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  1. #76
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    ^ I quite liked it, good to see someone having a pop at something creative

  2. #77
    Isle of Discombobulation
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    Married 3 times at your age then thrown in jail for trying to buy a beer.

    Looking forward to the next chapter..

  3. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by knowsitlike View Post
    good to see someone having a pop at something creative
    Sure.

    I'm surprised to see the level of angst from the critics.

    Their posts shout anger and misery.

    Perhaps they live in a Metallica song.

  4. #79
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    Was looking for the TD Poetry thread op'ed by Pseudolous.

    Deleted ?

  5. #80
    ความรู้ลึกลับ HuangLao's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edmond View Post
    Sure.

    I'm surprised to see the level of angst from the critics.

    Their posts shout anger and misery.

    Indeed, Eddy.
    The unnecessary negative and nasty responses and critiques I'm finding perplexing.

    Yet, then I considered the particular crowd in which it originated.

    It's the rare thread and occasion that doesn't live up to it's intended desire.

  6. #81
    Isle of Discombobulation
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    Part 2 was better than part 1

    Here's the text...

    "A Guest in El Chang"
    By Somchai the Dog.
    Age 37.

    I'd arrived in Thailand as a young 25 year old to teach English for a year. but had soon made myself at home, married and had a kid. The years passed by and I settled comfortably into a life in the...



    ..middle class slums of Samut Prakan.

    It was early 2020 when news of the COVID virus hit the golden beaches and shining temple rooves/roofs/tops of the buildings of Thailand.

    My 3rd wife, Lek. A golden skinned, brown haired maiden, 10 years younger than myself..



    ..assured me it was nothing to worry about. Mai pen Rai (that's Thai for stop asking about it) she would purr in her soft Isaan accent. Her pert, clammy breasts glistening in the midday sun as she gave her favourite brother in law a massage.


    "Mai pen Rai my arse" I grumbled to myself over a cool, refreshing swig of my favourite Hanoi Beer (available from all good pubs). "I'm going to ask her again".

    And I did.

    This time her reaction was one of shock and sadness.



    The virus had hit Thailand like a young male Red Bull heir hits a policeman. Overnight life changed. I couldn't get a fucking beer anywhere.

    The government had banned alcohol and my life went into an out of control spin, also like a Red Bulk heir.



    A few weeks had passed and Lek, fed up of my new found straight edge lifestyle and joy for sober life, had arranged for me to pick up some boxes of illicit beer from someone her brother knows.

    It wasn't until the policeman stepped out of the shadows...



    ...and waved my car down on the end of Soi LaSalle that I knew I'd been set up.

    I was hurriedly pushed into a back of a truck, my cries of "gin alai Ka" fell on deaf ears. Not even my Thai language skills could save me now.

    I prayed for the first time since I last fucked up.



    I spent 2 days in a disgusting, damp cell. Lek wasn't answering her phone and incredibly they'd never heard of my uncle-in-law who was a high up policeman just outside of Bangkok.

    It was a typical sunny morning when I heard I was going to El Chang.



    I didn't cry because I'm a double hard bastard but if I was soft, like you probably, I would have done. I would have cried lots because El Chang is the last place you want to find yourself.

    Loosely translated, El Chang means Big Buffalo. I was off to the Big Buffalo for...



    ..30 years.

    To be continued.



    Chapter 2: El Chang

    I was pushed and shoved through the gates of El Chang. The jeers and cries of the inmates deafening. The only noise louder was the sound of my heart beating and my deep breathing (because I was scared).



    Walking into the packed jail cell. Full of society's hardest criminals eyeing up the latest piece of meat, I don't mind admitting I was a bit nervous.

    Silently, I cursed myself for my boyish good looks and for not taking the nail varnish off when I had the chance.



    They have fucking rice for breakfast, lunch and tea.

    Fucking animals.



    You see these Hollywood prison movies on the TV and they say to fight the biggest, baddest guy you see so that the rest respect you. Let me tell you this. This is Hollywood bollocks. He's going to hit you, very fucking hard and it's going to hurt.


    After finding a small spot on the grimy, dirty floor I took a deep breath and picked out the smallest, easiest guy to beat up. I wasn't going to be everyone's bitch.

    He was cowering over near the toilets, skinny like something really thin and tears is his eyes. Now was my chance



    The 1st was straight on the nose, the 2nd and 3rd were hooks to the temples before he carried on the beating and kicked me repeatedly in the stomach.

    At least I had a space near the toilet now.

    Which was handy because i had shit myself during the beating.



    Every morning the guards would blow a whistle really loudly to wake you up. Not that you got much sleep. After 3 days of sleeping next to an overweight, sweaty thug who farted in his sleep, I had almost completely forgiven Lek for setting me up. Besides...


    ..I had found love in the darkest of places. Her name was Nok, one of Thailand's famous ladyboys.

    Her long black hair swaying every time the fan blew past, and her perfectly round, heaving, plastic breasts taking your eyes off the 5 o clock shadow from her muscular chin.



    She had the legs of an Olympic bike rider, and unfortunately the attitude to match.

    I was head over heels in love, absoloutly infatuated by her tits.
    and by some miracle she felt the same. It wasn't my money she wanted, because I only gave her 5k a week. It was love. True love



    My world caved in when she left me. Two weeks after my parents stopped sending money (totally unrelated) we had a small misunderstanding and she dumped me. I fell into a dark, dangerous place.


    I was depressed, skinny and riddled with disease. I'd barely eat two spoons of putrid rice every day. You could see my bones. They where everywhere. All over my body. My ribs, arms, even my feet at bones.


    ..and then one day 'Big Mafia' came up to me and asked me to join their Muay Thai gym.

    Muay Thai is the ancient Thai art of kicking the shit out of someone. It literally translates as Muay = 'kicking the living shit' and Thai = 'Someone'.



    After training with the Muay Thai lads I started to feel better and ate more. I soon got my natural strength back, and not because I'm weak or anything.

    It felt like the Thai inmates had finally accepted me. I'd proved I was a survivor and I'd moved up the prison pecking order.



    Unfortunately, this made some of the other farang (farang means Strong White Man in Thai) prisoners jealous. They'd mock me by saying I was only invited to the gym because the Thais liked kicking the shit out of me and seeing me cry (which never happened and you can't prove it).


    But I didn't let it bother me, and to be honest I didn't much like them anyway. The cunts.

    The rest of my time passed slowly and without incident. It was terrible, obviously. My book contract states I have to make that clear. Very harrowing. Awful.



    I remember it perfectly clearly. It was May the 5th, or 6th. Actually it might have been April. About 9am, or 6pm, something like that. When news came in about a Kings Pardon. There was a buzz around the prison, and it wasn't just the mosquitos. Some of us might get out of here.


    In the words of the great Ska Punk Philosphers, Sublime.

    "April 26th, 1992
    There was a riot on the streets
    Tell me where were you?
    You were sittin' home watchin' your TV
    While I was participating in some anarchy".



    Taking into consideration time differences and such, as American musician Bradley Knowell penned those very lyrics I was walking out of El Chang as a free man.


    And it wasn't 1992 I was released because I think I was imprisoned in 2020. I cant remember what I said now.


    Now, 10 years later (ignore these time inconsistencies, we can tidy them up before I tweet them out), I'm sat here in my house in Samut Prakan with a beautiful wife and a 13 year old kid. I'm back teaching again, mostly thanks to lax background checks.


    Would I change anything if I had my time again? Of course, I made mistakes but you have to live with no regrets.

    Otherwise, like the old Thai saying goes. "you're just a buffalo in a somtam stall".

    .fin.

  7. #82
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrong
    Feel free to keep on stalking me because you didn't like the little story I wrote though!
    He won't.

    He will be asking Smeg for his collected files / notes next. He's rather... Obsessed.

  8. #83
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    This was a funny thread. Armstrong has been saying for weeks he would like a light hearted thread. Well he put this tongue in cheek beauty up and it turned out just as he planned. Personalities were revealed..

  9. #84
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    What wanker put this fine literary piece in the doghouse?

    This thread sums up the way teaksnore has gone.A shit load of negativity from a load of bored teflers popping in between online lessons turning the forum into Subzero Ajarn. Someone contributes and your usual boring, pompous old fart, will rip it apart without contributing anything themselves.

    Where can I get a physical copy Armstrong, I'm running out of bogroll here

  10. #85
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    This thread sums up the way teaksnore has gone.A shit load of negativity from a load of bored teflers popping in between online lessons turning the forum into Subzero Ajarn. Someone contributes and your usual boring, pompous old fart, will rip it apart without contributing anything themselves.
    Just call him TEFLer taxi.

  11. #86
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    ^^ Bloke puts up story.

    It's shit.

    He gets told it's shit.

    Someone quite old, boring and fartish calls posters BOFs who contribute nothing...and contributes nothing.


  12. #87
    Member Bettyboo's Avatar
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    ^ bloke puts up posts, endlessly.

    The posts are shit, endlessly.

    He gets told they are shit, endlessly.

    He is quite old, boring and fartish aswellas contributing nothing to the forum.


  13. #88
    Hangin' Around cyrille's Avatar
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    And so it goes on.

    Just how interesting do you think you are?

  14. #89
    Head Skivvie Stacker Storekeeper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by armstrong View Post
    I enjoyed it anyhoo.
    Of course ya did!

  15. #90
    Member Bettyboo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cyrille View Post
    And so it goes on.

    Just how interesting do you think you are?
    Not quite as interesting as Armstrong, but a lot more interesting than you. &, nowhere near as interesting as this story.

    Some people create, like Wordsmith Armstrong, and some people just endlessly complain, and so it goes on...

  16. #91
    Member Bettyboo's Avatar
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  17. #92
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    A Guest in El Chang-img_20200514_120432-jpg

  18. #93
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    That story is OK....and at least the writer has potential, which is more than I can say for some trolls who post on TD and expect people to hang off their every word.

  19. #94
    Thailand Expat Jofrey's Avatar
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    Covid wrapped its pert, clammy lips around Armstrong's prime, glistening lips and delivered the long awaited message...

  20. #95
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Latindancer
    which is more than I can say for some trolls who post on TD and expect people to hang off their every word.
    Yeah, fuck those guys right!

    Although maybe there's no expectation? Maybe that's just you projecting your own narcissism / inferiority complex? \_(ツ)_/

    Cos I honestly can't think of a single person who would give a fuck if you read their posts or not (including all those you periodically pretend to have on ignore).

  21. #96
    Thailand Expat Jofrey's Avatar
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    This is too good a thread for the Dog House.

    armstrong deserves the adoration of member's...

  22. #97
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    Quote Originally Posted by knowsitlike View Post
    ^ I quite liked it, good to see someone having a pop at something creative
    Oh for fucks sake, don’t encourage him.
    It’s like telling a kid in a wheelchair he will be the next Michael Jordan

  23. #98
    Thailand Expat armstrong's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Iceman123 View Post
    Oh for fucks sake, don’t encourage him.
    It’s like telling a kid in a wheelchair he will be the next Michael Jordan


    Or a kid on a reality TV series that he's gonna be successful.

  24. #99
    Member Bettyboo's Avatar
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    TD's got talent...

    Alas, we have only 2 or 3 contestants and around 50 judges.


  25. #100
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    This thread sums up the way teaksnore has gone
    Not enough racist attacks on black posters for you? \_(ツ)_/

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