Fear and constipation in Croydon city central

**somtamslap** · 21-05-2015, 07:51 PM

The sun is shining in Croydon today.

But down in my large intestines there's a veritable tempest a brew.

For I, dear sirs, am constipated. Incorrigibly so.

I feel like I've been fisted by Frank fucking Bruno.

And as I sit here, in my office, amid some 30 colleagues — most of whom would be startled into the fetal position should I dare cock a deft buttock perchance to permeate the air with rectal gas — I can't help but ponder the events which are bound to ensue this afternoon.

For I have just imbibed a liberal quota of Lactulose. And promises of an imminent explosion of the anus have been made.

So I wait with bated buttocks...

I fear this building will shortly be reduced to rubble.

Watch this space.

**taxexile** · 21-05-2015, 07:55 PM

**thaimeme** · 21-05-2015, 07:56 PM

Reevaluate your diet and lifestyle.

Or....

**Stinky** · 21-05-2015, 08:00 PM

Drink more beer, real beer not that lager pisswater

**Dragonfly94** · 21-05-2015, 08:27 PM

Nothing is so over rated as a bad fuk, or so under rated as a good shit.

**thaimeme** · 21-05-2015, 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by Dragonfly94

Nothing is so over rated as a bad fuk, or so under rated as a good shit.

Both are overthought...

**somtamslap** · 21-05-2015, 08:41 PM

Some sizeable rumblings currently emanating from the lower abdomen.

45 minutes max until splash down... and further anal lacerations.

**Stinky** · 21-05-2015, 08:44 PM

Them fissures can be a propper bugger!

**somtamslap** · 21-05-2015, 09:40 PM

Originally Posted by Stinky

Them fissures can be a propper bugger!

Indeed, Stinky. I feel like a stampede of wildebeest have migrated up my anus.

**Stinky** · 21-05-2015, 09:44 PM

Now there's a thought I'd rather not have running around inside my head!

**Cujo** · 21-05-2015, 09:50 PM

Lets just hope the stalls aren't all occupied when the time comes.

**Chittychangchang** · 21-05-2015, 09:55 PM

a bottle of large Chang should do the trick

**somtamslap** · 21-05-2015, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by Koojo

Lets just hope the stalls aren't all occupied when the time comes.

Splash down occurred at approximately 15.44 hrs.

Although the expected volley of discharge did not happen.

Wind!

Nothing but bawdy flatulence.

A further 30mgs has been subsequently necked.

**somtamslap** · 21-05-2015, 10:06 PM

Originally Posted by Chittychangchang

a bottle of large Chang should do the trick

Got any spare?

**Chittychangchang** · 21-05-2015, 10:12 PM

I fear I may be to late in my delivery from oop north, my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

**somtamslap** · 21-05-2015, 10:24 PM

^ Obliged, comrade.

The battle of the botty continues...

**Stinky** · 21-05-2015, 10:34 PM

You should get a campaign at least and if your arse blows a gasket a purple heart too!

**baldrick** · 21-05-2015, 11:16 PM

what has been the choice of porn mag ?

big , black and blurting ?

**somtamslap** · 22-05-2015, 03:14 AM

Originally Posted by baldrick

what has been the choice of porn mag ?

Same as ever.

Big Buttocks and Bacon Burgers monthly

**Gerbil** · 22-05-2015, 04:31 AM

Originally Posted by Chittychangchang

a bottle of large Chang should do the trick

Imbibed, or inserted?

**kingwilly** · 22-05-2015, 04:52 AM

I hope to fuck that he's finished....disturbing lack on end to this thread.

**somtamslap** · 22-05-2015, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by kingwilly

....disturbing lack on end to this thread.

I'm still licking my wounds here.

**mingmong** · 22-05-2015, 01:45 PM

a bottle of large Chang should do the trick

or a fisting from King Willy!

**somtamslap** · 22-05-2015, 01:53 PM

I've apparently had my fill of fisting.

**Topper** · 22-05-2015, 04:54 PM

Originally Posted by somtamslap

I'm still licking my wounds here.

Thanks for the image that puts into mind....

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