Thread: DOs and DON'Ts

There have been a few threads by newbies seeking general advice towards safety, security and freedom from hassle.

Though this list is far from definitive, it is real and hopefully will save the ass of some newbie, or inbred expat that's been here long enough to know better:


01 - DO NOT believe everything you are told. Thais will bullshit you for an extra few baht, but farangs will play with your head for the pot.

02 - DO NOT eat from food vendors, unless you have a stable metabolism.

03 - DO NOT take drugs, or break any law. You are a guest, perhaps a wealthy one, but a guest nonetheless.

04 - DO NOT display wealth on your person.

05 - DO NOT get drunk if you are alone, since this leaves you open to exploitation.

06 - DO NOT even in jest offend Thais, Thailand, Buddha, Royalty or your fellow man. There's enough shit going down in your home country, which is perhaps why you're here in the first place, and if it goes down so will you.

07 - DO NOT venture alone in unfamiliar territory or off the main drags after dark, and certainly not drunk, drugged and emblazoned with gold, having offended Thais, Thailand, Buddha, Royalty and a bunch of assorted farangs.

08 - DO NOT give the bahtbus driver 10 baht and expect 5 back.

09 - DO NOT pay the opening price on any negotiable goods or services, or assume you are getting what you paid for.

10 - DO NOT make plans and expect to keep them, or expect others to.

11 - DO NOT use plastic cards to pay the tailor, or other goods/service providers. Though you are not responsible for any subsequent abuse of that facility, it's a hassle you don't need.

12 - DO NOT tip out of some misguided obligation, or at a predominantly Thai venue. Tip only for good service, or to ensure good service. TIP (olde English, TEP) is an acronym for 'to insure promptness'.

13 - DO NOT grope or display public nudity, or provoke or encourage others into doing so.

14 - DO NOT be deflected by guilt when you come across that prettier girl.

15 - DO NOT assume you are God's gift to eternity simply because someone threw 'hansum man' in your direction. You're just another ugly fuck with money.

16 - DO NOT engage in conversation with street vendors unless you are or may be interested in their wares, or unless she is very sweet.

17 - DO NOT forget to check and keep a hardcopy of your rented motorbike's comprehensive insurance, even though it's not worth the paper it is forged on.

18 - DO NOT ride said bike like a maniac just because you can get away with it.

19 - DO NOT fall for the sick buffalo scam. Thai buffalos do not get sick.

20 - DO NOT take yourself too seriously, because nobody else will.

21 - DO leave your values at the airport of departure, and your valuables secure.

22 - DO avoid dealings with the police and government officials, which is good advice everywhere.

23 - DO retain your humanity, without going over the top and morphing into the stereotypical dumb farang.

24 - DO check in both directions before and whilst crossing any road, including and especially one way streets.


And remember:

25 - The king's image is on every currency note and coin, so treat them and yourself with respect.

26 - Thai road users do not care whether you live or die if they can arrive at their destination those three seconds sooner. You will be deemed to be at fault in any accident, since it would not have happened if you were not there.

27 - You are not in love; you only think you are, and it is her job to persuade you otherwise, though mine is the reality and her's the fantasy. Your choice.

28 - Be ready to brake or swerve instantly whilst on the road, especially following a songtaew; that 5 baht standing by the roadside is more important to him than your miserable farang life.

29 - A Thai one-way street means that drivers are allowed to drive only in one direction at any given time.

30 - You are here for fun, so get out there and have it.


Last but not least, and even in the face of adversity - SMILE!

A good list Keda.
I'd like to add to it:

DO NOT rent a motorbike while here on vacation , unless you are used
to drive motorbikes in your home country.
Thailand is not the place for learning to drive, you are here for having fun and not for
staying in hospital.

i'd like to add DO NOT assume that every single person you talk with is trying to rip u off or scam you. many thai ppl ARE very nice and friendly.

it doesnt pay to be too jaded or guarded or else you can end up being rude ...

Originally Posted by lom

DO NOT rent a motorbike while here on vacation , unless you are used
to drive motorbikes in your home country.
Thailand is not the place for learning to drive, you are here for having fun and not for
staying in hospital.

Great advice Lom, I once offered up something similar over on TV to a guy who was moving to Samui and talking about buying a sports bike.
Udon was all over me saying i was a twat and knew nothing about Thailand because I had like 50 posts at the time. I was living on Samui and had seen 2 dead motorcyclists lying on the road that month.

parked taxi's / tuk tuks are scammers - unless they are in a taxi queue that you will see other thais using

Good list Keda

Expect nothing, so as you will never be disappointed

Learn to relax and let things happen.

wish i could heed my own advise

keda,

Not a bad list. However, you forgot one important rule. Use common sense. Sadly many people tend to forget this one...

I've done everything on that list hundreds of times & I can confirm it was a bad idea. I learnt the hard way & I think it's because you develop a sense of the untouchable for a while & then you realise what you've let yourself in for after it's too late.

Originally Posted by keda

12 - DO NOT tip out of some misguided obligation, or at a predominantly Thai venue. Tip only for good service, or to ensure good service. TIP (olde English, TEP) is an acronym for 'to insure promptness'.

thanks for this nugget amongst the dross..

How about:
"Don't invest anything in Thailand that you are not willing to walk away from".

Originally Posted by kingwilly

i'd like to add DO NOT assume that every single person you talk with is trying to rip u off or scam you. many thai ppl ARE very nice and friendly.

it doesnt pay to be too jaded or guarded or else you can end up being rude ...

Fully agree with this.

Also, I strongly disagree with #02 in the original list.

Originally Posted by keda

02 - DO NOT eat from food vendors, unless you have a stable metabolism.

Bollocks.

I have only ever got sick in thailand from eating at 'resturants', never street food.

Let's not turn this forum in a hysterical "Thais are screwing me at every turn" thing like we see at heavier traffic forums. Come on get, some common sense, and you will never have a problem.

Street food is mostly great and safe. Just follow the crowds.

Do Not shag anything with big hands, feet or an Adams apple!!


Unless you want to that is..

All good ones Keda.

However, despite being nearly hospitalised from bad food in several other 3rd world countries, I have, strangely, never been made even slightly ill by anything I have ever eaten in Thailand. But I think this is mainly luck.
-
RE the list:

What about always carrying some TP* for the occasional under-equipped Thai cludgy?

*or an ass sponge

yeah, ass sponge/brow mopper is good.

Originally Posted by chinthee

Let's not turn this forum in a hysterical "Thais are screwing me at every turn" thing like we see at heavier traffic forums. Come on get, some common sense, and you will never have a problem...

Applies to each item on the list plus addons...common sense.

Originally Posted by Looper

All good ones Keda.

However, despite being nearly hospitalised from bad food in several other 3rd world countries, I have, strangely, never been made even slightly ill by anything I have ever eaten in Thailand. But I think this is mainly luck.
-
RE the list:

What about always carrying some TP* for the occasional under-equipped Thai cludgy?

*or an ass sponge

Have met mild Buddha's revenge a few times with a couple of real messy ones, but some street vendors operate to standards that would have them arrested in a civilised country. Still, unless you have a cooperative metabolism, well advised to stand back and watch others being served before ordering...

I used to pick up the occasional something for mrs k at the place outside foodmart in jomtien, till one day I had the opportunity for a really close look...never again, even forgiving the dust and diesel, though of course if it's clean enough for mrs she can order for herself.

Can recommend the no-like no-pay place next to the red car, bit pricey but tasty, large portions and relatively clean kitchen.

keda, thanks for the good advice. I enjoy reading you on TD.
Endeavoring my return to Thailand shortly, it is good to refresh my perspective on the facts and differences within the cultures.
Looking forward to doing well and growing in understanding.

Keda, to "old-hands" many on that list will not add up. To your target audience, i.e., newbies and tourist, they're fairly sound advice.

I would add:

* Do make sure you have comprehensive medical insurance (i.e., that will pay for "private" care)

* Do Not keep ALL your money in one place


I would like to add, "Do Not come to Thailand with fuck all in your bank account"; but I did and I'm still here 12 years later (if only for a short time longer)

DO NOT trust your diving operator to fairly judge your abilities or keep to any restrictions stated in your PADI papers.

DO NOT trust any lawyer in Thailand

Had to get that one in before BG did

Originally Posted by William

DO NOT trust any lawyer in Thailand

Had to get that one in before BG did

Then you forgot: 'They are educated way beyond their intelligence'

william, what the heck is the thai language thing in #20? why is it there?

DO make sure your internal alarm goes off when a Thai says: "no ploblem."