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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    SP's Thailand trip ~ aka ~ fisted by the mamasan

    Sebasatian Pintor bowled through Bangkok airport with a decided spring to his stride. Having negotiated passport control and the scrutiny of a bookish official who had scrutinised him with not a little distaste Pintor, you see, was attired in faded denim cut-offs, a Beer Chang singlet and a pair of worn Dunlop Green Flash he made for the terminal exit sporting the beginnings of a robust erection.

    Pintor led a tragically bland existance in the UK. He lived in a little bedsit on the outskirts of Blackburn where nothing ever happened - nothing happened at all. So he amused himself, as many red-blooded - and socially inept - males do, by developing an unhealthy obsession with internet pornography, the viewing of which he'd punctuate with trips to Amsterdam, Thailand and occasionally the Philippines.

    And now, with a pair of balls bursting at the seams, he hailed a taxi and instructed the driver to take him "to the fanny".

    After a 30 minute drive, the yellow and green Toyota Corolla sidled up to a row of neon lit drinking emporiums: "The fanny," said the driver, gesturing towards a gaggle of scantily clad females standing at the threshold of each establishment.

    Pintor licked his lips. The sight of writhing brown flesh glistening with greens, pinks and reds reflected from the light always made his heart race. Seismic activity in his underpants was now taking place and he tossed a selection of notes over the front seat before leaving the cab in a kind of trance.

    "The fanny," he drooled, walking mesmerised towards the ladies of questionable virtue.

    But if feeling virtuous is on your agenda, you've come to the wrong story; you've stumbled upon the wrong man; you're on the wrong damn city.

    Pintor activated 'sex pest mode' and before you could say 'bar fine' he had been saturated by a deluge of bodily fluids from at least nine separate females - all of whom possessed the incredible ability of being able to tap out a text message while being drilled up the shitter by an 18-inch dildo. Indeed, Pintor had brought with him a suitcase full of carnal apparatus. The man was totally, totally obsessed.


    After his testicles had been comprehensively drained of every last cubic millimetre of semen, he had been fisted by the mamasan, and the taxi driver's uncle had blasted his beans deep into the abyss of his anus, Pinter repaired to the nearest road-side eatery where he ordered a celebratory Khao Pad Gai with an egg on top.

    This, after all, had been one of the greatest days of his life - and the egg on top had been the cherry on the cake.

  2. #2
    Southern Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    You had me until...

    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    the taxi driver's uncle had blasted his beans deep into the abyss of his anus

  3. #3
    Custom user Neverna's Avatar
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    A cracker, Slap. Top notch, mate. Green sent.

  4. #4
    Southern Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    I've only just realised this is a spoof of Shrewed Punter's thread

  5. #5
    Pedantic bastard
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger View Post
    I've only just realised this is a spoof of Shrewed Punter's thread
    One can only hope.

    Not one of slaps finest. Think the cold is starting to get to him....

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    It was merely a lunch time doodle (i've run out of New Lives in the Wild episodes) — with man of the hour SP in mind.

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
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    ^thnx for the yarn. It was a bit bland, and as they say, not one of your finest. But a good quick read nonetheless.

    Btw, what happened to Malcolm? Has he gone troppo in Isaan, or jumped off a balcony in Pattaya?


  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
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    Green sent, slapper! Gave me the 'orn it did.

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by katie23
    It was a bit bland
    Getting fisted by an aging ex-whoopsie is bland now?

    Fancy meeting up for a spot of tea, Kate?



    Quote Originally Posted by kmart
    Gave me the 'orn it did.
    Me too. Didn't give Kate the horn though. I think I may have to stock up on kamagra.

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat
    aging one's Avatar
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    Best post in a long time. Some intellect and wit was involved.

  11. #11
    Southern Expat Dillinger's Avatar
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    ^ You mean across the board or from Slap?

  12. #12
    Thailand Expat
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    @slap - drop by Manila. We can have tea & balut. It's more effective than kamagra. Heh.

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Cool - nice one Kate.

    In the mean time, back to my trip.

    After a hard night contracting several dozen different strains of knob-rot from a variety of neon-lit knocking shops, I arrived back at my hotel to the sight of a sleeping security guard. Still feeling rampantly brazen (coz I can't get enough of it) I considered offering the slumbering fellow a few baht in return for hand relief, but instead simply flicked my nuts a couple of times and spontaneously shot my bolt in my underpants.

    Another notch on the bedpost...


  14. #14
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    I'm not gonna lie. This guy's sarong got me rigid.

    We've exchanged Line IDs, so with a bit of luck I'll be licking that skirt tonight.

    Here's a message exchange between us:

    SP: What time you come my room?

    Old man sombat: :-/

    SP: I have lau khao!!

    Old man sombat: :0


  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
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    Do you carry two phones, there's one in your left hand when you got that shot with your right.

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