Thread: I was strutting down the street...

Originally Posted by somtamslap

strutting

Trouble began right here...

Look on the bright side, Monty...You didn't shit yourself...Or her...

Originally Posted by BaitongBoy

Trouble began right here...

True. That'll teach me to be a ponce.

You sure know how to impress women with your Lynx and Goot aroma, she smiled at you.

Originally Posted by wasabi

You sure know how to impress women with your Lynx

You mean the dregs of a Sure Men Original roll-on - THE CHEAPEST DEODORANT IN ENGLAND. Oh, the shame! Oh, the shame of it all!

heres some ladies you might impress.

Slaps you should have smiled back at her and fired another one off, its not like it could get any worse so just enjoy the moment

Class. Pure class.
That is all.

Originally Posted by taxexile

heres some ladies you might impress.

These girls got game.

Originally Posted by Stinky

Slaps you should have smiled back at her and fired another one off

I'd already emptied the mag. It was a volley of very boisterous flatulence indeed.

Originally Posted by somtamslap

Originally Posted by Stinky

Slaps you should have smiled back at her and fired another one off

I'd already emptied the mag. It was a volley of very boisterous flatulence indeed.

Well I'm sure you left a lasting impression anyway and that's what matters most

Originally Posted by somtamslap

and after a meek apology

should have said 'Jees I gotta fix that' .might even impress.

Originally Posted by somtamslap

I'd just put in a hard hour down the gym and was feeling rather fucking pleased with myself. Jeans and t-shirt back on, I pop in the headphones, crank up the audiobook and strut down the road, cool as a fucking cucumber. I mean, I've got a real confidence about me; I am swaggering - at this moment in time, I'm walking the walk - I own this town.

A wave of methane then traces its way through my intestines, and I cock a leg to part with one of the loudest farts I've ever heard - I mean I could hear the fucker over Bill Bryson's dulcet tones. I look behind me and less than a metre back is a beautiful girl suppressing a smirk.

Suddenly I'm the smallest person on the planet, and after a meek apology I run home crying.

Darn this perpetual flatulence.

Jim's exhaused and Jeffrey is devastated

P.S well ridden them Lewis's chips in Newly keep you going forever used to root adjacent

Think yourself lucky,if you drank another spoonful of water you would of shit yourself.

Originally Posted by billy the kid

should have said 'Jees I gotta fix that' .might even impress

I wish I'd plumped for 'any more choke and that would've started', but alas, humiliation got the better of me.

Originally Posted by david44

Lewis's chips in Newly

Chip overload could be part of the problem.

Originally Posted by nigelandjan

I was cycling home one night going like a train when I got up off the saddle and cracked one off you would have been proud of , when some bird overtook me on a racing bike as if I was standing still ,, as she passed me she said "
" I'm glad the winds behind us !"

I like it, Nigel. A lot. More flatulence anecdotes please. They make me feel like less of an underpant thug.

The kids think my botty burps are hilarious, inevitably long, loud and raspy. I always blame one of them since the dog passed on.
I don't know any cyclist who does not raise his derrierre from the saddle in order to pass gas. Lumpy lycra is a dead giveaway.

Walking farts.
Be careful.

So the isaan mating call doesn't work quite as well in the UK as it does in the boonies then? Maybe you should have accompanied the guff with a shot of ya dong, a smack around her chops whilst nobbing her sister?

Originally Posted by pseudolus

So the isaan mating call doesn't work quite as well in the UK as it does in the boonies then? Maybe you should have accompanied the guff with a shot of ya dong, a smack around her chops whilst nobbing her sister?

Heh...

Originally Posted by somtamslap

I cock a leg to part with one of the loudest farts I've ever heard

Calling bullshit on this.

Slapper farts like a baby girl.

one of lifes lessons to be learnt, never crack one off whilst wearing headphones.

A few versions of this around...

The Queen was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the royal stable, when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn't be ignored. "Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that." "It's quite understandable," said the Archbishop, and after a moment, added, "as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse."