Fun with words

[toslti]

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's Winners. Read them carefully. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the lot:

17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

[toslti]

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.


I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.


England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.


They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.


I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.


Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.


I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.


This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.


When chemists die, they barium.


I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.


I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.


PMS jokes aren't funny. Period...


Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.


I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?


When you get a bladder infection; urine trouble.


Broken pencils are pointless.


What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.


I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.


All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.


I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.


Velcro - what a rip off!

[peaches]

I know it's not related, but.

Edward Woodward ..... Ed wood wood would.