Thread: The Clash

Being married to a Thai is a wonderful life enhancing experience, but sometimes there is a clash of cultures.
Last Sunday in Londons Trafalgar Square Thai people gathered wearing black and some carried a framed portrait, and a 12 year old boy sang Thai songs.
We didn't attend, but on her smart phone Mary saw the proceedings.
So early yesterday morning Mary was telling Me that the Chorister boy singing in Thai was a wonderful event.
Now she dreams about our Son being able to do the same, and she would be an even more proud Mother if our Son could do the same.
Then she starts telling Me that it is all My fault that our Son cannot sing Thai national songs, and our Lad does not respect the King, because of My bad attitude. He gets it from you.
Our Son feels totally English, he does not associate himself with Thai culture at all.
I cannot relate to her cultural upbringing, so how can I pass it on to him, his Mother should have conditioned him, and She has tried but he resists.

️I stewed, eventually I raised My voice ( a no no in her culture) stating
" I have done more for you in your whole life than anybody else, including your Leaders"

You guys know the immense care that goes into looking after a Wife, lifting her out of a very boring life, trapped in a society that She dreamt of escaping from.

Yes I angrily shouted, stop running Me down, stop criticising Me, I've done more for you than your (.... )


I have been very restrained in writing this, so read between the lines. You are trained to think outside the box.

London Calling

Loss of privileges forecast

Kemosabi , call your good friend Tonto he will sort it out ,

maybe the best one
I think the cover was shot in thailand




Have the young man learn some Thai songs

I'm having a problem with Gert.
She wants me to throw out a pair of old underpants.

Originally Posted by klong toey

I'm having a problem with Gert.
She wants me to throw out a pair of old underpants.

Nothing worse than throwing ones underpants out, just when they're starting to get worn in and comfy.

Originally Posted by wasabi

his Mother should have conditioned him,

I would not have done the "I have done so much for you.." angle (It has nothing to do with the topic at hand and using it has undertones that you probably both want to avoid) and just concentrated on HER shortfalling in not raising the lad with some Thai culture. That was her job, and her job alone, but now she's blaming you.

Originally Posted by klong toey

I'm having a problem with Gert.
She wants me to throw out a pair of old underpants.

At least she confronts you on such an important issue.
My ex grandmother-in-law said not a word and early one morning threw my old favourites on a fire.
Despicable old hag.

Originally Posted by wasabi

I have been very restrained in writing this, so read between the lines. You are trained to think outside the box.

Treading carefully, if you threw something in her face that should have been long buried, you might be in store for an awful lot of grief in the future. That sort of thing can fester.

Originally Posted by wasabi

He gets it from you.

Reading between the lines, from the bit you wrote appears she is correct.

Encourage and support her in teaching your son Thai, some Thai culture and history. Will be a plus for your son in the future and certainly will do no harm.

Originally Posted by Norton

Encourage and support her in teaching your son Thai, some Thai culture and history.

He could always contribute: Ensure the lad never reads the Road Code would be the first thing, then that can be reinforced with lessons on how to drive the wrong way, inconsiderate parking etc.
How to offer or accept a bribe.
To eat 7 main meals a day.

There's a long list of things that could be imparted to a child by a non-Thai.

Originally Posted by nidhogg

Originally Posted by wasabi

I have been very restrained in writing this, so read between the lines. You are trained to think outside the box.

Treading carefully, if you threw something in her face that should have been long buried, you might be in store for an awful lot of grief in the future. That sort of thing can fester.

Beat me to it...will post anyways:

Beware mate: Throwing “I pulled you out of the gutter” type remarks in her face cannot ever be taken back, true or not...A slippery slope indeed.

Originally Posted by GracelessFawn

Women are women. We have layers upon layers of feelings

Yes, and add to that Asianess, and the layers get pretty confusing.
For a Western man.

If someone's blaming me for something that is manifestly not my fault then pardon me, but the 'layers' can fuck right off.

Is she really Thai....??

Originally Posted by cyrille

If someone's blaming me for something that is manifestly not my fault then pardon me, but the 'layers' can fuck right off.

555 Cy.

Complicate the matter with the Asian upbringing of 'shutting off' when we feel intense negative emotions..... In times of difficulty, we tend to get quieter and sombre, unless you're a female or gay friend, then, we might unload our shit. Its really difficult for Asians to open up. It takes a lot of practice for that. Sometimes, even creating superficial problems to masks our real feelings.

Take the boy to a Thai class for an hour and let the mum put pics on FB or line, then she will be happy.

Originally Posted by GracelessFawn

we might unload our shit

That sounds ominous and calculating and fairly frightening...Heh...Also, depends on the size of the "load"...

Thanks Grace, you have drawn My attention to the fact that Mary did say that she was sad over his death, very quiet about it, no wailing and gnashing of teeth. So yeh I had no empathy, still don't because I have always thought that crowds of mourners at public figures funerals and deaths a little odd.
Even when I lived in London Princess Diana croaked and I found it odd that thousands went to the trouble of going to Kensington Palace and placed flowers at the gate.
Another one was an American singer called Elvis, I watched on television thousands of weeping fans outside his Graceland house, I was young then and I didn't get it.
I am unable to be sad over folks I've never known in person.

I have been sad this week over the deaths of two people I know , both younger than me, one died of lung cancer and leaves a widow with two young children. The other is a man that was at school with me, blacks in Cape Town stabbed him to death in a robbery.

Mary and I are now fine, when I got home from work after my morning outburst, She had purchased me two new winter shirts, lumber Jack style . ( I like )
We both need each other.

Good luck with it mate, if you're given a chainsaw next the plot thickens

@wasabi - I'm glad all's well with you & your wife. Just try to accept that she's mourning the king, just like you're mourning your friends. I'm trying to follow the adage: if tiu can't say anything good, don't say anything at all - in RL (real life). Though it can be so hard sometimes! Lol.

Re: Thai culture, I'll share my experience. I'm half-Vietnamese & half-Filipino, but I grew up in PI. My first visit to Vn was as an adult already, since my family didn't have money for airfares & such when I was a kid. I speak very little Viet. When I was young, my mom didn't speak it with us - she spoke English. Maybe she wanted us to speak & learn English bwtter, as it was used in school. And maybe she wanted to improve her English too. She didn't "force" us to learn the language when we were kids. She was also working, so very busy. But she did teach us a bit about culture, food, etc. Now that I'm an adult, I find it a bit sad that I didn't learn the language when I was young, as it's a bit hard to master. Very tonal and monosyllabic like Chinese.

I've also encountered a half-Malaysian, half-Aussie guy - he grew up in Aus. I asked if he spoke Malay, he said he didn't. So now, he speaks only English. He said when he was a kid, he found learning the language a bother, and felt that it interfered with his playtime with friends.

So I guess if your wife wants your son to learn the language & culture, it's her role to teach him. Either by herself, or bring him to Thai classes.

I have a friend from high school, now living in the US. She's married to a Chinese American guy. They're teaching their kid to be trilingual. Mom speaks Tagalog/Filipino, dad speaks Mandarin, parents speak English to each other. The kid (now 4 y.o) will learn English anyway, once she goes to school.

I also know of an Indian couple, living in the US, who bring their daughters to Indian dance classes. They also insist on speaking their dialect when at home. The daughters now speak with American accents. The parents speak with Indian accents (though reduced, since they've lived for long in the US).

There's another couple I know, girl is Taiwanese, guy is from Belarus, but they live in Germany. Their kids speak four languages - Mandarin, Russian, German & English. I think their kids are great! When I met the kids, they were very polite & well-behaved, and spoke English with us foreigners.

Sorry for the long post & for typos. Am on fone. All the best to your family - both the wife & son! I hope he grows up to speak Thai too. Cheers!