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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Fanny Boy reviews a random Isaan eatery




    Fanny Boy, aka El Fannero, was a little alarmed upon breaching the venue's boundaries to a note a small child urninating into a washing up bowl. Furthermore, he was greeted by an entity who El Fanneroro was eventuallly able to surmise was infact a human female. The Fantastical Twat, renoun for his exploits in the boudoir, immediately began to calculate the amount of alcohol he'd need in order to chuck a cock her way - and soon landed at quite a distressing figure; El Fannero would need to imbibe a potentially life-culminating quota of lau khao (at least three gallons) in order to exchange bodily fluids with his person.

    With this, El Fannero, aka The Fanatastical Twat, aka the Big FB, barged passed the brazen harlot who appeared deep in thought as she slowly masticated on an unsightly ball of betelnut, and made his way to a table where the pissing infant and the grotesque female weren't.

    A middle-aged wench came over to take his order.

    - I will have the cottage pie, please, he told the serving wench, - and sprinkle a smidgen of extra mature cheddar over the mash prior to its second visit to the oven, please love.

    The waitress was visibly taken aback. The words that had just been drawled at her by the bitch-ass punk mutha fucker that was EL Fannero may as well have been a series of moos from a cow, but she perservered nonetheless.

    - you want rice with that? she enquired

    -Look, you twat, sneered Fanny Boy, - I've just been sat at the back of a bus for the last six hours, and the last thing I want to eat, nay, to fucking well look at, is rice. Now fetch my fucking cottage pie you slant-eyed fuckwit!

    The waitress hustled off to the kitchen and began to prepare El Fannero's repast.

    Now well into his third hour sans a bunk up, El Fannero was beginning to get a wee bit tetchy. And noting that the old entity chewing a red ball of herbage was the only female present, he quickly ordered three bottles of lau khao which he drained in record time.

    The fantastical twat was now ready. He staggered towards the betel munching granny and slapped her arse. El Fannero had always opted for the chivalrous approach to courting.

    He then passed out, hitting the deck with an almighty clatter of bones.

    When he came to several hours later, the first thing he saw was a little boy's penis. It was pissing on him. The little boy was pissing on him. Next he saw the gnarled features of the granny who dribbled a steady stream of betel juice over his face. And then the waitress honed into view. She was holding a large rice cooker and began spooning boiled jasmine into El Fannero's face - one methodical mouthful at a time.

    - You must eat your rice, she crooned. - It will make you grow big and strong.


    Overall, El Fannero gives this little venue a strong 6/10

  2. #2
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    It will make you grow big and strong
    obviously wants his cock

  3. #3
    lom
    lom is offline
    Thailand Expat lom's Avatar
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    saeb lai deu

  4. #4
    POTUS HOCUS
    david44's Avatar
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    Keep chargin' ye tablets

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
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    I like the crudeness and depravity behind this character; he sounds like a proper twat who'd stand out in a pub full of twats in Twatstown.

    Very Viz-like.


  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
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    El Fannero is currently holed-up in a Kalasin brothel.

    El Fannero likes brothels.

  7. #7
    Thailand Expat
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    Will he appear in an animation, together with deadpan voiceover like Mal ?

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ^ Oh, if only. Those days of doing jack shit in Thailand will happen again though.

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