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  1. #1
    I'm a pain in the arse
    Immigrunt's Avatar
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    Most embarrassing thing you've ever done

    I let out an intentionally raucous fart this afternoon then realised my MIL was about 3 metres away, sat on a sofa behind the room divider. I thought she was upstairs with the Mrs.

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by Immigrunt View Post
    I let out an intentionally raucous fart this afternoon then realised my MIL was about 3 metres away, sat on a sofa behind the room divider. I thought she was upstairs with the Mrs.
    Smeggers, let's be fair, you've done a heck of a lot more embarrassing things than that, haven't you.



  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
    wasabi's Avatar
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    The most embarrassing thing that I've done was to reply to this post.

  4. #4
    Member Thedogsbollix's Avatar
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    I wanked into my dads wallet one day thinking he would never know who done it.

    Unfortunately i was an only child.

    Fooked up Eh.

  5. #5
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    I was once sat on a plastic bench and what I thought was a slow silent fart rumbled out loudly vibrating the seats.

    A sea of faces looked round at me and I had to just get up and walk off without looking back, fast.

    That was in a chip shop in Soho about 25yrs ago. Never went back ever.

  6. #6
    Member Thedogsbollix's Avatar
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    I was in Spain with my mates back in the early 80's.

    Chased this tart around all night, hot as fook she was and i had to have her.

    Nailed her around 3.00 AM in the morn, i reckon i was up her for 15 seconds before blowing a nasty wad of man goo.

    I was well proud of my staying power even though she called me a Coont.

    Fuk it Eh,

    Ya never want to spoil them with long sex sessions, ya fuk shit up for the next guy.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thedogsbollix View Post
    I was in Spain with my mates back in the early 80's.

    Chased this tart around all night, hot as fook she was and i had to have her.

    Nailed her around 3.00 AM in the morn, i reckon i was up her for 15 seconds before blowing a nasty wad of man goo.

    I was well proud of my staying power even though she called me a Coont.

    Fuk it Eh,

    Ya never want to spoil them with long sex sessions, ya fuk shit up for the next guy.
    So you raped her, is that what you're saying. Yup, that's pretty embarrassing.

  8. #8
    Member Thedogsbollix's Avatar
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    I have a million stories like that but fuk it eh, I'm not telling all you munters my deep secrets.

    Ya coonts will Facebook em.

  9. #9
    Utopian Expat
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    Letting out a fart and unintentionally shitting oneself in a public place,we've all done it
    I blame the Changover..

  10. #10
    Ex TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thedogsbollix
    Ya never want to spoil them with long sex sessions, ya fuk shit up for the next guy.

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat
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    Was a skint tefler (ur welcome dogbollix) waiting at a bus stop in Daegu.

    Had done up my trousers with a safety pin earlier and it gave way just as 3 buses full of commuters were jockeying for position while most of them were having a long stare at the white (now red) faced cracker head with his pants round his knees.

    - hardly my most embarrassing, but it's up there in terms of sober ones.

  12. #12
    Member Thedogsbollix's Avatar
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    There was another time when i was a kid and started getting the horn on.

    Used to smash fuk out of it and blow skin, blood and spoont all over my sheets.

    My mum used to look at me real sheepish like at breakfast when i was eating my cornflakes. She heard me wanking for sure.

    I always was a noisy fuker when i blew my choad eh. Scream like a demented bitch and still do.

    I'd hear the washing machine grown-in like fuk in the morn and Knew my nasty load of spoont skin and shite was over loading the fukin thing.

    Loved my mom long time eh, she never told my dad why the electricity bill was through the roof.

    I love to share with you guys eh.

    Cheers.

  13. #13
    Member Thedogsbollix's Avatar
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    There was another time in Liverpool back in the Mid 80's.

    Ah fuk it eh,

    There is always tomorrow and I'm not spoiling ya fookers.

    Tomorrow is another day.

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
    hick's Avatar
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    ^ & ^^

    Meh. Feels a little forced now.

  15. #15
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    I once drank a Cabernet while eating caviar.

    Oh the shame.

  16. #16
    Thailand Expat
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    My wife called me a narcissist - stupid woman, I nearly fell off my throne.

  17. #17
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    Something to do with a rent boy and a case of mistaken identity in a family run Turkish hotel

    :-)
    Last edited by Lostandfound; 06-06-2017 at 01:36 AM.

  18. #18
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    In the old days I played records, at an early 90s gig I raised my pint glass to the fit barmaid across the pub. As I was half drunk I lost my footing and lurched forward splashing half the beer on the LP playing, which was Michael Jackson's Off the Wall. The rest of the beer went down my front making me look like I'd pissed myself.

    I didn't have another song lined up ready and the kerfuffle of the needle scraping and dead silence turned out to be the nail in the coffin for vinyl albums for me.

    I still played singles for years but albums have shallower tighter grooves and a lower sound, making them always a bit precarious, prone to jumping & feedback if you use a cheap sound system, especially when you got over 5 tracks on a side. (which is why many DJ edition album pressings were over 2 records)

    The pub manager docked me 20quid for a 5 minute delay while we set the decks up again and a further 20mins it took to fill the dancefloor back again.

    For the next few months I was known in the pub each week as 'old dj clumsy bollox'
    Last edited by DJ Pat; 06-06-2017 at 04:08 AM.

  19. #19
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    armstrong's Avatar
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    i missed a penalty at the weekend. it still hurts.

  20. #20
    Can I still change this?
    Bogon's Avatar
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    ^ Not the end of the world.

    Look what happened to these lads...



    The likes of Chester's Grill, M150 or Mama noodles will be knocking on your door soon.

  21. #21
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    Just this morning was a bit embarrassing. I've been having dental work done (2 root canals) over the past few weeks. In again this morning. Wife has been on the rag for a few days so I'm primed to go. Dentists is sweet, but the assistant is gorgeous and always gives me the suggestive eye and smile. When I went for an x-ray, as she put the lead overcoat on me, my face was in her cleavage as she velcroed it behind my neck. It got me going but I was under control. Then, back in the surgery she kept putting the inner part of her knee hard up against my elbow as I reclined in the seat. I was wearing light-weight sports pants and could not stop the erection happening. It must have been quite plain to both dentist and assistant.

  22. #22
    Thailand Expat AntRobertson's Avatar
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    This one time, at band camp, I pretended to be a bunch of people that I wasn't, told a bunch of extraordinary lies about all kinds of things and then when called on them tried to claim it was all a 'parody' or 'baiting' in a desperate attempt to save-face. Then I threw tantrums when people didn't believe the things that I wanted them to believe because I had no credibility.

    That was pretty embarrassing. Still is.

  23. #23
    I'm a pain in the arse
    Immigrunt's Avatar
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    Obsessing. Quelle surprise.

    How about in the real world Ant? Try separating the two for once......

  24. #24
    Member Thedogsbollix's Avatar
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    There was this time when i was a teenager back in the old country.

    I was riding the local bus and the rocking and a shaking bought on a huge fookin bit of hornage.

    Had to get off at the next stop but because I was a tad shy I stayed on the bus to ride out the hornage.

    Trouble was that it was two hours later and the end of the line in Cornwall when the coonting thing subsided.

    Cost me a fookin fortune that day in bus fares eh.

    Thanks for sharing.

  25. #25
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    I was posting on a forum and bragging about how I had a poster on ignore

    except I read every one of his posts

    I would be embarrased , but I seem to lack that skill also

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