Originally Posted by
Mendip
I'm sorry about this, and I know I'm a Newbie and all that, but what's convention?
I've now waited a while but nothing official has come through at all.
At one point I was hoping to go for the hatrick... I don't know if that's ever been done before on TeakDoor. I thought I had a chance with my gardener exploit, but the nomination was deleted.
But anyway, this is my claim to the TeakDoor hatrick of POTY, Thread of the Year and Wanker of the Year... that would really be something.
Many years ago I cut my teeth in the offshore industry at a company called Stolt Nielsen in Haugesund, Norway (which has been a great safety net because in times of downturn, Norway always has work). This was the early 90s, I was young and eager to earn good money after my student debts and was of course ruthlessly exploited by a contractor eager to charge a big uplift to a client.
Early one year I finished up a six week offshore job around April and was offered another starting about ten days later. Everyone else wants about equal time off after an offshore trip, but I was greedy back then. I said OK, but don't send me back to Bristol, just send me anywhere else for the ten days off. The personnel guy loved this challenge, back in the days of last minute Ceefax deals on the TV. He sent me on a charter flight from Stavanger, one week, full board and lodging, to Crete. This was cheaper than a scheduled return with KLM back to Bristol.
If you've never been on a Norwegian charter flight, it really is an experience to behold. When the plane lands literally everyone claps... apart from me of course, I was way too cool for that.
Scandinavian package deals go to the top resorts on holiday islands, and after clapping and landing we all went on a coach to some fancy part of Crete... nice hotel... nice everything.
The scenery at the Scandinavian beaches was also top quality.
The first day on the beach, as I lay on my front, all I could see were these lithe, tanned topless Scandinavian beauties with their bouncing perky tits and slim hips and tight bikini bottoms... and...
Anyway, it all got too much for a young, horny offshore worker who'd just come off six weeks on a boat. After a while I waded out into the sea until I was up to my neck in water... maybe 30 or 40 yards, turned around to take in the view... and in full view of the beach, sorted meself out.
And that's it. If you were on a beach holiday in Crete in early 90s and saw a young, handsome...ish guy walk out into the sea until just his head was above water, who then looked back at the beach for a few minutes with a weird grin on his face... then that was me.
If you went swimming that day and came back with something white and gooey stuck in your hair, then I can only apologise. But at least that little mystery is now solved for you!