm unsure if the name as I wasn't really listening to her, she talks a lot of bollocks and it really takes it out of you.

    He's got hair sprouting from every crevice.

    Suddenly there is hope for the future and something to live for.

    Watch Grass Grow With Armstrong-img20210906172148-jpg
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  6. #6
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    Reminds me of CMN.

  7. #7
    LATHER NICE
    david44's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    Reminds me of CMN.
    Like a Brillo Brazilian harsh yet close.

  8. #8
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    dirk diggler's Avatar
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    I just bought some for my kids, cheers.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat

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    Post a pic of your new lawnmower in the impulse buy thread!

  10. #10
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    Wayne Looney after his first weave

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat helge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by malmomike77 View Post
    Wayne Looney after his first weave


    Yes

    Try to comb it over and paint it orange.

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    I forgot about day 4 but with the flood water lapping at the gate I ventured out to take another picture. Grass head seems to have started growing a beard.

    Watch Grass Grow With Armstrong-img20210908071815-jpg
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  13. #13
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    ^Nice. I'll watch this space. Grass-man (person?) reminds me of the troll dolls.

  14. #14
    Praise Jesus
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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrong View Post
    Watch Grass Grow With Armstrong
    I'll take the excitement up a notch.

    Found an old rotting carrot in the bottom of the fridge yesterday, so after knocking up a carrot soup for the kid, made a biology project by shoving the top into some soil and pouring on some Evian.


    Didn't really expect anything to happen.

    One day later:





    Look at the fooker!


    It's at stage I realized I have no idea how carrots actually grow.

    My best guess is a new root sprouts down from the bottom, the old carrot top eventually withers and falls off to decompose, while the new carrot takes over.


    Gonna feel like a bit of a berk if that isn't the case.

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
    dirk diggler's Avatar
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    I found a trumpet growing at the bottom of my garden. So I rooted it oot.

  16. #16
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    ^^ You won't get carrots from it... but it may flower and then you should get seeds.

    Plant the seeds and maybe you'll get some carrots...

    Or just go to Makro and buy a bag of carrots.

  17. #17
    Praise Jesus
    Edmond's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond View Post
    My best guess is a new root sprouts down from the bottom, the old carrot top eventually withers and falls off to decompose, while the new carrot takes over.


    Gonna feel like a bit of a berk if that isn't the case.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mendip View Post
    You won't get carrots from it
    Edmond the Berk.

    23 Berk's Road.
    Berkville.
    E34K BERK.

  18. #18
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    What a coincidence.

    I was just reading Urban Dictionary, and a trending term is ‘I like girls who eat carrots’.

  19. #19
    Thailand Expat harrybarracuda's Avatar
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    I've got an Avocado stone that's sprouted but every few weeks the leaves die and fall off. Then it sprouts new ones. Then they die. Then it sprouts some more.

    I can't help but feel it is fighting for survival. It is an epic struggle.

  20. #20
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond View Post
    I'll take the excitement up a notch.

    Found an old rotting carrot in the bottom of the fridge yesterday, so after knocking up a carrot soup for the kid, made a biology project by shoving the top into some soil and pouring on some Evian.


    Didn't really expect anything to happen.

    One day later:





    Look at the fooker!


    It's at stage I realized I have no idea how carrots actually grow.

    My best guess is a new root sprouts down from the bottom, the old carrot top eventually withers and falls off to decompose, while the new carrot takes over.


    Gonna feel like a bit of a berk if that isn't the case.
    Nice!! I should try that with the potatoes that have grown arms in my fridge.

  21. #21
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by harrybarracuda View Post
    I've got an Avocado stone that's sprouted but every few weeks the leaves die and fall off. Then it sprouts new ones. Then they die. Then it sprouts some more.

    I can't help but feel it is fighting for survival. It is an epic struggle.
    Sounds like my life to be fair.

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat
    Simon43's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    Reminds me of CMN.
    Reminds me of my sex-doll Candi after a thorough pounding...

  23. #23
    Praise Jesus
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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrong View Post
    I should try that with the potatoes that have grown arms in my fridge.
    Pretty sure I've got an onion that can now open the fridge door.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrong View Post
    I forgot about day 4 but with the flood water lapping at the gate I ventured out to take another picture. Grass head seems to have started growing a beard.

    I fear the paucity hair on his (its is a he?) left side will mean you'll have to leave the top long for a comb over

  25. #25
    Thailand Expat misskit's Avatar
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    The sweet potatoes above the kitchen sink. When they get roots I’ll transplant them.

    Watch Grass Grow With Armstrong-94423c3e-f6e6-45fc-ab3e-67651b9810bd-jpg
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