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Thread: Three buttocks.

  1. #1
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Three buttocks.

    Developed a bit of an irritant on my right arse cheek about a fortnight ago.
    Caused me to sit like a wench with the right leg crossed at the knee so as to lift up the buttock to avoid pain.

    After a week, i couldn't even cross the old legs to avoid contact.

    The irritant had grown in size.
    Close proximity to air made me bum hurt.

    Then i remembered a contraption of taped together motorcycle mirrors i made a while back, located it, repaired it, and eventually managed to maneuver said contraption to just the right angle to check out the pain source.

    A fucking massive bum boil.

    Didn't have enough hands to look at it and squeeze it at the same time, so propped the mirror as to look at my mouth, and proceeded bindly squeezing.

    The pain was exquisite.
    The results were not.

    After another week i had a third buttock.








    As lady luck smiled upon me in the early hours of this morning, i squeezed until the pain made me smile, and there was a noise like a single cheap chinky firework.


    Luckily i had an old crusty emergency sock under the pillow.
    Which i bit on to stop me screaming.
    Came in handy to mop up the mess as well.


    All's well that ends well.

  2. #2
    R.I.P. Luigi's Avatar
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    Name it Sandra.

  3. #3
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    This lovely ditty is quite useless without accompanying photos.

    Scallywag.


  4. #4
    . Neverna's Avatar
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    I always find the delicate touch of a female nurse to be the perfect response to such a delicate situation. One can then use one's highly tuned memory and natures wonderful spanners to relive the memory in times of solitude and relieve any tensions from ones' loins.

  5. #5
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luigi
    Name it Sandra.
    Aname is but ordered letters of the alphabet, man.

  6. #6
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    Pesky traffic cones are only usually a problem when storage limits are exceeded.

    No Sympathy here. Sorry.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    i squeezed until the pain made me smile,
    You squeeze? All I have to do is clench my buttocks and all the zits pop. I alternate the right and left cheek about once a week for the misses, she thinks it's like watching mini fireworks.

  8. #8
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by thaimeme
    without accompanying photos.
    Daren't.
    Might be loxed up.

  9. #9
    Thailand Expat Slick's Avatar
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    Search 'popping a boil' on youtube.

    Its a great time.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    Might be loxed up.
    You're Jewish?

  11. #11
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by chassamui
    No Sympathy here. Sorry.
    Bollocks.
    Hope you suffer from quadbutts now, or in the very near future.

  12. #12
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neverna
    spanners relieve any tensions from ones' loins.
    Quite.

  13. #13
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    Found it.



    Withnail @ 1.16 minutes

  14. #14
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by CSFFan
    all the zits pop.
    One i had.
    A fucking volcano.

    And you regale a tail of mere zittery?

  15. #15
    On a walkabout Loy Toy's Avatar
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    ^^ Glad I could not open that link as I am just about to have dinner.

    Puss bucket!

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    And you regale a tail of mere zittery?
    I've had zits on my ass so big that when I clenched by ass and popped them, my trousers were so wet my students thought I'd shit myself, again.

    Another complaint about the Thai "educational" system....you shit yourself once, just once and afterwards every time the students even get a whiff of a colon blow or see wet pants, they think you've done it again.
    "I was a good student. I comprehend very well, OK, better than I think almost anybody," - President Trump comparing his legal knowledge to a Federal judge.

  17. #17
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    Salt water, swim in the sea.
    A great cure fit boils.
    Boiling on the bum, horrid.
    Thanks for sharing

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke
    The pain was exquisite.

    I'm glad you had a nice day. Others would have found reason to complain and moan about a bum boil.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maanaam
    I'm glad you had a nice day. Others would have found reason to complain and moan about a bum boil.
    This is Withnail's version of complaining. He's a bit shit at it.

  20. #20
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    Hot compresses every few hours will bring the boil to a head...literally but may take a day or two.

    But best to let a seeing pair of eyes , sterile gloves and alcohol swabs (scotch neat for the patient) take over the squeezing as going about it blindly simply can not do a large boil simple justice.

    Now you might have to squeeze again in a day or two if you didn't get all the bacterial pus and associated blood out.

    Ahh...time for breakie, eh.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeeCoffee View Post
    Hot compresses every few hours will bring the boil to a head...literally but may take a day or two.

    But best to let a seeing pair of eyes , sterile gloves and alcohol swabs (scotch neat for the patient) take over the squeezing as going about it blindly simply can not do a large boil simple justice.

    Now you might have to squeeze again in a day or two if you didn't get all the bacterial pus and associated blood out.

    Ahh...time for breakie, eh.
    Yes, it's best by far to leave it a few days until it's good and ready to pop. Hot compresses do accelerate it. Popping it prematurely just means more pain on more than one occasion.
    The old burning twist of newspaper in a milk bottle really works well... but be sure the flame is out before applying. I learnt that the hard way.

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat VocalNeal's Avatar
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    Could it have been a boil on the ass of progress?

  23. #23
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    this thread stinks of shit, im out

  24. #24
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    36 hours (ish) since the cleansing.


    Good news though - the bastard is starting to swell again.

    This thread might have more longevity than the "who's snuffed it" thread.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    36 hours (ish) since the cleansing.


    Good news though - the bastard is starting to swell again.

    This thread might have more longevity than the "who's snuffed it" thread.

    At this stage, a hearty baking soda paste/salve will help draw out the remaining nasties.


    All-n-all, could've developed in an area much more sensitive.
    Testicles boils are the worst.


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