Thread: New iPhone 7 headphones to be inserted anally

Apple reveals iPhone 7 headphones to be inserted anally



THE ‘headphones’ for the new iPhone are designed to be worn inside the rectum, Apple has confirmed.

CEO Tim Cook explained that the tiny pod-like wireless devices should be coated with petroleum jelly and gently inserted into the user.

He said: “The human rectum is surprisingly receptive to sound waves, it’s actually like a ‘third ear’ and you will love feeling the bass right inside you.

“I wouldn’t want to leave them in there too long though, something bad might happen. That’s why the battery life is quite short.

“You can wear them in your ears too, although I wouldn’t recommend switching between the two regions. Choose your favourite and stick to it.”

He added: “Best of all, it’s so discreet. I’m wearing some now and you didn’t even notice.”

Apple fan Tom Logan said: “This is the perfect way to enjoy a free U2 album.”

Originally Posted by Chittychangchang

THE ‘headphones’ for the new iPhone are designed to be worn inside the rectum, Apple has confirmed.

I've also heard, so to speak that they'll fit under your foreskin...crank it up....

These kind of stories crack me up

Originally Posted by Chittychangchang

He said: “The human rectum is surprisingly receptive to sound waves, it’s actually like a ‘third ear’ and you will love feeling the bass right inside you.

Whitnall has long known that.
He'll be very pleased to learn that there are more discrete devices available now.

Playing classical music to flowers helps them grow, so will this in house music make your cock crow.

There are a few guys on this forum who have their heads so far up other posters arses that those head phones would be impossible to reach.

I'm sure they would insert something to try though.

Originally Posted by lom

Whitnall has long known that.

I think he said he puts the whole dolby max bose set in - right next to where the elephant sleeps

I bet Harry can't wait for the Samsung version to be inserted into his arse

Originally Posted by CSFFan

I've also heard, so to speak that they'll fit under your foreskin...crank it up....

Unless you are Jewish...

Originally Posted by NZdick1983

Unless you are Jewish...

A Jew wouldn't buy such an expensive phone...though they probably own most of Apple's stock.

I ordered 3.. cuz i be a tripple azzvhole

Rectal Beats , no way back

Ain't technological advancement grand.....

Surely they're taking the piss...Nobody would buy a white set...

Do they help cure Piles?

So full of shit man

They will fall out of your loose anus - or be lost 'power walking'... heh

I'll stick to my Jabra bluetooth headset.... proper over-ear numbers, I'm not into inserting foreign objects into my body, thanks...

Anyway... are any of you lads going to buy the new IP7 (or plus) ?... or skip this mildly upgraded iteration for the big changes coming in IP8?

Originally Posted by lom

Whitnall has long known that.
He'll be very pleased to learn that there are more discrete devices available now.

Not a single fook was given by Withnall...

Originally Posted by david44

Rectal Beats , no way back

Fooking funny as hell, david...And probably accurate...555...

Originally Posted by NZdick1983

They will fall out of your loose anus

Heh...Speak for yerself, NZ...

Mind you, they'd probably hold a charge...Looks like the square end is your digital read-out...Wind speed, body temp, etc...

But how the fook do you read it?...

^ No one gives a toss about the new I-bone? it's not got yer excited?

my mum asked what I want for my birthday, I said an iphone 7 plus... she said, how about a new Ferrari?

I think she must be kidding...(we can live in hope though ey?)

had a play with one today...*iphone 7 (not a Ferrari) meh, same same..

Originally Posted by NZdick1983

she said, how about a new Ferrari?

I can sit beside you in that ferrari??

^ Heh...

Is this an attempt at beating the Bose QC35s ?

They're gonna have to come up with a better gimmick than that....

Originally Posted by NZdick1983

my mum asked what I want for my birthday