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  1. #1
    Utopian Expat
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    New iPhone 7 headphones to be inserted anally

    Apple reveals iPhone 7 headphones to be inserted anally



    THE ‘headphones’ for the new iPhone are designed to be worn inside the rectum, Apple has confirmed.

    CEO Tim Cook explained that the tiny pod-like wireless devices should be coated with petroleum jelly and gently inserted into the user.

    He said: “The human rectum is surprisingly receptive to sound waves, it’s actually like a ‘third ear’ and you will love feeling the bass right inside you.

    “I wouldn’t want to leave them in there too long though, something bad might happen. That’s why the battery life is quite short.

    “You can wear them in your ears too, although I wouldn’t recommend switching between the two regions. Choose your favourite and stick to it.”

    He added: “Best of all, it’s so discreet. I’m wearing some now and you didn’t even notice.”

    Apple fan Tom Logan said: “This is the perfect way to enjoy a free U2 album.”

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    THE ‘headphones’ for the new iPhone are designed to be worn inside the rectum, Apple has confirmed.
    I've also heard, so to speak that they'll fit under your foreskin...crank it up....

  3. #3
    Being chased by sloths DJ Pat's Avatar
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    These kind of stories crack me up

  4. #4
    lom
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    Thailand Expat lom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    He said: “The human rectum is surprisingly receptive to sound waves, it’s actually like a ‘third ear’ and you will love feeling the bass right inside you.
    Whitnall has long known that.
    He'll be very pleased to learn that there are more discrete devices available now.

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
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    Playing classical music to flowers helps them grow, so will this in house music make your cock crow.

  6. #6
    Thailand Expat terry57's Avatar
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    There are a few guys on this forum who have their heads so far up other posters arses that those head phones would be impossible to reach.

    I'm sure they would insert something to try though.

  7. #7
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lom
    Whitnall has long known that.
    I think he said he puts the whole dolby max bose set in - right next to where the elephant sleeps

  8. #8
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    I bet Harry can't wait for the Samsung version to be inserted into his arse

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by CSFFan
    I've also heard, so to speak that they'll fit under your foreskin...crank it up....
    Unless you are Jewish...

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by NZdick1983
    Unless you are Jewish...
    A Jew wouldn't buy such an expensive phone...though they probably own most of Apple's stock.

  11. #11
    I am in Jail
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    I ordered 3.. cuz i be a tripple azzvhole


  12. #12
    POTUS HOCUS
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    Rectal Beats , no way back

  13. #13
    Thailand Expat
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    Ain't technological advancement grand.....

  14. #14
    Thailand Expat

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    Surely they're taking the piss...Nobody would buy a white set...

  15. #15
    Thailand Expat
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    Do they help cure Piles?

  16. #16
    Hifaluten Member
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    So full of shit man

  17. #17
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    They will fall out of your loose anus - or be lost 'power walking'... heh

    I'll stick to my Jabra bluetooth headset.... proper over-ear numbers, I'm not into inserting foreign objects into my body, thanks...

    Anyway... are any of you lads going to buy the new IP7 (or plus) ?... or skip this mildly upgraded iteration for the big changes coming in IP8?

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat

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    Quote Originally Posted by lom
    Whitnall has long known that.
    He'll be very pleased to learn that there are more discrete devices available now.
    Not a single fook was given by Withnall...

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by david44
    Rectal Beats , no way back
    Fooking funny as hell, david...And probably accurate...555...

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by NZdick1983
    They will fall out of your loose anus
    Heh...Speak for yerself, NZ...

    Mind you, they'd probably hold a charge...Looks like the square end is your digital read-out...Wind speed, body temp, etc...

    But how the fook do you read it?...

  21. #21
    Thailand Expat

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    ^ No one gives a toss about the new I-bone? it's not got yer excited?

    my mum asked what I want for my birthday, I said an iphone 7 plus... she said, how about a new Ferrari?

    I think she must be kidding...(we can live in hope though ey?)

    had a play with one today...*iphone 7 (not a Ferrari) meh, same same..

  22. #22
    I am in Jail

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    Quote Originally Posted by NZdick1983
    she said, how about a new Ferrari?
    I can sit beside you in that ferrari??

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat

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    ^ Heh...

  24. #24
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    Is this an attempt at beating the Bose QC35s ?

    They're gonna have to come up with a better gimmick than that....

  25. #25
    'ello 'ello 'ello Luigi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NZdick1983 View Post
    my mum asked what I want for my birthday

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