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  1. #226
    Thailand Expat TheRealKW's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheRealKW View Post
    No, speaking with her, meeting for for 8 hours in the park, professing your love for her, continuing to contact her is the fool part, not the sharing on an anonymous forum.


    18-06-2020 07:52 AM
    Latindancer
    Thread: True Love: Have you ever had it?
    What would a proven fuckwit like you know ?


    So you think meeting someone else's wife in teh park for 8 hours, messaging her after 20 years and professing your undying TRUE love, pining for a dream is a not foolish!?

    Oh, and BTW - is your ignore button broken again?

  2. #227
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    today is the first day of the rest of your life.
    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    Almost anything is possible, if you do it step by step
    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer View Post
    You can achieve so much in the future.
    ...Hallmark calling on line 1...

  3. #228
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    Quote Originally Posted by hallelujah View Post
    This is truly painful to read.

    I'm sorry, but you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with your fucking life. You're a big boy now, so stop being such a wet wimp, get out into the big wide world and FIND SOMEONE NEW.

    You're 53 years old. Your life is not over because of a woman you split up with 20 years ago.
    The next 20 years will go by much quicker then it will be all over.
    As someone once said, you're only one decision away from a different life.

  4. #229
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Yeah... Not convinced that taking advice on relationships from Prancer -- a man who is verbally and possibly physically abusive to his partners -- is advisable.

  5. #230
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    Exactly....especially this part :

    "You're 53 years old. Your life is not over because of a woman you split up with 20 years ago".

  6. #231
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheRealKW View Post
    This.
    Although to be honest he's a bit of a misery guts and would probably bore to death anyone new with his tale of lost love.

  7. #232
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    How cum Cyrille stopped giving advice on this thread? His input is always welcome.

  8. #233
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    "Regret" is possibly the most damaging thing that human beings can attach themselves to (other than Guilt).

    What Wally is going through is not an easy road to walk, but that being said, it also entirely in his head.

    Wally, I don't know you other than you're just another semi-regular poster on a backwater Thai-centric shitfest carnival of a forum, but I can empathize with your situation.

    Despite your misgivings after posting your story, there is actually some fantastic advice on here, and you probably see that.

    But...

    Advice is not what you're really looking for, you're looking for pain relief. As many of us are. The regret and blame you hold onto is killing you. It is poisonous, it will make you suffer. Advice is not the antidote for this.

    Ask yourself this question: How do I eliminate regret in my life?

    Find the answer to that, you will be free.

    And yeah, don't be a homewrecker either. (I've been on both sides of that, it ends badly for everyone).

  9. #234
    Thailand Expat tomcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agent_Smith View Post
    Ask yourself this question: How do I eliminate regret in my life?

    Find the answer to that, you will be free.
    ...you will also be rich...

  10. #235
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wally Dorian Raffles View Post
    i now understand i was unwell with trauma surfacing at the time. but instead of using her love to help me through i took drugs. yes, it was my fault - but i would have stayed on path if not for the cnut who went to extreme lengths to break us up
    As soon as you start to get it, you go back to blaming your mate again.

    Feel good for your ex, she had a lucky escape!

    Go back to writing your children’s books, but fwiw I would not let a fuck up like you anywhere near kids!

  11. #236
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iceman123 View Post
    fwiw I would not let a fuck up like you anywhere near kids!
    The way so many of you lot get so prim and self righteous about teachers is pretty funny.

    I suspect it comes from never being in the same room as one after the age of thirteen.


    EDIT: In this case though, I must say those story books are still traumatising.
    Last edited by cyrille; 18-06-2020 at 11:57 AM.

  12. #237
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    I think you are being harsh, Iceman. His "mate" seemed pretty destructive by bringing around all those drugs.

    And I don't think you are helping him at all in his depressed state at the momment by referring to himm as a fuk-up. That will only drive his mood further down.

    We need to give him encouragement to rise above his current lows, rather than challenge him as some here have done....he is in a fragile state right now.

  13. #238
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer
    I think you are being harsh, Iceman. His "mate" seemed pretty destructive by bringing around all those drugs.

    And I don't think you are helping him at all in his depressed state at the momment by referring to himm as a fuk-up. That will only drive his mood further down.

    We need to give him encouragement to rise above his current lows, rather than challenge him as some here have done....he is in a fragile state right now.
    ...So that means you won't be threatening him with violence or wishing misery, misfortune or death on him then you sanctimonious hypocritical cnut?

    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  14. #239
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    Wally Dorian Raffles's Avatar
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    ^^ thanks LD. You have been really nice to me here - good advice and nice pms.

    The guy was a fucking psycho. I never believed such people existed. I did not know many foreigners back then. He went to massive lengths to break us up - al because of a sick facsination he had for her. I should have clocked him when he was caught peeping through the window.

    I was doing well in all ways except anxiety attacks - the drugs he gave me stopped them for a little while - then they were worse - i took more, more and just went off course. the regret for doing that is too much..

    i have been working with kids for years. i never really understood why, but i am really good at it. apparently people who were abused as kids often are - because you have a knack to pick out that kid that has troubles and give the support needed. to imply that i am a danger to kids is just wrong iceman . but i understand where you are coming from - pedos often come from the same background. that aint me though ... it effects people in different ways. it made me emotionally sensitive. she was/is too. that is why we were so close. we often talked about how the world is full of cnuts, liars, etc. we felt safe with each other ... god i miss that feeling..

  15. #240
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    Wally, I wish you well. As Agent Smith posted, the issue seems to be entirely in your head. And that's why it is so hard for you. Lots of posters have offered advice but in the end it is you who have to proceed and make any decisions on what to do. You need a plan and then to follow it. You don''t have to post your plan here but by thinking about it in some depth and planning your course of action, it will be easier to follow and therefore easier to get to where you want to be, however long that takes. Perhaps pouring your heart out on TD is part of your plan or perhaps it's just something you need to do right now to get you through a difficult period but whatever, your future and your destiny is in your hands only. Be proactive and make your destiny something you want rather than something that simply happens to you. I wish you good luck but it is much better for you to make your own "luck" by way of your own decisions and your actions.
    Last edited by Neverna; 18-06-2020 at 01:19 PM. Reason: typo
    Nev has style

  16. #241
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    Wally Dorian Raffles's Avatar
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    ^ Thanks Nev. Much appreciated. It's hard making plans with such deep depression. I only have one plan right now ... it's all I think about . Scares the shit out of me.

  17. #242
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    Agent Smith, Neverna, other posters and myself can all assure you that it is all in your head....not objective truth. And as you are scared shitless of that thought or plan you mentioned, ignore it. It's not good, Wally.

    Your future is vast and there are many possibilities. Try to think of a few....

  18. #243
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    Wally I respect you bearing yourself like that but you need to find a therapist that can help you as the current one certainly isn't. Many of us have someone that we think "what if" from time to time but we all must get on with our life. Don't waste it. Nev, respect man for posting something you believed. I'm sure you knew you would get hammered by some posters on this forum for that post.
    Life is precious and we only get one shot Wally. Help out and volunteer at a dogs home or an orphanage or an old folks home. Channel that emotional energy into helping others. You may find it helps, good luck.

  19. #244
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    Wally Dorian Raffles's Avatar
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    ^^ i have distracted myself for years with "plans". at the end of the day reality has finally hit. just feel its all too late. feel i am too fucked up. useless. nowhere else to run to. all over, red rover.

  20. #245
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hugh Cow View Post
    Nev, respect man for posting something you believed. I'm sure you knew you would get hammered by some posters on this forum for that post.
    Thanks, Hugh. It was meant as an option that would allow Wally to deal mentally with the situation he is in now, allow him to move forward with his life while not interfering with the lives of the married woman and her family. Wally would feel in a better place mentally, with positive feelings and something to look forward to. My suggestion does not rule out other options, suggestions or activities happening concurrently (like taking up a new sport, writing more books, doing volunteer work, becoming an artist or even a keyboard warrior) but Wally's life would be able proceed in a way that wasn't scaring the shit out of him.

  21. #246
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    Wally Dorian Raffles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hugh Cow View Post
    Wally I respect you bearing yourself like that but you need to find a therapist that can help you as the current one certainly isn't. Many of us have someone that we think "what if" from time to time but we all must get on with our life. Don't waste it. Nev, respect man for posting something you believed. I'm sure you knew you would get hammered by some posters on this forum for that post.
    Life is precious and we only get one shot Wally. Help out and volunteer at a dogs home or an orphanage or an old folks home. Channel that emotional energy into helping others. You may find it helps, good luck.
    Thank you. It's been 20 fucking years already. 20 years severely dissociated from reality. Now l have clarity - but just more bad memories. l went to a volunteer last week actually. l googled and found one close by. i turned up there and they interviewed me. i felt really depressed. completely lost. hard to believe my life has come to this. they havent gotten back to me. i am thinking i did not make the best impression...

    i keep banging on about my childhood. it really was horrendous. years of physical abuse. my dad used to whip me with a fucking camel whip when i was 5 years old. i remember having massive anxiety attacks then - gasping for air - my dad would laugh and mock me. my mother was drunk everyday and used to give me hidings when nobody else was around. she started this when i was very small. i would hyperventilate with anxiety attacks. she would accuse me of acting and hit harder. the last hiding she gave me i was 26 years old!! - attacked my head violently 3 times over the space of a week - i went back to japan and did not go home for 10 years - when i was depressed after losing the only person who i felt love from. i was tough until that point - always happy - never letting shit get me down - people loved me for my positive outlook and sense of humour.
    when i returned to oz depressed over the girl, memories of my mothers beatings came back. i confronted her. she lied - said it never happened. i moved to thailand and started a 17 year drinking binge - still, i was happy on the outside, as the posters who i met here will testify.

    when i was kidnapped by a pedophile age 10, i ran home and told my mum. she got angry and belted shit out of me for getting in the car with the guy - who she knew - and who told her nothing happened. not only did she believe him, she organized for him to sleep in the same bedroom as my little brother and i where he assualted both of us again. i told my dad. he was pissed. he forgot. only words were 'dont tell your mother'. the pedophile was murdered not long after - by a 14 year old kid who he wasc also molesting. my brother and i thought our dad killed him. so i believed my dad was a murderer until just a few years ago when i found out the truth. my bother and i never told anybody - afraid our dad would go to prison.

    that is how the cnut "mate" was able to manipulate me . i used to get anxiety attacks in potential confrontations. because of this i did not tell the cnut to get the fuck out of my life.

    -----felt i had to explain that -- but yeah, i was strong and productive for many years. if i had of stayed on pathb and married her, the trauma would have surfaced but i think i would have been okay ..

  22. #247
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wally Dorian Raffles View Post
    ^^ i have distracted myself for years with "plans". at the end of the day reality has finally hit. just feel its all too late. feel i am too fucked up. useless. nowhere else to run to. all over, red rover.
    One of the symptoms of depression is overload - too much to think about, too much to do, you don't know where to start and it all seems to overwhelm - so that small steps thing is crucial, once you feel you are making progress things don't feel so impossible - its the daily introspection and beating yourself up on lack of progress that compounds the problem.

    You have said you bury yourself in business and projects so that proves you can get stuff done and progress things, you need to turn the focus on the things you have been avoiding, perhaps get someone alongside you for support - a good friend or someone professional.

  23. #248
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    Quote Originally Posted by NamPikToot View Post
    One of the symptoms of depression is overload - too much to think about, too much to do, you don't know where to start and it all seems to overwhelm - so that small steps thing is crucial, once you feel you are making progress things don't feel so impossible - its the daily introspection and beating yourself up on lack of progress that compounds the problem.

    You have said you bury yourself in business and projects so that proves you can get stuff done and progress things, you need to turn the focus on the things you have been avoiding, perhaps get someone alongside you for support - a good friend or someone professional.
    Thanks. That is why i went to the volunteer center last weekend. i threw away my previous businesses. i have taken a low paid teaching job just to get basck to my old neighborhood. now i am here i can see i was just trying to turn back time by coming here. i just dont know what else to do. i came here 25 years ago to get away from my abvusive family. ... going back there from 2016 -2019 reminded me of that. so i never want to go there again. i just emailed my shrink. i told him bluntly that what he is doing is not working and asked for a new lan of attack.

    to add to my previous post - whenever i stood up to my parents - it got worse. that is why the cnut was able to push me around. i have only just realized that. its so fucking hard to take. we were going to move to yokohama after the wedding - far away from all of the drugs in the area. i told her many times how i just wanted to be with her and do the right thing. i was so fucking close ....

  24. #249
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    Sorry to hear you're going through a tough one mate - are you on the requisite meds?

  25. #250
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wally Dorian Raffles View Post
    Thank you. It's been 20 fucking years already. 20 years severely dissociated from reality. Now l have clarity - but just more bad memories. l went to a volunteer last week actually. l googled and found one close by. i turned up there and they interviewed me. i felt really depressed. completely lost. hard to believe my life has come to this. they havent gotten back to me. i am thinking i did not make the best impression...

    i keep banging on about my childhood. it really was horrendous. years of physical abuse. my dad used to whip me with a fucking camel whip when i was 5 years old. i remember having massive anxiety attacks then - gasping for air - my dad would laugh and mock me. my mother was drunk everyday and used to give me hidings when nobody else was around. she started this when i was very small. i would hyperventilate with anxiety attacks. she would accuse me of acting and hit harder. the last hiding she gave me i was 26 years old!! - attacked my head violently 3 times over the space of a week - i went back to japan and did not go home for 10 years - when i was depressed after losing the only person who i felt love from. i was tough until that point - always happy - never letting shit get me down - people loved me for my positive outlook and sense of humour.
    when i returned to oz depressed over the girl, memories of my mothers beatings came back. i confronted her. she lied - said it never happened. i moved to thailand and started a 17 year drinking binge - still, i was happy on the outside, as the posters who i met here will testify.

    when i was kidnapped by a pedophile age 10, i ran home and told my mum. she got angry and belted shit out of me for getting in the car with the guy - who she knew - and who told her nothing happened. not only did she believe him, she organized for him to sleep in the same bedroom as my little brother and i where he assualted both of us again. i told my dad. he was pissed. he forgot. only words were 'dont tell your mother'. the pedophile was murdered not long after - by a 14 year old kid who he wasc also molesting. my brother and i thought our dad killed him. so i believed my dad was a murderer until just a few years ago when i found out the truth. my bother and i never told anybody - afraid our dad would go to prison.

    that is how the cnut "mate" was able to manipulate me . i used to get anxiety attacks in potential confrontations. because of this i did not tell the cnut to get the fuck out of my life.

    -----felt i had to explain that -- but yeah, i was strong and productive for many years. if i had of stayed on pathb and married her, the trauma would have surfaced but i think i would have been okay ..
    Christ almighty that's a bit rough mate. What a miserable childhood. I can see how something like that would haunt you through life. Your parents sound like a right pair of koonts. Are they still around?

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