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  1. #76
    ความรู้ลึกลับ HuangLao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna View Post
    It's telling that because cyrille thought my post was crap, it must have been written by a woman. What a misogynist.
    Or...perhaps, the initial OP subject matter makes these types rather uncomfortable to consider, less discuss lucidly or reasoned....
    Real manly man, and their dominate venues, don't allow themselves to let their false patriarchal/macho guards down, as they might discover something truthful about their character or other less manly things.

    Kudos to Wally and yourself for expressing yourselves alternatively.
    This place could use a few doses of eclectic paths, keeps the balance in place as to extending a larger role.



    Witness the direction/deflection of this 70-some-odd post thread already.
    Quite telling, ain't it?

    Last edited by HuangLao; 15-06-2020 at 05:26 PM.

  2. #77
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    Wally, listen to me : I really think you should straighten out completely. I really feel this strongly.

    No booze, no weed, no anything else, including cigarettes. They are a large part of the problem. You know this is true.

    You will be able to handle your past a lot better if you are straight, and on a health / exercise kick. I know because I am on one right now. I am energized and happy on a deep level, but I am having to deal with crap in my

    private life which upsets me slightly for a few days, but even then, underlying it all, I feel happy. And it wasn't like this previously, trust me.
    Last edited by Latindancer; 15-06-2020 at 05:32 PM.

  3. #78
    The Fool on the Hill bowie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wally Dorian Raffles View Post
    I am sober and clean for the first time in 20 years.
    Quote Originally Posted by Wally Dorian Raffles View Post
    i stay up for days. i eat one meal a day. i smoke up to 3 packs of ciggies. i cannot smile. i am a fucking mess - in a state of shock. i have never felt so hopeless - and that is saying something after 20 dark years.

    OK Wally - are you doing meetings? Best advice I can give you is go to a meeting, NA/AA, get a sponsor and work the program...

    30 meetings in 30 days - work the program, things will fall into place, no it isn't easy, but, then again, neither is life. Good Luck.

  4. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by HuangLao View Post
    Or...perhaps, the initial OP subject matter makes these types rather uncomfortable to consider, less discuss lucidly or reasoned....
    Real manly man, and their dominate venues, don't allow themselves to let their false patriarchal/macho guards down, as they might discover something truthful about their character or other less manly things.

    Kudos to Wally and yourself for expressing yourselves alternatively.
    This place could use a few doses of eclectic paths, keeps the balance in place as to extending a larger role.



    Witness the direction/deflection of this 70-some-odd post thread already.
    Quite telling, ain't it?

    FOJ, Jesus you spout some bullshit.
    In the history of bad advice Nervs advice has got to be in the top three and I don't believe for a minute a therapist would give the same advice.
    'spend the rest of your life expecting her to return and Prepare for her return when her husband dies'?

    (By the way. It's only misogynistic if Nerv ISN'T a woman to suggest it must have been written by a woman)
    If we stop testing right now wed have very few cases, if any. Donald J Trump.

  5. #80
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    ^^ Very good advice from Bowie there. That is HOW you will be able to give up booze, weed, cigarettes.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cujo View Post

    (By the way. It's only misogynistic if Nerv ISN'T a woman to suggest it must have been written by a woman)
    What if Nev is a trannie ?

  6. #81
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    What if Nev is a trannie ?
    ...don't get yer hopes up...

  7. #82
    Thailand Expat raycarey's Avatar
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    well, i've just received a PM which insists that this thread is not a troll.

    i still have my doubts....but if it's legit.....

    wally, go seek professional help from a psychiatrist, psychologist or counselor.

    that's the best advice you're going to get on this thread because no one here is qualified to help someone with the issues you're dealing with.

  8. #83
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    By the way, Wally....did you ever see Cujo's thread about his transformation due to riding a bicycle ? Or did you miss it ? It is truly (and I'm not kidding here) an astonishing transformation. He wasn't just a fat fuck....he was middle-aged and pear-shaped. It was a world-class transformation. Photos and all were amazing. I would never have thought it possible, given his age and pear shape. He didn't just lose weight....he put on muscle.

  9. #84
    Thailand Expat peaches's Avatar
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    G’day Wally, do me a favor and YouTube stoicism.

    ........you might get something out of it.

  10. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by HuangLao View Post
    Or...perhaps, the initial OP subject matter makes these types rather uncomfortable to consider, less discuss lucidly or reasoned....
    Real manly man, and their dominate venues, don't allow themselves to let their false patriarchal/macho guards down, as they might discover something truthful about their character or other less manly things.

    Kudos to Wally and yourself for expressing yourselves alternatively.
    This place could use a few doses of eclectic paths, keeps the balance in place as to extending a larger role.



    Witness the direction/deflection of this 70-some-odd post thread already.
    Quite telling, ain't it?

    Well said, Jeff.

    Let it all out Wally and share away even with these forum tossers. It will give you the strength to go on.

    Ever wonder why most of forum members are psychopaths?

    from google

    Research has found that in addition to being self-soothing, shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins. These chemicals make people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain. In this way, crying can help reduce pain and promote a sense of well-being

  11. #86
    Thailand Expat raycarey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YourDaddy View Post
    Well said, Jeff.
    red owed.

  12. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    By the way, Wally....did you ever see Cujo's thread about his transformation due to riding a bicycle ? Or did you miss it ? It is truly (and I'm not kidding here) an astonishing transformation. He wasn't just a fat fuck....he was middle-aged and pear-shaped. It was a world-class transformation. Photos and all were amazing. I would never have thought it possible, given his age and pear shape. He didn't just lose weight....he put on muscle.
    Thanks LD but a more relevant point is how it has changed my outlook. I've always been a relatively positive person but I have maintained the cycling/running/ gym regime and I find after a session I feel positively elated. More positive than usual, happier and perhaps more to Wallys case , Optimistic. More optimistic than I have a right to be under the current circumstances to tell the truth.
    Exercise releases serotonin and dopamine, natural anti depressants. It really works which is why I have said on this thread, never mind Nervs crazy ideas.
    Get a bike and go hard for an hour a day. (at least) Or just run.

  13. #88
    Custom user Neverna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cujo View Post
    It's only misogynistic if Nerv ISN'T a woman to suggest it must have been written by a woman
    Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    What if Nev is a trannie ?
    Are you getting a stiffy, Prancer?


  14. #89
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna View Post
    Woof. Misogynist.
    OK so you insist my comment be stripped from its context.

    And you think it's me channelling buttplug.

    Obviously just about anyone would like the idea of being married to someone and also being the object of a third person's undying desire.

    Especially if the third person had previously dumped him/her.

    In this case it would be a woman being wanted by two men.

    So the idea of a woman being married to one man and desired by another for 40 years would appeal to a woman.

    Hence, no man would have made that post.

    Your excessively spiky reaction to this just proves me right.

    True Love: Have you ever had it?-giphy-gif-cid-ecf05e475e9c06a2b820e4a7aaf126ccd79c4c3b9d65346b-rid-giphy
    Last edited by cyrille; 15-06-2020 at 07:03 PM. Reason: typo

  15. #90
    Thailand Expat
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    TD rule numba one...

    Do not reveal personal data as it will be used against you.

  16. #91
    Custom user Neverna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    So the idea of a woman being married to one man and desired by another for 40 years would appeal to a woman.
    I didn't say or imply it would appeal to a woman or to me, or indeed to every man. The idea was aimed at Wally and his particular situation. It may not appeal to him either, and given that his shrink has already suggested it to him, he has probably rejected it already. That is entirely his choice.

    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    Hence, no man would have made that post.
    You mean you could have never thought of it because it does not appeal to you and you are a man so therefore no other man could think of it so it must be a woman's idea. Right!

    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    Your excessively spiky reaction to this just proves me right.
    A self-declared internet win. Well done, cyrille!



    And spiky reactions only come from women? Keep digging, cyrille!

    Nev has style

  17. #92
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    You Go Girl!



    Seriously though, Nevetta, you can be anything you want on here as far as I’m concerned.

    No matter how obtuse your ‘reasoning’.

    There are no winners or losers.

  18. #93
    Thailand Expat peaches's Avatar
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    So , is this a Mexican stand-off ?

  19. #94
    Elite Mumbler
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    Wally, it sounds like you are suffering from benzo withdrawal. A class of drugs that is fairly easy to quit, but the side effects of withdrawal last for years. I would start with treating that.

  20. #95
    Thailand Expat TheRealKW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wally Dorian Raffles View Post
    Actually, she instigated the meeting. I called her and told her l still loved her and to say goodbye. i never expected to see her or call her again. i told her this, but she said that she wanted to be "best friends". i never expected her to want to meet me. she is exhausted from taking care of her family. i get the feeling she is not as happy as she tries to make out.

    The same "mate" was caught peeping through our window as we made love. not once - but many times - he apparently stood there for hours and masturbated. i found out this from my neighbor . he would go to my home when he knew i was at work and she was there alone waiting for me. he begged me for her number after we broke up. yes - i took the drugs - but i kept telling him to stop bringing them over. he was obsessed with her. he married a woman 10 years older "for her money and contacts". he was a fucking asshole. i actually knew him from australia - we were not close mates, but he was one of my only mates during those early years in tokyo. i never understood such horrible people existed. he purposely sabotaged my life because i had something better than he did. one evil mother fucker. btw, his father was murdered when he was a kid. A "mate" stabbed him to death in a pub in Oz. It was over a girl. A chip off the old block, it seems..

    you dont understand the connection with childhood trauma. i should have told him to fuck off out of my life but i did not due to a horrendous childhood that made me really afraid of confrontation. I used to get such bad anxiety i would feel like i would pass out.

    Not interested in tinder or hookers. again - related to trauma that was not recognised at the time. people are different. what works for you may not work for others. the title of the thread sums it up i feel. for me - for the person i am - she was perfect for me and i loved her very much. she loved me very much too. she told me she still does - which she would not say if she did not mean it - i know her. i have been a mess since the day i pushed her away. i broke her heart too.

    i am fucked with a capital FUCK.

    maybe she needs rescuing then?

    go for it!

  21. #96
    Never Mind The Bollix
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna View Post
    Perhaps her husband will become ill and pass away or even die...
    Do you know which way he walks to work Wally?

    Scout out the pedestrian crossings and rent a Landcruiser with bull bars for the day and remove the plates.

  22. #97
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    Always good to have suggestions he won’t have heard from psychiatrists.

  23. #98
    Head Skivvie Stacker Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    Excuse my asking, but does your youngest son have a disability, Storekeeper ? 35 does seem a bit old to be still paying child support....
    No, none. Both of them are superbly healthy specimens. I could have ended the child support years ago. My posts is just a minor show of support for Wally.

    He kinda sounds like the limp dick male version of Za though.

  24. #99
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    Hi Wally,
    I decided to write my thoughts even though I don't post much if at all on here anymore due to some totally ignorant people inhabiting this forum..

    However, I think it is only you that can hold yourself back from moving forward. Get clean, get help and then realize that life moves on. Who's to say you'll never meet someone else that makes you feel the way you did 20 years ago with your ex. You ultimately die alone, so you need to focus on doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Some people tend to just wallow in pity and negativity and can never move on or change their thinking. It is possible to change your life you just need to move past your past.

    I read this quote somewhere, “Failure doesn't define you. It's what you do after you fail that determines whether you are a leader or a waste of perfectly good air.”
    It is more your will to live and be better that will move you past this. You really have to learn to love yourself, before you can love another human being and it seems like you haven't quite done that and forgiven yourself, dear. You can do this and thrive, you just have to believe it.

  25. #100
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    Thanks for all of the advice.

    I quit benzos about 3 years ago. It was tough. I went back to Australia, and was taking 4 pills a day prescibed by my japanese doc. the pills were not available in Oz. I freaked out when i ran out. i found them available in india. i ordered 1000. by the time they arrived i was over the worst of the withdrawals. i never even opened the box and ended up throwing them out.

    yes - exercise is what i need to do. i know as it has helped me in the past. but i just dont have energy right now. smoking too many ciggies, not eating right and difficulty sleeping means i always feel exhausted.

    i never stop thinking about her. i sent her an email yesterday - asking if she has told me that she still loves me was true - or if she was just trying to make me feel better because i am depressed. she is very honest - she told me that she has been honest. but we did not marry, so there is not much we can do about that now. she says she does not get much love from her family. she says that she feels my love and it gives her strength. the more i correspond with her, the more l realize just how big my fuck up was.

    i dont have any love in my life besides from her - even though i cannot be with her. i know it is pathetic. but she is giving me strength. my shrink knows that - and is encouraging me to keep in touch with her.

    she is instigating our next meeting. last time i saw her i sang love songs i wrote for her years ago. we were always very romantic.

    i write her fairy tale love stories. i write her love poems.

    after all of these years i still miss her dearly.

    i really screwed myself up by not taking that final step and exchanging vows . i broke her heart too.

    we are both sensitive souls. we gave each other strength. she is a typical practical japanese girl and moved on - but i have been in limbo for 20 years. it is fucking terrifying facing the truth of what i did back then - and how i spent the last 20 years. i know most people would have moved on long ago. i am a romantic at heart - i pledged that i would always love her - and i will. i just made a monumental fuck up by not marrying her and spending my life with her. FUCK.

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