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  1. #1
    Pedantic bastard
    nidhogg's Avatar
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    Alas, dear slap we knew him well

    It is with great regret and sadness we have all witnessed the passing of the late great Somtamslap. Too many train journeys, crammed cheek to butt cheek with the great unwashed masses of UK have finally taken their toll.

    The ravager of Issan, with bottle of Lau Kao in one hand and mighty throbbing member in the other is no more. Well known for his ability to crack out a sneaky one while watching Ma bend over to pound the pla rah, drink illegally brewed beverages with "herbs" and the famed buggerer of cats is no more. Weep, weep for Slap.

    But Lo! a new poster arises from the ashes. With his first two threads : "Great British nosh -Cor what!" and "Young people f*cking - they should be stopped!" he has already been inducted into the venerable order of the British Flat cap society:




    An allotment on which to grow amusingly shaped vegetables has been assigned to him:








    and he is required, by law to purchase within the next three month either a whippet:



    a ferret:



    or racing pigeons:





    So, although the famed "Somtamslap" brand is under new management, look out for great forthcoming threads:

    "Look at the price of butter nowadays"

    "Why are the trains always late"

    and the most eagerly awaited:

    "Finally bought my ticket back to Thailand"

  2. #2
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
    withnallstoke's Avatar
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    Somtamslap may be the new host of "Top Gear".


  3. #3
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    I'm not sure where this is going? Slap meets up with Gravy Davy?

  4. #4
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by withnallstoke View Post
    Somtamslap may be the new host of "Top Gear".

    Top Gear Thailand, surely

  5. #5
    Thailand Expat
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    ^^Somtamslope, yes.

  6. #6
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg
    The ravager of Issan
    Now this has a delightful little ring to it.



    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg
    "Why are the trains always late"
    Fine idea. Stayed tuned!

  7. #7
    Lord of Swine
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    I'm expecting an educational thread on exactly how long and how deeply to dunk a shortbread biscuit in hot tea before density and specific gravity changes cause the dunked end to break off.

    A picture thread obviously.

  8. #8
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ You may jest, but shortbread is one of the more resilient dunkers.

  9. #9
    Custom Title Changer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necron99
    I'm expecting an educational thread on exactly how long and how deeply to dunk a shortbread biscuit in hot tea before density and specific gravity changes cause the dunked end to break off.

    A picture thread obviously.
    I did this as a kid with Oreo cookies and milk....

  10. #10
    Custom user Neverna's Avatar
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    How about a "Coronation Street Fantasy Bone China" thread, Slap?

  11. #11
    Thailand Expat
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    A new gig on Eastenders?

  12. #12
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub View Post
    A new gig on Eastenders?
    Oh, now you're talking . . . While working in Holland this was about the only english language program I could get . . .

    'ow abou' a cup o' tea love

    Oi, wots your game ven, eh

  13. #13
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by OckerRocker View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by bsnub View Post
    A new gig on Eastenders?
    Oh, now you're talking . . . While working in Holland this was about the only english language program I could get . . .

    'ow abou' a cup o' tea love

    Oi, wots your game ven, eh

    Here he is at the audition.





  14. #14
    Thailand Expat
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    Slops not a cockney, is he?

  15. #15
    splendid and tremendous
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    ^ Anyone born south of Solihull is a cockney to Stoke boy.

  16. #16
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=withnallstoke;2975671]
    Quote Originally Posted by OckerRocker View Post

    Swells the heart of any true englishman . . . the Pride, the Glory!


  17. #17
    Gohills flip-flops wearer
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    Anyone born south of Solihull is a cockney to Stoke boy.
    Because they are.


    Or French.

  18. #18
    Thailand Expat
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    Bring back the old Slap that we knew and loved....

  19. #19
    Ex TD Fat Club VP Dillinger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nidhogg
    It is with great regret and sadness we have all witnessed the passing of the late great Somtamslap.
    Funny how we perceive a fellow farang, who spends his days in Thailand pissed on cheap alcohol, writing , eating shit food, travelling on trains, masturbating in public whilst bludgeoning the economy via immigration,......a fukkin ledge

    Not a chav like back home

  20. #20
    Hansum Man! panama hat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dillinger
    Funny how we perceive a fellow farang, who spends his days in Thailand pissed on cheap alcohol, writing , eating shit food, travelling on trains, masturbating in public whilst bludgeoning the economy via immigration,......
    He has his bad sides as well, to be fair

  21. #21
    splendid and tremendous
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    Yes, it's a shame when your hobbies and habits in one place are considered illegal or unscrupulous elsewhere.

    Blasted developed world.

  22. #22
    R.I.P.
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    Are the family doing well. Like school and such.

  23. #23
    splendid and tremendous
    somtamslap's Avatar
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    ^ Pretty well thanks Pats.

    Kids liking school well enough. My eldest is even eating school dinners now... I like to think multiple trips to Whetherspoons played a part.

  24. #24
    Thailand Expat
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I like to think multiple trips to Whetherspoons played a part.
    I would have thought that one trip would have been enough for that.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by somtamslap
    I like to think multiple trips to Whetherspoons played a part.

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