Thread: Show us your impulse buy

Was listening to Fox News a few days ago and during a morning show two women were all in a tizzy about the new Raspberry Rally Girl Scout cookie selling on the net for as much as 100.00 per box (cost is usually between 5.00 to 7.00).

Got online to see which Publix or Winn Dixie they would be selling cookies at this weekend.

Found one troop scheduled to sell in front of a Publix. I didn’t want to have to drive all that way for the cookies we like. So, I got online........

Already gave two boxes away.

Unworried by cross dressing just got this in Royal Blue Chelsea colors for my trip to London, to blend in and shoplift in Harrods with impunity !



Trying the Burqa on daily after a dip I found oddly stimulating, is this normal?

PS is there any noticeable buying $50-$60 level single Malt on a direct flight BKK to LHR , last time I bought duty free in Swampy , it was more than UK supermarket prices ? I may just buy another Burqa in Man Chitty colors for a "friend " in Crewe, he doesn't get out much apart from virtual culinary tours and Hornpub.

Here's my purchase for today:



Which is actually not what it appears to be:



The reason for this purchase is that I plan to return to teach in Mandalay (Myanmar) later this year after my sex-change operation (I mean prostate surgery!). Right now, Myanmar is a much more dangerous place than when I last taught there around 2018. Apart from the risk of being killed accidentally by gunfire/bombs that the locals are chucking at the police and military, it seems that petty crime and muggings have rocketed over the past 2 years.

The reason is because the police are no longer interested to do anything to crack down on these crimes (they are too busy shooting civilians). Plus those who are victims are often unable to report these crimes to the police because the police stations are barricaded and civilians are not allowed to enter. Even if they were, locals are scared of being accused of being police informers if they are seen entering a police station.

This means that I need to be careful of muggings on the dark streets. The problem is of concern since the banking system is buggered and ATMs no longer work (as I found last September in Yangon). So I am paid in USD cash and therefore will end up with $24,000 cash or so by the time I fly to Bangkok to drop this money into my Thai bank account. Rather than carrying thousands of USD when I go out on the streets, it seems a better idea to hide the money in my hotel room. (Never trust hotel room safes - the hotel staff know how to open them!). So hide the money in 'clear view'.

This plan should work, unless the hotel staff/burglar is aware that I am a useless teacher and would never buy a dictionary, so why do I have a dictionary in my room?!


Now speaking of dictionaries, I must repeat a hilarious extract from a Teakdoor post that I made in 2012, in case it was missed:



Some interesting events from last night - the following are true events, no porkies.

The following day (Thursday) is a public holiday in Myanmar - something to do with the full moon of the 14th Waso. Burmese measure time/months in Wasos.

So I decided not to go to bed early as is my norm, but to venture out to the cattle show at the ungodly hour of 9pm, (the bar/restaurant closes at 11.30pm).

On my previous visit, the food and drink was good enough, and the few girls who paraded on stage were pleasing to the eye.

Tonight however, as I savoured a large bottle of cold Myanmar beer, I was in for a surprise. At 9pm on the dot, a whole bevy of 'show-girls' began to arrive. After counting 50 of them, I stopped counting. Then the music started - Rock Lobster by the B52s (Burmese language version), followed by Jamaica Farewell by Jimmy Buffet, (Burmese version again).

The girls paraded on the stage and catwalk. Some of them wore full-length and elegant Burmese dresses, others wore a similar style Chinese dress, other girls sported tiny hot pants or faded denim shorts, whilst others paraded in casual clothes, jeans and T-shirt. There were no bare boobs - all quite civilised.

How would I rate them? Given my current forced celibate state for several years, (my wife doesn't do sex!), I would rate a mange-ridden sheep at a good 7, maybe an 8 if gumboots were supplied. These girls ranged from amateur and coy up to red-hot! There was not one FAT girl amongst them and I bet they were all born as girls.

Interesting for those who like a nice rack, (I'm not fussed myself), many girls had plenty of bosom, and I bet there wasn't any silicone within 200 metres of the catwalk.

The girls smiled at me and winked, and a discrete conversation with the bar-staff confirmed that they could offer after-hours entertainment...

(Of course, I was merely checking these facts to better understand the ins and outs of Burmese culture)

I ordered 2 servings of chicken wings, another large beer and some French fries, and settled down to watch the show, (I actually wanted to see what happened when the bar/restaurant closed at 11.30pm)

The girls' mamasan appeared beside me. She, (actually I think it was once a he), was a dwarf, about 3 feet 6 inches tall. (Isn't it strange how dwarfs seem to end up in positions of authority or power? I was thinking about the dwarf doorman on Sukhumvit Road, forgot the name of the bar...)

My instincts told me that to improve my chances of getting inside the girls' pants, I should befriend the dwarf mamasan, and so we chatted together, although he/she/it could only speak a little English.

'Wait' she said, 'I have to dance'. and with those words, the stage and catwalk were cleared of the beauties, and this dwarf began to furiously dance alone on stage, whirring around like an out-of-control frisbee. Imagine if you were in Rainbow Agogo, and the stage was cleared of the girls to allow a shrivelled dwarf to strut her stuff? Totally weird! But in order to further my cunning plan, I paid 100 baht for a waiter to put a length of Xmas tinsel around her neck. Being a dwarf, this tinsel all but smothered her

I had wondered what the girls would do between dances, and I very surprised to find that after a couple of dances, these girls would gather their belongings and all walk out of the bar, perhaps going to a similar and alternative establishment. How this worked out financially for the girls was not clear to me. Although I was assured that they could be bar-fined, I did not see one girl sitting with any of the Burmese guys, (perhaps I had unwittingly wandered into a gay bar???). BTW, I was the only foreigner in the bar.

To further my suspicions on this, a sad, middle-aged man sidled up to me for some small talk. It turned out that he was the keyboard player for the backing band.

'Beautiful girls' he said, waving his hand at the ladies on stage.

'Yes very nice' I replied. (Actually - very nice was a severe understatement, and I could have happily banged any one (or two or three) of them right there and then on my table.

The man leaned forward and whispered 'I like Longmans'.

I wasn't too sure whether this was some covert Burmese phrase for uphill gardening, so I replied 'Ah, which girl is that then?'

'No, Longmans English, very nice dik'.

Now I was convinced that he was offering something pink and fleshy to me, so I stared at him, expressionless.

He leaned forward even more and whispered 'Of course, Oxford English Dictionary is also very good'

WTF!? - this guy wants to discuss the merits of English dictionaries whilst there is a parade of beautiful ladies within metres of us? I guess that working as the keyboard player in a bar full of crumpet could get rather boring after a while. I quite fancied one of the girls who was wearing tiny black pvc shorts, but still had a nagging doubt that her name could be Longmans and she was married to the keyboard player....