Page 11 of 22 FirstFirst ... 34567891011121314151617181921 ... LastLast
Results 251 to 275 of 547
  1. #251
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    Today @ 03:15 PM
    Location
    Reality.
    Posts
    30,056
    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap View Post
    Sorry to hear you're going through a tough one mate - are you on the requisite meds?
    He's trying to stop self medicating but yes, I'm sure there are some serotonin boosters a doc could supply.
    Years ago I went through a stage of deep depression. Starnge as no real reason for it but I went to a doctor and he prescribed me some meds. They stopped the depression but also anything else, Any other feeling or emotion. I was just bland.
    I stopped them after a week or so and I was right as rain a couple of weeks after that but the I didn't have the miserable childhood Wally did.
    Wait a minute, it was during your childhood wally. Time to forgive your parents and get on with life.
    When you went to volunteer did you tell them any of your woes?
    If we stop testing right now wed have very few cases, if any. Donald J Trump.

  2. #252
    IV
    Wally Dorian Raffles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    23-07-2020 @ 06:41 AM
    Location
    Location: Location: Three sausages went to the station, and wound up at immigration!
    Posts
    6,283
    Quote Originally Posted by Cujo View Post
    Christ almighty that's a bit rough mate. What a miserable childhood. I can see how something like that would haunt you through life. Your parents sound like a right pair of koonts. Are they still around?
    Yes. They are still around. Still getting pissed every day. Still ignorant as fuck. Have not seen them much over the past 25 years though.

  3. #253
    IV
    Wally Dorian Raffles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    23-07-2020 @ 06:41 AM
    Location
    Location: Location: Three sausages went to the station, and wound up at immigration!
    Posts
    6,283
    Quote Originally Posted by Cujo View Post
    He's trying to stop self medicating but yes, I'm sure there are some serotonin boosters a doc could supply.
    Years ago I went through a stage of deep depression. Starnge as no real reason for it but I went to a doctor and he prescribed me some meds. They stopped the depression but also anything else, Any other feeling or emotion. I was just bland.
    I stopped them after a week or so and I was right as rain a couple of weeks after that but the I didn't have the miserable childhood Wally did.
    Wait a minute, it was during your childhood wally. Time to forgive your parents and get on with life.
    When you went to volunteer did you tell them any of your woes?
    No, did not mention my woes at volunteer place - l did find it hard to be happy and jovial though, which l suppose is the kind of person they prefer.

    I was on antidepressants for quite a few years - they had the same effect on me. Took away all emotions ...
    A common side effect is sexual disfunction - which was all l needed when l wanted to try and put myself back on the market. I stopped them eventually - went to a compounding pharmacist and had them make me weaning off doses as stopping them quickly made me freak out. Have been on milder ones which are not SSRI for a few years - they seemed to have far fewer side effects though l crashed again recently. in hindsight, i think the side effects are not worth it and they dont do a hell of a lot anyway. drug companies love them, dont they .... originally made to be taken for 6 weeks or so, but as they dont make weaning off doses people end up on them for all of their lives.

  4. #254
    IV
    Wally Dorian Raffles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    23-07-2020 @ 06:41 AM
    Location
    Location: Location: Three sausages went to the station, and wound up at immigration!
    Posts
    6,283
    Quote Originally Posted by Cujo View Post
    Wait a minute, it was during your childhood wally. Time to forgive your parents and get on with life.
    I have REALLY tried. I tell them l forgive them. But sometimes l feel really angry at them still. I just stay away from them for the most part.

  5. #255
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    12,375
    ...so, how's your brother doing?...

  6. #256
    IV
    Wally Dorian Raffles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    23-07-2020 @ 06:41 AM
    Location
    Location: Location: Three sausages went to the station, and wound up at immigration!
    Posts
    6,283
    Quote Originally Posted by tomcat View Post
    ...so, how's your brother doing?...
    Had a very troubled life too - but very positive on the outside. He was prostituting himself to men when he was about 12 ( i found out years later). Drug abuse for many years. Covered in tattoos - all the typical self abuse. He moved to Florida, USA about 25 years ago. Built up a multi-million $ marine engineer business. lost it though the GFC and too much cocaine. Cleaned himself up, was just building up his business again when covid hit. I hear hev is not taking it well.

    We made a pact when l was 10 and he was 8. Never get married, never have kids. Neither of us did.

  7. #257
    Member
    Edmond's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Jomtien.
    Posts
    726
    Love yourself.

    Forget the past, move into the future happily.

  8. #258
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    20,348
    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond View Post
    Love yourself.
    You don't need to consummate it every day though, Eddie.

  9. #259
    Your local I.Q. Monitor
    Hugh Cow's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Last Online
    Today @ 11:04 AM
    Location
    Qld/Bangkok
    Posts
    2,653
    Wally I had a friend who had a very abusive upbringing his siblings ended up in jail, drug addicts or both. He found help in his 20s in a group who were abused as children ran by a psychologist I think from memory. I remember him telling me he was so scared of his father he would piss himself. He found the help he needed and has turned his life around. Maybe it will help you in a group with people with similar experiences to move on. It's not always about forgiveness, sometimes its about acceptance of the past and moving on, but you need help to do so. Again whoever you have is not doing it for you. Speak to organisations that help abused children and see if they can recommend a good therapist. Again I wish you luck. Some parents should be sterylised.

  10. #260
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    12,375
    Quote Originally Posted by Hugh Cow View Post
    Some parents should be sterylised.
    ...indeed...or even storylised like in this thread...

  11. #261
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    Today @ 03:15 PM
    Location
    Reality.
    Posts
    30,056
    It's hard to imagine your kids being terrified and traumatized by you. I'm sure those of us with kids love and protect them and are pretty much horrified by this.
    Whatever makes a parent treat their kids like that. (And there are plenty of stories, we read about them nearly every day).

  12. #262
    Thailand Expat raycarey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    14,334
    Quote Originally Posted by Cujo View Post
    Whatever makes a parent treat their kids like that. (And there are plenty of stories, we read about them nearly every day).
    wtf are you reading?

  13. #263
    Thailand Expat
    bsnub's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    21,020
    A mess this is.

  14. #264
    En route
    Cujo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Last Online
    Today @ 03:15 PM
    Location
    Reality.
    Posts
    30,056
    Quote Originally Posted by raycarey View Post
    wtf are you reading?
    The news.

  15. #265
    Thailand Expat
    bsnub's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    21,020
    Quote Originally Posted by Cujo View Post
    The news.

  16. #266
    Member
    knowsitlike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Last Online
    13-08-2020 @ 11:08 PM
    Location
    Bangkok
    Posts
    595
    I don’t post often here especially about such topics but just to share my two cents:



    • You are still here! Life fires bullets at us sometimes but you have faced machine guns that would take most people down, for that you should be incredibly proud. Handling trauma for decades and managing to keep on going is a testament to you and your strength, it would have killed most people and to share your account is an inspiration not a desperation.
    • Medicine of the mind is like medicine of the body, primarily it relies on belief in the treatment, the Doctor and yourself. Everyone needs to find the right support at points in their life and to untie your heavy past will mean you need someone you really trust. So change your helper to someone who clearly wants to understand you- perhaps look online to someone from ‘back home’ as remote web calls etc can be just as helpful and these people may understand more of the context of your history and background rather than someone brought up in another country and culture.
    • As part of that then your brother sounds like he also really needs a shoulder and this might be the time to move your life’s closer together to support each other- Covid has made everyone realise the value of the family they can trust, he is maybe the only other person who really knows what you have been through and he probably needs you more than ever
    • Keep going, you have made it through the worst and now as you are looking forward the steps you’ve taken are tiring you, those footprints reminding how far you’ve been and through what you came. But swing those legs and take the next steps to find your own purpose, remembering and building on your strength as you’ve more than proved it through the dark days, it can actually become an asset of motivation that very few people have and drive you further than anyone. Find and build on joy that can come from any corner once you allow yourself to open your field of vision, it will be a potent force once you see the future and realise what you can bring to others with your life’s experience



    You don’t need luck, as you’ve dodged all the bullets now it’s time to do something positive with all that strength and so that you can look back one day and be proud

  17. #267
    IV
    Wally Dorian Raffles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Last Online
    23-07-2020 @ 06:41 AM
    Location
    Location: Location: Three sausages went to the station, and wound up at immigration!
    Posts
    6,283
    ^ thank you so much for your kind words knowsitlike. Yes - l have been told many times by professionals that most people with similar upbringings end up dead, in prison or on heroin, etc. I have been told l am strong, etc. But I don't feel strong. Getting used to massive amounts of anxiety from a very early age meant l never knew any different. My crazy mother used to get super pissed off if l told her that i could not sleep/ that my heart was beating too fast, or whatever else was wrong. looking back, i think she knew if i was taken to a doctor her abuse would be exposed. So l just never knew any different. Moving to Japan when l was 24 was the best thing that ever happened to me. l could sleep. The stutter i developed at 10 years of age just disappeared. I flourished for quite a few years.

    I think it was really bad timing when the wedding approached as the trauma was beginning to emerge. Apparently mental health services where overwhelmed 20/30 years after the Vietnam war as the trauma cycle takes around that time. Things were going well . I felt safe - so the trauma that was locked away began to surface. I was nervous before the wedding, and unfortunately only confided in one person - the person who had a sick fascination for my fiance and was extremely jealous. I was weak and took his drugs - and felt relaxed - as one would taking massive doses of valium every day ... and then took all kinds of drugs he brought over. became hooked, and never got her back. i knew i was fucked up. i thought i would clean myself and get her back, but i went into an oblivion that lasted 3 years ...

    so yes - moving forward. i just dont have any fight. everything you said makes sense. give back - help people, all of that. i have tried that. even now i teach elementary school. i make the kids laugh. they praise me - so do my japanese colleagues . but i walk out of school and tears run down my face as i just dont know what to do with myself. i should be well settled down. my own kids - surrounded by love. just like we planned. she is a banker. she is an extremely gentle person - even for japanese. many japanese girls are neurotic in ways. pretentious . just downright annoying - but she was very special. i just know i blew my only chance of love. i seriously dont feel i can ever be close to anybody again. the incidents with the pedophile made it very difficult to be intimate. my little brother went the opposite way and is bisexual and known for drug fueled orgies.

    i have a pragmatic mind. i weigh up my options. i am unwell - i am working a low paid job - i am 53. i am extremely alone. have way too much baggage. i am still very much in love with somebody i cannot be with. every day is like groundhog day. wake - cry - cry - go to work - get through (just) - finish work, cry, cry, try to eat. take sleeping pills. have restless sleep - dreaming of her - wake, cry, repeat.

    i have a plan to end it all. i have tried a few times but wont fuck it up next time. my number is up. i will die of a broken heart - which is better than 20 more years living with one.

    flame away..

  18. #268
    Thailand Expat
    beerlaodrinker's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Last Online
    13-08-2020 @ 10:13 AM
    Location
    vientiane
    Posts
    6,737
    Not gonna flame mate. But please dont do that. Your story is shocking and amazing at the same time. Its probably the wrong platform to reach out .. but if posting helps to get it out of yer head then post away . I dont judge. Your story is incredibly sad. You come across as an intelligent guy that got damaged. . Welcome To Pm.me.if you want. Please dont do what your suggesting

  19. #269
    Pedantic bastard
    nidhogg's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    15,697
    I simply have no idea of what you are going through. The only thing I can suggest is that as you are able to post about your trauma and sadness, a different forum MAY be able to offer help and support that is needed. I had a quick look around and found this one, that I think is Aussies based:

    Online forums

    or this one:

    Suicide Forum - Live Chat & Online Support For Suicidal Feelings

    Hope you can find some suitable support, or even just an audience that gets where you are coming from.

  20. #270
    Thailand Expat
    Latindancer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Last Online
    Today @ 03:12 PM
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    12,808
    I agree....of course !

    Don't do anything destructive towards yourself, Wally....please.

  21. #271
    Thailand Expat TheRealKW's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    3,128
    Quote Originally Posted by Wally Dorian Raffles View Post
    have a plan to end it all. i have tried a few times but wont fuck it up next time. my number is up. i will die of a broken heart - which is better than 20 more years living with one.
    That's messed up, Wally. Don't.

  22. #272
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Last Online
    @
    Posts
    12,375
    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    Don't do anything destructive towards yourself, Wally
    ...have you been reading this thread? He's already well into self-destruction, mental if not physical...in fact, and not to sound heartless, I'm beginning to think Wally enjoys the pity wallow...I would have been more sympathetic if this thread had ground to a halt on page 4...but here we are on page 11 and ol' Wally's story has been continually repeated and all suggestions for help turned away...we need some closure here...either an epiphany from Wally concerning his state of mind or...something else...
    Majestically enthroned amid the vulgar herd

  23. #273
    Thailand Expat
    beerlaodrinker's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Last Online
    13-08-2020 @ 10:13 AM
    Location
    vientiane
    Posts
    6,737
    Quote Originally Posted by tomcat View Post
    ...have you been reading this thread? He's already well into self-destruction, mental if not physical...in fact, and not to sound heartless, I'm beginning to think Wally enjoys the pity wallow...I would have been more sympathetic if this thread had ground to a halt on page 4...but here we are on page 11 and ol' Wally's story has been continually repeated and all suggestions for help turned away...we need some closure here...either an epiphany from Wally concerning his state of mind or...something else...
    You should just stick to the dinner threads Tomcat. Are you honestly devoid of empathy and compassion for the bloke? In what is obviously a dark place he is in mentally. When we get to page 12 and ol wally stopped posting does that mean he topped himself? Some members here know him so its kinda beyond suspicion that theres trolling or self pitying going on. The guy is reaching out . From a dark place. Feel very sorry for him

  24. #274
    Member
    Edmond's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Last Online
    @
    Location
    Jomtien.
    Posts
    726
    Chin up Wally.


    Lifeline | TELL Japan

    Give these guys a call.


    PM me your details if you feel like a chat.

  25. #275
    Thailand Expat
    Dragonfly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Last Online
    22-07-2020 @ 11:11 PM
    Posts
    14,551
    someone is suffering from clinic depression, can be cured with the right medical protocol, and the right diet

    drinks, and drugs for depressed people are an explosive cocktail to complete their self-destruction

    also staying in Thailand, an hostile environment for someone in that condition, is not a good way to get out of depression, that person should go back ASAP to his native country, things will only be better there

Page 11 of 22 FirstFirst ... 34567891011121314151617181921 ... LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •