My duathlon journey 2016

**somtamslap** · 20-07-2016, 11:05 PM

I've recently rediscovered the sheer joy that is to partake of several ice cold cans of premium strength lager before phoning my mate Abdul - proprietor of my local doner kebab outfit - and ordering up "a bag or two of that greasy shit you have the gumption to call food, please friend." Naturally he obliges and miniutes later I sit - gut bulging boisterously through my shirt on its dogged quest for world domination.

In order to counter-act this habit, and look a little less round and sweaty, I decided - in a moment of what can only be described as acute insanity - to enter what is widely regarded as the toughest duathlon in the United Kingdom. The running legs are a combined 16 miles and the cycling just 24, but to make matters highly unpleasant the entire event is based up, on, and around a hill.

Race day isn't for another three months, which gives me the opportunity to train myself to cover vast distances on foot in tandem with hill repeats on the bicycle. I will also need to lose a stone or so in weight in order not to expire on the slopes of the duathlon hill.

In order for this thread not to bore the living shat out of everyone but me, I will be making it a largely pictorial affair, with photographs of scenery on training runs, and maps, and any other images which might potentially be of interest.

Firstly. Here's yours truly on hill repeat detail - about two miles outside of Croydon.

**Dillinger** · 20-07-2016, 11:13 PM

Are you that skinny coont with the Looper style calves, I dont see anyone hanging out the back of a sheep?

**Neverna** · 20-07-2016, 11:43 PM

Who's flying the drone? Godfrey?

**somtamslap** · 21-07-2016, 01:02 AM

Originally Posted by Dillinger

Are you that skinny coont with the Looper style calves

Negative. I'm the fat fuck with the wobbly bottom.

Originally Posted by Dillinger

I dont see anyone hanging out the back of a sheep?

Booby's up there, just out of shot. "Educating the little lambs", he said.

Originally Posted by Neverna

Who's flying the drone? Godfrey?

Yes, Godfrey has indeed been tasked with photography for this project. The fucking degenerate wreck.

**klong toey** · 21-07-2016, 01:21 AM

Luckily for you this event is down hill only.

**somtamslap** · 21-07-2016, 03:07 AM

Having said all that, I've just greedily quaffed two ice cold tins of lager and I'm quite certain that I like drinking and smoking more than I like duathlons, and I'm now considering taking a hammer to my bicycle.

I blame this incorrigible heat - the UK simple isn't built for temperatures exceeding 17 degrees. But thinking further on the matter, moments of sobriety in Thailand were fleeting at most and heavy boozing may be the only defence against such an appalling climate.

Anyway, you'll have to excuse me. The Spar is about to close and Sanjay purveys an exceptional line in cheap Polish piss.

**Chittychangchang** · 21-07-2016, 04:23 AM

Get on it like a car bonnet Slaps, you need to keep hydrated is this heat.
WTF are you doing running 16 miles?That's heart attack stuff..

**patsycat** · 22-07-2016, 08:48 PM

If you can make it to Edinburgh next week. I'll buy you a pint!!

**Chittychangchang** · 22-07-2016, 11:55 PM

Originally Posted by patsycat

If you can make it to Edinburgh next week. I'll buy you a pint!!

Good idea and incentive for slaps duathlon.

He could do with the training, another lejog beckons?

**somtamslap** · 30-08-2016, 10:43 PM

This is going reasonably well.

Although the running is weraking havoc with my botty muscles. And I finished a 12 miler on Saturday with what felt like a broken foot. But alas, an hour or so later and all was well.

I have a half marathon coming up in a couple of weeks. My aim is simply to finish it in less than two hours.

Here are some piccies I've taken on my runs.

Dorset:

Hampshire:

What specifically am I trying to snap here? Any ideas?

Weymouth marina

Was stopped in my tracks by this big fucker fettling about in the water...

**klong toey** · 30-08-2016, 10:46 PM

Parhelia, sundogs.

**Chittychangchang** · 30-08-2016, 11:52 PM

A vision in the clouds or those hot dog legs protruding from the hay bale.

**somtamslap** · 31-08-2016, 01:18 AM

You've really got to squint. I mean I took the bastard photo and even I'm struggling to see them in the sky.

**klong toey** · 31-08-2016, 01:20 AM

I think I I see a birds of prey?

**somtamslap** · 31-08-2016, 01:24 AM

I reckon you do.

Obviously the detailing is such that you'll be able to make out the species...

**klong toey** · 31-08-2016, 01:26 AM

Buzzard trying to guess by wing shape.

**patsycat** · 31-08-2016, 03:49 AM

Are those leopard print trainers?

**Maanaam** · 31-08-2016, 07:34 AM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

But alas, an hour or so later and all was well.

Great turn of phrase.
Love your waxing lyrical.

**Bogon** · 31-08-2016, 06:35 PM

I presume you were trying to capture a magnificent eagle in flight captured in the center of the sun, thus producing a remarkable and rare silhouette.

What you actually achieved was a dead tree and some hay.

**Dillinger** · 31-08-2016, 07:28 PM

Is that one of those dogger's mining helmets in the hedge?

**beerlaodrinker** · 31-08-2016, 07:28 PM

Hmmn Note to self. Don't go swimming in Weymouth
Don't order kebabs from Abdul in croyden
Totally bypass Hampshire
Be friend Sanjay and drink cheap polish piss
Don't enter duathalons
Don't eat jellied eels in Weymouth.

Crack on slappers, you fit barstard

**beerlaodrinker** · 31-08-2016, 07:30 PM

Note to self
Don't forget my miners helmet when dogging in hampshire

**katie23** · 31-08-2016, 08:41 PM

^^55, bld

Mr. Slap, are you insured against deer? For the odd deer attack...

(If you don't know abt the deer, see the world news section, can't post link frm this fone)

**patsycat** · 01-09-2016, 03:38 AM

Don't worry, Katie, those are Irish deer. A whole total diffrerent set of deer.

**BigRed** · 01-09-2016, 05:02 AM

I thought you were referring to the bright green dot in two of your pictures

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