Thread: Living O/S with a Thai wife.

Originally Posted by Latindancer

But how can I win this without losing face ? We're at a stalemate right now.

Id say you are up shit creek without a paddle. Keep pushing it and she will go. Plenty of other swinging cocks around.

If you were dealing with an Australian bint she could work out where you are coming from.

But ya dealing with a Thai woman whos brain bag is wired completely fookin different.

Ya lost the game when you bought her to Australia and did not lay out how financial shit will work once she earns her own money.

White boys fail consistently at this point.

Just decide whether you're really that worried or not, I reckon.

You're not necessarily wrong to be letting it piss you off.

tax...when you're Ernie without Eric it doesn't really work.

resorting to sarcastic personal one liners does not really address the issue.

but then again, addressing raised issues has never been your forte has it.

On the second reading I'm not sure I'm getting it. Seems like she was already paying 40% rent when you brought up sharing it equally? Surely you didn't start a shitstorm for 10%?

Fook me,

If my Handbag was paying 40 % of the rent id save that money, fly to California and spend it all on a great knees up on the legal Mull.

Originally Posted by Latindancer

I guess I shouldn't worry about the money so much, when we almost never argue about anything else.

Yep.

Originally Posted by Latindancer

Well, I guess I'd rather have the love and good sex than an irritable and unhappy wife. But how can I win this without losing face ? We're at a stalemate right now.

It's not about winning nor is it about saving face.
Why not just put on a big smile and say, "Honey, look lets forget about it...I was just grumpy because I lost my job and I was worried".

Originally Posted by Latindancer

(Grumble). Well, I guess I'd rather have the love and good sex than an irritable and unhappy wife. But how can I win this without losing face ? We're at a stalemate right now.

Separate bank accounts seem like a great idea when you earn more than she does, but it kicks you in the teeth when it's the other way around. Same as she will have felt all the time you were creaming it in and still asking her to pitch in from her salary. Me and the missus have separate bank accounts, but it's very fluid and we can both access / transfer / take from either account as needed with online banking only because there was a 2 week gap in opening bank accounts here and we never got around to opening the joint.

Personally, if i see her bank account has a good deal of savings in it, I'm really chuffed for her. If she had more than me it wouldn't bother me because we are a couple; there is no me and her, but us.

However, you want a solution, so here it is.

Three bank accounts. One each and a joint one. Into the joint one you proportionally, based upon what you each earn in a month, put in enough to cover all joint outgoings (including everything; all bills, insurances, rent, car maintenance, emergency fund) so that when the month is done, everything is covered. As you are not earning, she will pick up the slack. However when you are earning again, you will pay a lot more than her. If you do not want to go the joint bank account way, then only this way is 100% fair for both of you. You of course have no domion over what she does with the rest any more than she does on your filthy lucca.

So in real terms;

You earn 5k a month, and she earns 3k

You need 3k a month for bills.

You pay 1.8k, she pays 1.2k or something like that.

Reducing the lifestyle of any partner is fraught.

I'm not an expert on marriage guidance like others above.

I'd sooner live alone than with friction , but that's just me.

However as it seems to me you're totally bugger'd have you considered homosexuality?

^

Dealing with the financial stuff in a relationship is easy as long as ya sort the shit out from the get go.

Trying to do it years into a relationship is fooked.

Again I don't understand why people just don't have a joint bank account, if it's a trust issue then probably want to question why married in the first place.

Originally Posted by Latindancer

I'm happy looking after the car and doing the other "mens half" of the cleaning : taking out the rubbish, scrubbing the shower and so on.

scrubbing the shower is part of the men's half?



don't tell my wife.

^

I do all the washing in my Gaffer.

Coonting Somchai did not Earth the Plug and I'm shit scared my Handbag will fry herself using the fookin thing.

I really like my Handbag, shes alright eh.

^

Just one little thing mate.

If you are punting up the dollars the story must go like this.

If I'm happy she is happy and i must be happy or shit don't work.

End of story really.

Originally Posted by raycarey

scrubbing the shower is part of the men's half?



don't tell my wife.

How long have you and he been married now Raymond?

Originally Posted by cyrille

A poor fishing trip, even by your standards.

You don't even seem sure whether you're talking about immigrants or not.

Is that af Des you are clamoring with?

Firstly and MOST importantly LD, NEVER fight over money. It is by far the largest reason relationships fail and its really dumb after all the dusts settles. I have always believed money is the root of all evil. Relationships are give and take and while ideally we would love them to be 50/50 they never seem to be. They are fluid and swing back and forth through good and bad times and you losing your job is a "bad" time.

When I met my wife while working in BKK I knew I made a Helluva a lot more money then she did. Clearly she knew too. But we found a way to keep it balanced. I did not assume I should always pay because of that and she did not expect me too. In fact we shared a lot of expenses relatively speaking.

We moved back to the US for a job offer and I again made a Helluva a lot more money they she did (13X more monthly and that was after she did not work for the 1st 5 months after we arrived)). We have always had joint checking/savings acct because when married it should be that way. Separate accounts lead to resentment. We both manage and discuss finances and always have. I absolutely refuse to fight over money and I am not "Cash phat". While in the US my wife paid the bills from our act. I never thought it should be prorated or set up by our earnings and some ratio based on her income versus mine. F That.

Fast forward and we moved back to Thailand for a job for me. I worked until Sept and finally decided to retire early. She has not been employed since we returned over 2 years ago. Notice how I did not say "she has not worked?" My wife is always working on something around the house and when I was splitting time between our house in Lampang and Korat she took care of everything. Its a balance and a shared responsibilities. I know if she was employed and I was not she would expect me to pick up the house duties while she worked and I would. Now we are both at the house and we have a budget and live to it. She has considered going back into the medical field and has been halfheartedly looking. Her choice.

In the end LD look at it in the bigger picture. Communication is #1 and culture should not really be a part of it being she has lived in both worlds like my wife and I have.

Good Luck

Originally Posted by buriramboy

Again I don't understand why people just don't have a joint bank account, if it's a trust issue then probably want to question why married in the first place.

Yes, we do that. Lots of different kinds of accounts to for different purposes. It's a bit complex, I wish it were simpler. Hopefully it will be soon.
My Mrs earns more than me, and is an adept juggler of so many things, she is so very unThai most Thais struggle to think she is one of them.

Originally Posted by cyrille

A poor fishing trip, even by your standards.

You don't even seem sure whether you're talking about immigrants or not.

What a side-stepper... you make a bombastic swipe, and then chicken out of answering the underpinning question beneath Tax's response...
...and then you come out with "fishing trip" , like you weren't trolling for a reaction? Who are you trying to kid?!

You yourself made the point about his wife being an immigrant living in the west, and implied that she should adopt what you might regard as "modern" "progressive" "genderless" roles, and then you dodge the obvious destination of your own comment, that should all such incomers into a "modern" "progresseive" "liberal" country should shake off the shackles of their regressive developing world culture, and embrace your notion of modernity...

...but of course, that doesn't work, does it? Because in the tangle you're in, denegrating foreign ways is also wrong, and your value system is left short-circuiting because you're trying to celebrate diversity so much that you run into different diversities that are by definition different, and yes... mutually exclusive.

As one thread here on TD indicates, Australia is one of the most expensive countries in the world to live in. And I am neither rich nor have a good job (currently have no job). So I guess I was stressing. My family is quite left-wing, and I was brought up with equality : everyone is treated equally and shares responsibility equally. So I guess I was expecting my wife to be the same.

Oh well, we were having a tiff but settled the matter with mock anger, taking the piss out of each other, then having a session of rumpy-pumpy. Quite a good way of solving issues.

Originally Posted by Latindancer

Oh well, we were having a tiff but settled the matter with mock anger, taking the piss out of each other, then having a session of rumpy-pumpy. Quite a good way of solving issues.

for now.....

Originally Posted by Latindancer

As one thread here on TD indicates, Australia is one of the most expensive countries in the world to live in. And I am neither rich nor have a good job (currently have no job). So I guess I was stressing. My family is quite left-wing, and I was brought up with equality : everyone is treated equally and shares responsibility equally. So I guess I was expecting my wife to be the same.

Oh well, we were having a tiff but settled the matter with mock anger, taking the piss out of each other, then having a session of rumpy-pumpy. Quite a good way of solving issues.

It's really important that you can shag it out rather than shout it out... however it works for you, you need to be a team and fight the world together.

What industry were you in? Is there a way you can shift sideways into a new field? I've heard and read much about how the lucky country has become really difficult, and it's interesting because it was often high on the list of places for Brits to escape to. A lot of industries are changing, and retraining can work...

Originally Posted by cyrille

Avoid generalising about 20 million people+, based on your experience with one (see your first line.)

Approach the whole thing as a purely personal matter between a couple, make your point, explain how and why it matters to you so much and then both of you make your choice.

Typical Occidental disconnect from familial and social extensions.
What might you be expecting from the usual mindsets?

Rather not say what industry I was in, apart from it actually involving valving .....in a certain way.

I guess I can move sideways, but at 62, I'm getting a bit old.

Originally Posted by Latindancer

then having a session of rumpy-pumpy.

How are we supposed to believe that?

no pictures, no proof.

Originally Posted by HuangLao

Typical Occidental disconnect from familial and social extensions.
What might you be expecting from the usual mindsets?

So glad we agree/disagree jeff.
Please delete as applicable.

Originally Posted by Latindancer

Rather not say what industry I was in, apart from it actually involving valving