Thread: The super-duper, splendid and tremendous adventures of Malcolm in Thailand

Can we chat with Malcolm?

He's been arrested for being drunk & disorderly at Gatwick after he got into a disagreement with a stag party heading for Prague. Both parties vehemently stood their ground about which was cheaper for a shag.

Malcolm swung a wild punch and missed an overweight sweaty Pete, who was also well inebriated at the hour of 7am. Pete from Dudley calmy leant back and poor Malcolm staggered and fell into a Haribo display in duty free, which gave way, leaving our hero not feeling so 'sweet' after all.
One consolation was he didn't suffer the indignity of the cops removing his shoelaces and belt, 'for his own safety' - he was already wearing his shorts, vest and slippers.

So now our man has to stump up a heftly chunk of his sex cash for another ticket, and an airline who would be willing to accept him on board after his antics.

Luckily, a Biman flight with 9hrs in Dhaka came up at £577.
Will our plucky hero take this flight or will he hang on longer for a bargain by loitering around at a cold windy Gatwick North Terminal?

I've heard on good authority from a security guard mate of mine at Gatwick, that a chap answering Malcolm's description was found asleep in a ladies toilet cubicle at the North Terminal in a pool of vomit. apparently his pants were around his ankles and he was clutching an MK handbag with a cool million Vietnamese Dong in used notes in one hand and an empty bottle of QC sherry in the other.

Originally Posted by Chittychangchang

I've heard on good authority from a security guard mate of mine at Gatwick, that a chap answering Malcolm's description was found asleep in a ladies toilet cubicle at the North Terminal in a pool of vomit. apparently his pants were around his ankles and he was clutching an MK handbag with a cool million Vietnamese Dong in used notes in one hand and an empty bottle of QC sherry in the other.

Close actually a transvestight ftom Surrey known as

WithnalWoking

Malc is being picked up from Suvannabum as we speak, as a TD celebrity he's being brought to a pie tasting event in Pattaya.

After that, he'll accompany DannyBoy to review a skull bar, Snakeye, our man on the frontline, will paste the report here before PattayaCumBoys will publish it.

Originally Posted by DJ Pat

He's been arrested for being drunk & disorderly at Gatwick after he got into a disagreement with a stag party heading for Prague. Both parties vehemently stood their ground about which was cheaper for a shag...

Originally Posted by stroller

Malc is being picked up from Suvannabum as we speak, as a TD celebrity he's being brought to a pie tasting event in Pattaya...

Who getz to write this story, slap? Just any old Sumbitch?

^ We're in a race...for that third cabbage, eh?

^ so he's landed in Bangkok, jolly good.

Originally Posted by somtamslap

The forthcoming festive holiday has trebled the amount of work I have to pretend to do

Please don't stop pretending.

How come he flew Thai airways now?

It's the gaping plot holes like these that make such tales a bit far fetched

He's wedged up having embezzled the account of the bowls club, the plot thickens ....

Malcome, fattened up with LT's wife's pies, has booked a bus to Roi-et for the 6th for another freebie and some real men's action.

Having a successful op at DrNob's bender reassignment and wog whitening Salon now he's a she and Mal-Enoma is plying her trade amongst the piemogers of Jomtien 50 baht to lick the crust off CSfan's prize or 99 baht for a good filling

This is one hell of a cliffhanger

No news is good news, though in this case I'm not so sure.

I hope he hasn't teamed up with Nilwith's school of elastic band twiddlers?

Is Slapper locked in the lav

Will Malcolm come out?

A rare case of Massbated breath?

Oh well, this Malcolm bloke's a no hoper.

He's probably inebriated in some 900 Baht hotel on second Road

Hopefully he's not laid unconcious for 18hrs after a rhohypnol dose from some street meat, stripped of his already meagre assets

Hold up.

I think I've developed PTSD after going shopping in Sainburys today.

Malcolm's move to leave the UK before the festive period was a canny one.

If you want to be simultaneously stressed, skint and sick to your stomach with cheese footballs and chocolate then don't delay - get thee to Heathrow pronto.

Malcolm is being groomed in a Pattaya basement as we speak.

I predict a daring & hazardous escape during the NY celebrations and an unexpected guest in Roi-Et on the 6th.

Mal come AWOL?

Form a posse , house to house first , then a sniffa.......?

https://www.youtube.com/user/InsaneClownPosseVEVO

Malcolm's got Bangkok Belly and has been shatting out vital organs for the last fortnight.

He's currently holed-up in a 150b/pn shack on Rambuttri - feel free to pop in and give him your best.