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  1. #1
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Fear and constipation in Croydon city central

    The sun is shining in Croydon today.

    But down in my large intestines there's a veritable tempest a brew.

    For I, dear sirs, am constipated. Incorrigibly so.

    I feel like I've been fisted by Frank fucking Bruno.

    And as I sit here, in my office, amid some 30 colleagues most of whom would be startled into the fetal position should I dare cock a deft buttock perchance to permeate the air with rectal gas I can't help but ponder the events which are bound to ensue this afternoon.

    For I have just imbibed a liberal quota of Lactulose. And promises of an imminent explosion of the anus have been made.

    So I wait with bated buttocks...

    I fear this building will shortly be reduced to rubble.

    Watch this space.

  2. #2
    Thailand Expat
    taxexile's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Thailand Expat
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    Reevaluate your diet and lifestyle.


    Or....



  4. #4
    Thailand Expat
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    Drink more beer, real beer not that lager pisswater

  5. #5
    Banned

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    Nothing is so over rated as a bad fuk, or so under rated as a good shit.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonfly94 View Post
    Nothing is so over rated as a bad fuk, or so under rated as a good shit.
    Both are overthought...

  7. #7
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Some sizeable rumblings currently emanating from the lower abdomen.

    45 minutes max until splash down... and further anal lacerations.

  8. #8
    Thailand Expat
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    Them fissures can be a propper bugger!

  9. #9
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stinky
    Them fissures can be a propper bugger!
    Indeed, Stinky. I feel like a stampede of wildebeest have migrated up my anus.

  10. #10
    Thailand Expat
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    Now there's a thought I'd rather not have running around inside my head!

  11. #11
    En route
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    Lets just hope the stalls aren't all occupied when the time comes.

  12. #12
    Utopian Expat
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    a bottle of large Chang should do the trick

  13. #13
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Koojo
    Lets just hope the stalls aren't all occupied when the time comes.
    Splash down occurred at approximately 15.44 hrs.

    Although the expected volley of discharge did not happen.

    Wind!

    Nothing but bawdy flatulence.

    A further 30mgs has been subsequently necked.

  14. #14
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang
    a bottle of large Chang should do the trick
    Got any spare?

  15. #15
    Utopian Expat
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    I fear I may be to late in my delivery from oop north, my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

  16. #16
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ^ Obliged, comrade.

    The battle of the botty continues...

  17. #17
    Thailand Expat
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    You should get a campaign at least and if your arse blows a gasket a purple heart too!

  18. #18
    disturbance in the Turnip baldrick's Avatar
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    what has been the choice of porn mag ?

    big , black and blurting ?

  19. #19
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by baldrick
    what has been the choice of porn mag ?
    Same as ever.

    Big Buttocks and Bacon Burgers monthly

  20. #20
    The Pikey Hunter
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chittychangchang View Post
    a bottle of large Chang should do the trick
    Imbibed, or inserted?

  21. #21
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    I hope to fuck that he's finished....disturbing lack on end to this thread.

  22. #22
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kingwilly
    ....disturbing lack on end to this thread.
    I'm still licking my wounds here.

  23. #23
    Thailand Expat
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    a bottle of large Chang should do the trick
    or a fisting from King Willy!

  24. #24
    splendid and tremendous
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    I've apparently had my fill of fisting.

  25. #25
    Custom Title Changer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I'm still licking my wounds here.
    Thanks for the image that puts into mind....

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